


Butterfly Caught

by retroelectric



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe, Graphic Description of Crime and Murder, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 15:50:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retroelectric/pseuds/retroelectric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beyond Birthday has a history of instabilities. When he meets genius NPA detective Yagami Light, he thinks he's the prettiest thing he's seen in years. He tells him he can change his destructive nature - one he never had a choice in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Risingson

**Author's Note:**

> This was my pilot fanfic of Death Note written in under a month with Nilahxapiel as my beta.

Beyond Birthday knew exactly the meaning of beyond _boredom_.

He had been a patient at a mental hospital for so long, strapped up in a solitary ward all alone with nothing to do other than tug and squirm at the strong cloth restraints that pinned his arms and legs, which tied his limbs down to the metal frame. At one point in time, Beyond had been muzzled and strait-jacketed like Hannibal- _fucking_ -Lecter for six months when he had actually bit down and severed a nurse's finger, then spat out that digit because it tasted so foul he wanted to vomit. He'd laughed at the woman and yelled out that she would still _live_ , which was true, before he was forced to shut up with a gag. There had been another time, when he had done one of his experiments –attempting to find the durability of the human body, and punched one of the hospital staff on the back of his head in quick blows until the young man passed out.

Beyond knew that his willingness to do these things made him a strong, dangerous man.

And he couldn't help but think to himself how he was just _letting_ himself be restrained at this hospital. He could get out anytime he wanted to.

He knew that if one stabbed a particular artery of the neck, it could be fatal or possibly render a person incapacitated in a coma the rest of their life. The doctors had deduced that Beyond would be far safer in the hospital than outside, because he had a potential to be criminal insane, rather than just...well, insane.

When he told gleefully of his 'findings' to a psychiatrist during an interview session, he had been left alone immediately and saw the man on the other side of the glass wall lose his cool, calling him a _'fucking nutcase that should have been put to death as a child'_. Now that he thought of it, B thought, he wished they had actually done the Kevorkian thing and ended him right there. B wasn't suicidal, but it got to the point where he preferred to just fucking _die_ instead of suffer from the fucking _boredom_ of being strapped and joined to wires and IV drips that didn't help his situation at all. B wasn't getting _cured_ of his so-called mental instability and doubted he ever would.

Beyond Birthday hadn't killed anyone, yet.

He was a genius, but he's had a strange affliction since birth. He could see every single human being's names and the dates they would die right above their head. That meant he saw death everywhere, something he had understood that by the time he was five. He saw the woman and man he vaguely recalled as his parents leave him alone at home with an odd number hanging above their heads, changed in a way that he certainly hadn't recalled seeing before, arranged in a manner which didn't make any sense. 9878231 in a group, 27 and 8 in another group below it. Social Services took him the day after, and told that his parents were no more, _dead_ , deceased due to a car accident-and that was when the wheels clicked into place in his genius little mind. 9878231 and 27 and 8 – _23/7/1988, 7/23/1988, 23_ _rd_ _of July 1988, 8.27 pm_. Those numbers had been the date and time they died. The five-year-old Beyond shook, trembled and cried for days and people thought he was in mourning, but he had just been shocked to near-death at that realisation. After their funeral, B never cried again.

It was easy to say he was driven a little mad by it, but he couldn't _help_ it. It was the condition he was cursed into. The person called Beyond Birthday couldn't grow up normal even as his brain eerily swallowed up information and facts from books. He flipped through five-hundred-page books and absorbed the story, sucking them in the manner of a vampire. He looked around at people's behavioural patterns and understood them because it was humanly predictable, but he didn't care for them. He had been sent to Wammy's House, an institution for bright children like him to be trained in studies that impressed his mentors. Despite his great progress in studies, he had to be singled out because of his odd behaviour. He kept on staring off into space, telling people just when they were going to die, making them get angry at him.

Human beings were _not_ meant to be born with shinigami's eyes, and to know when people died was so _vulgar_ that B as a child was completely repulsed at himself, at his own eyes and even once felt like digging them out. Except that these eyes were an asset and vital to him. Logically, eyes and the sense of sight were important.

At the age of sixteen, Beyond had escaped from Wammy's House, because the demons in his head told him to.

In all his travels, he had ended up in Japan. He was caught and sent to the mental hospital at the age of twenty after a freak accident, involving him not stopping for red lights and bunch of dog carcasses found in the trunk of his car. They had tried him in court for 'drunk-driving' and animal cruelty, declared him certifiably insane and then locked him up in the dull white solitary ward for mental patients with constant supervision over him, finding no records of who he was.

This year marked the third anniversary of Beyond Birthday stuck in this mental ward.

It was getting boring and tiresome. B knew he had to escape the ward before he was driven even crazier seeing the white walls every single waking second, drugged to the point he could barely recall what he ate the night before on certain occasions. It was an insult. Beyond knew he was a genius. Certainly not _crazy_. He was just driven to be.

There was a security guard, a NPA officer who stood at the door, armed with a NANBU M60, a .38 calibre, non-automatic pistol which was just... _appropriate,_ because this country didn't have laws which enabled people to possess firearms, and therefore, didn't require such powerful weapons. B hadn't used a gun before, but he knew very well how the mechanism worked-rather simple, effective and deadly, and he knew just where to shoot to kill. Left side of the chest into the heart, or straight into the skull in between the eyes. Shoot in the knees to make them fall to the ground, in the hand to stop them from doing anything _unnecessary_ like flinging an object at the assailant's head. The policeman's firearm was always loaded with 6 bullets, no more no less, the worn leather holster to the side of the man's hip held securely by a button. The man never took it out to clean judging by the dull gleam.

He was visited hourly by a nurse who checked his vitals (blood pressure, heartbeat/pulse, glucose level, IV drip, lungs) gave his medication as required, and meals came approximately at 10.15 am, 2.38pm and 7.47pm. He was fed by the veteran nurse, a no-nonsense woman in her forties watched over by that same police officer with the gun so he didn't take any utensils to cut his way through the binds, hurt himself or other people.

In other news, he was treated very much like an unstable mental patient.

One day, Beyond decided he would take it into his own (bound) hands and get out of this place. He was so fucking sick of it. His plan was not a detailed one, but B decided he was smart enough for improvisation, damn his drugged state. He would undo the binds, wait for 7.47 pm when they force-fed him the last meal of the day and kill that matronly woman, disarm the police officer, steal his gun and change his clothes, pretend to be a civilian, and walk out.

Then Beyond would go to a hotel of some sort and wash himself clean, because he needed it. Maybe a good drink or two afterwards, fucked liver or not.

He went to sleep that night with a pleasant little grin on his face, gloating and laughing to himself till he was asked to shut the fuck up by that very same officer who's weapon would soon be in his grasp.

* * *

B woke up unpleasantly to his binds being undone, being tugged and tied down to the wheelchair, before being untied and undressed again and washed by these people. His eyes were dull to them as he moved his hand faster than they could catch, when they were turned away, taking the small pair of scissors from the nurse's pocket (which was _their_ fault for forgetting that this was B) and swiftly sticking them into his mouth after his teeth were cleaned. Then he was dried and clothed, calmly trying not to care that the pair of small scissors were poking the back of his throat and the weird metallic taste on his tongue as he was transported safely back to his room and tied down again.

He spat the small scissors out and it landed near his stomach when he was left alone, the sharp instrument covered in drool as he inched it slowly and carefully to his fingers, finally managing to loop them around his thumb and forefinger after fifteen minutes of trying, grinning to himself when he reached and bent his hand around in a somewhat unnatural manner and began to cut away at the binds. Snip, _snip_ , _**snip**_. He glanced up at the clock when his job was halfway done. 10.05 am.

He stopped, tucked the scissors under his back when the matron came in and fed him, and he even gave her an uncharacteristic happy grin like he _enjoyed_ being treated like an invalid. The woman brushed it off with a stern stare, and left after he had done eating, and he quickly resumed his job, snip snipping away until 2.29 pm and hid the scissors away as he was fed again. Munch _munching_ at the disgusting fucking food that tasted like cardboard as it seemed to please the woman and smiled at her again with his mouth full just to unsettle her, then swallowed, opened his mouth again to be fed and repeated the action because that would be the last fucking time he _would_ -

At precisely 4.17 pm, B had managed to cut through the binds that held his right arm to the metal hospital bed frame. He wanted to laugh, then sobered up when he realised that his hand hurt from being bent at such an unnatural angle for so many hours and limbered it up, crackled, snapped and popped his knuckles and his wrist joints, then his entire arm before he managed to cut and tear away his next arm restraints, then the ones on his ankles and laughed again because they were so fucking _stupid_ to use the cloth restraints on him instead of the metal cuffs. But he wasn't a killer of men yet-not _yet_ at this point in time, and so it was _excellent_.

Beyond Birthday cracked his head to the side, and let it remain that way until the matron entered his room, grinning eerily at the woman until she realised he was actually _sitting up_ and free.

She screamed for help but B quickly covered her mouth when he lunged at her and tackled her to the floor fluidly and stabbed her eye with that very same pair of scissors he had escaped with, then stabbed down her throat in her jugular and watched with lurid fascination as blood poured out. Blood, which dirtied him.

" _Thank you_ , matron, for taking care of me."

Beyond's voice sounded alien to him, rough and hoarse from disuse and watched her die from the loss of blood and smirked, and looked up at the police officer who barged in at the sound. "Hey—"

Beyond laughed as the man stared at him and reached into his holster with shaky hands, but B was fast, limber like a spider, pushing him roughly, knocking the back of the man's head unconscious onto the metal frame of the hospital bed. The man had been knocked out, but not dead, so he took the pistol, heavy and nice and cool in his hands. He ensured the safety was on before bringing it down eight times exactly, hard and quick into his head and smashing through his skull. Beyond felt like his arm was part of a killing machine, a robot who knew just exactly where to hit in precise ways so his job could get done...and then he chuckled amusedly to himself at the very thought.

Because he felt very much alive right then.

God, he was fucking filthy, Beyond was thinking to himself, wiping the pair of bloody scissors, and the gun that had bits of the dead officer's flesh, hair and brain with the hospital sheets. He took off his soiled clothing, changing into the loose clothes he found stored in the drawer in the hospital room. He tucked the gun into the back of the elastic waistband of his pants, and placed the scissors into his pocket. All he needed was something like a coat and some shoes and he'd be fine, he'd look like a normal, sane civilian... Maybe he could get some money afterwards and buy himself clean, nicer-looking clothes.

Grinning at his bloody handiwork, Beyond used a piece of extra cloth to wipe the place free of any fingerprints, the doorknob and the lights and everywhere he could think of rather conscientiously. The scrawny, tall man with the horrible posture got on all fours and checked every inch of the place to make sure he hadn't left any hair particles, and none of his blood from his knuckles and fingers. He checked and rechecked again just to be extremely sure before leaving, even idly taking a detour in the hospital to take a pair of shoes and jacket from the staff locker room, wiping his fingerprints clean.

He took the staircase to evade any doctors and nurses and hospital helps who had seen his face before. Beyond wasn't as lucky when he was at the main hospital entrance and a nurse who had recognised him was coming towards him, insisting that he came with her so he silenced her by cupping her mouth, stabbing her stomach with the exact same pair of scissors and evaded the scene of panic quickly.

Beyond walked out of the main entrance like a normal, free man, grinning and laughing to himself as he hopped over the gates and hijacked a parked car, driving off far away from the damned mental hospital that had been his prison for three long fucking years.

Now he needed that drink, and a good shower.

* * *

It took two careful hours of driving into the busier district of the city at this hour of night, and his main plan was to get some money, vital for food, alcohol, clothes and hotel rent. Beyond waited for the perfect victim to steal his money from, one of the businessmen who simply tucked their wallets in their back pockets in one of the busier districts, accidentally bumping into a random man and being brushed away with an odd, disgusted look as though he didn't like being touched by someone who looked as peculiar as him. When he grinned and walked away, Beyond took out the wad of cash, pocketed it and wiped clean his fingerprints off the wallet and threw it in a dumpster.

Then he had appeared in a clothing store, unruffled by the looks people were giving him, because they most certainly thought he was a homeless young man with his messy hair and weird dark lines under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept for ages. Beyond knew he was peculiar and unique, and very suspicious, but he didn't make a show of it, casually picking out clothes in his size—a sweater, pair of pants and a coat and paid with cash, and realised that when he put them on, he looked better than he ever had.

Perfectly acceptable, he thought, glancing at his face in the mirror, washing his hands obsessively to get the blood out from under his fingernails and then off of his face, drying his skin with a rough paper towel.

B left the shopping district, and left to find a bar for a much needed drink, and finally saw one he thought would do. It was a perfect place—calm enough when he entered, taking a seat and ordering a whole bottle of scotch because he _needed_ it and he didn't give a fuck that even the bartender was giving him a strange calculating look, as though he could see Beyond wasn't the type that anyone could trust with alcohol.

Beyond gave him an eerie smile as he lifted the shot glass to his mouth, drinking it in one go as though it didn't burn his throat.

The man looked away.

* * *

"Matsuda-san, please – I don't drink." Light huffed, annoyed that Matsuda was pushing a shot glass to him and grinning at him like he _expected_ him to-

"Come on, Yagami-kun, it's for a celebration. Just one drink-"

"Matsuda-san, you're getting _drunk_ already."

"No, I'm not-" The man finished his shot and refilled it wincing slightly at the after taste, "-I'm in the company of friends. We just finished a case. Nothing bad is going to happen. Life is good, Yagami-kun, it should be enjoyed, hehe."

"Fine." Light downed that single shot and winced. It didn't even _taste_ good.

"There, are you glad, Matsuda-san?"

"Yeah! One more?"

" _No._ "

Yagami Light was a smart young man who had gotten this far into the line of police duty, made a detective at the mere age of twenty-three through his outstanding police work. His father Yagami Soichiro was the chief of the NPA, but he hadn't gotten in just by that association. He had helped the NPA before even as a teenager at just sixteen, aiding in solving several cases which his father had been proud of. His son, Yagami Light, was nothing short of perfect – never causing much trouble for anyone. He had perfect grades, he was multi-lingual, had once even been a tennis champion in middle school and passed the entrance exam to get into To-oh University with a perfect score. He had graduated and passing the bar exam with honours, then entered the career of his choice without much hesitation, because he had always known what he wanted to do in life. He was the most ideal son anyone could have asked for, as he was told constantly, and he excelled at everything without even putting his mind to it fully.

Even Yagami Light's face was handsome and sculpted, with a perfect little nose, mouth and pretty brown eyes, his hair falling just so around his face, always neatly combed. He dressed in crisp, fitted suits, which helped to make him look older and more distinguished. It wasn't surprising that Light had a number of admirers dying for his attention, but he brushed them off politely, preferring to concentrate on his career before anything else, because it was more rewarding.

In short, Yagami Light was perfect. A genius, like Beyond himself was.

And as B sat there watching the other people in the bar, he saw a group of four men sitting together seemingly talking about work, noticing one of them in particular.

That young man wasn't drinking much. His handsome face lit rather nicely by the dim golden light of the bar. He looked too neat, Beyond thought, too fucking _perfect_ and even the way he held himself, sitting straight with a look of boredom in his eyes, disguised perfectly of course. It disgusted Beyond, because he could see behind his act.

What he wouldn't do to come up to him, mess that pretty little guy up, make him dishevelled and drunk like he _wasn't_ right then, take him to bed after seducing him with promises, make him fall for it and then _fuck_ him before carving into his perfect body with his own goddamn bare hands.

Someone so perfect shouldn't _exist_ —at least not in the very same bar Beyond intended to stay and get drunk in.

Light felt eyes boring at him, glancing over his shoulder and his eyes met the stare Beyond was giving him. He was startled, because he saw red eyes which shouldn't belong to _anyone_ –unless they were contacts, and somehow he knew that wasn't the case.

_What the hell,_ Light thought, _what a strange guy._

And yet, when he looked at him again, Light discovered that the red-eyed man was still staring at him, a fact which made him very uncomfortable.

"I'm going to the restroom."

Light excused himself and headed behind to the restroom, washing his hands and glanced at himself in the mirror. He had the beginnings of dark eye circles from overworking, staying up late, and if he wanted to keep up appearances, he thought—perhaps he should just go home now, and get some good, proper sleep. Something he had been depriving himself of the past few months.

Light nearly jumped but composed himself when the door to the restroom opened rather roughly, turning and looked in poorly concealed surprise that it was the very same red-eyed man he'd locked gazes with before. Light cursed himself inwardly for being taken in surprise like that and looked away, taking two pieces of paper napkin and wiped his hands off and about to leave, when he heard the stranger speak.

"You were looking at me."

"What-?" Light turned, hand on the doorknob, realising that man had indeed spoken to him, then speaking firmly. This man was drunk, perhaps, and wanted to instigate a fight- Light nearly rolled his eyes, turning his face away, fully intending to leave. "No, I wasn't. I'm sorry, you must be mistaken."

"I'm not mistaken, Yagami Light."

"What—how did you know my name?" Light demands from him, frowning and heart racing. Who _was_ this man? He already looked suspicious enough with his odd face and red eyes... was he a stalker? He hadn't seen him before. It was obvious that he wasn't Japanese, so he was a foreigner. But Beyond's pronunciation was flawless, and it sounded like he had no accent whatsoever. What was this about now...?

"That isn't important." Beyond seemed rather fixated on washing his hands properly with soap, then looked straight at Light with his red eyes practically boring into him again.

"How do you mean? Of course it's important. I don't know you, and yet you know my _name_ -"

"I might possibly be a magician," B quipped, to which Light scowled. So pretty boy wasn't as perfect as he'd thought? That was fascinating, and B _wanted_ to know more... Then he held out a hand in a pleasant, friendly gesture, the very same hands that had killed three people just that night. "I am B."

Light bought it, blinking at B's odd, single syllable name before looking at the profferred hand and then shaking it firmly.

"Nice to meet you, _B_."

Light frowned slightly when the man just washed his hands again, wondering if this man had a severe case of OCD. But if so, why did he even offer to shake his hand in the first place? It wasn't uncommon, especially in this country.

"No, call me B-san."

That earned a slight frown on Light's perfect little face. "Alright, _B-san_."

"Would you care to join _me_ for a drink instead?" Then Beyond laughed, a perfectly acceptable chuckle, "Your work colleagues must bore you."

Light was again surprised by the man's observation because he knew for a fact he hadn't made that too obvious. Light had hidden every nuance perfectly so no one knew what he was thinking, and for this man to catch on so quick—he had to be _someone_. He found himself strangely intrigued, this stranger with odd red coloured eyes, bad posture, though he was fairly tall, constant hand-washing like he had OCD and even the way he stared at him, _stared_ —not _looked_. This man was intense, and somewhat arrogant to presume he knew what Light was thinking, but then again, the self-assuredness was refreshing, and maybe, just _maybe_ , he could drink with this man.

"Alright."


	2. Blue Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dub con.

Beyond Birthday had been held up in the mental ward for three years. So when he saw the young man called Yagami Light in the bar, he couldn't help but to think he owned the prettiest damn face he had ever laid his eyes upon. Such a fucking nice _thing_ to look at. And when the younger man looked back at him, twice, then left for the bathroom, Beyond took that as an invitation for him to come and approach him.

Beyond knew he was the type to arouse suspicion with his mannerisms and appearance, so he didn't even bother to make his intent subtle. He had managed to slither around his words easily enough like a snake and fascinate Light into listening to him. Even made him call him B-san as a sign of fucking _respect_ and dominance over him, and coerced him into having a drink with him instead of his work colleagues. Light's friends seemed to be too drunk to even notice that he had come back from the bathroom with a strange man.

Small talk. Small talk was good, it gave him semblance of normalcy. Beyond would pretend to be ordinary as long as possible even with his concealed thoughts and bloody desires, many of which included the beautiful young man who sat opposite him.

"Light is a teetotal of some sort, isn't he?"

"A teetotal?" Light laughed easily, the sound breezy and rather nice to his ears. "No, I don't know where you got that idea."

Then a quirk of the brunette's eyebrow, "...Oh, you've been spying on me? Listening to me talking to my friends all this while?" Light glanced at the group of three men laughing uproariously at what he presumed was a joke on the other end of the place.

"I'm not denying this. Light saw me looking at him. Besides, it's rather hard to miss the most interesting person in a place as this."

Light laughed again.

It was easy to calculate and make flattering statements that boosted the ego of someone as proud as Light. He didn't know him yet, but Beyond had already assumed that Light expected people to praise him. This odd stranger had crimson eyes that kept on boring into him, and made Light want to shudder. It was clear Light enjoyed B's attention, even if there was something about B that unsettled the younger man. His general appearance, no doubt, but then again, the way he had just said his name like he plucked it out of thin air off the top of his head...

Beyond schooled his face into what someone would call a 'friendly' look and spoke, "I'll get some gin and tonic for Light. Yeah? That seems like the very thing he'd like to drink." Beyond's eyes raked up and down his frame, hungry and predatory, then disarmed Light by the little grin that he put on right afterwards, "Ah. Does Light smoke? I could get a pack for him."

The younger man didn't seem to enjoy the informality of using his first name like that, but he didn't comment or dwell on it. The fact that Beyond was a foreigner was rather evident, and Light didn't want to be rude. "A drink like that is fine, B-san. And no, I don't smoke, but if you want to, I won't stop you."

Beyond nodded at the response and went to the bar to order the drink. While he waited for the bartender, he felt an odd taste in his mouth that he wanted to get rid of that wasn't the scotch, and he realised the last time he ate was at 2.38 in the afternoon. It was eleven at night already.

He mashed the back of his hand against his lips, stretched it downwards into an odd upside down U shape with his finger and thumb, giving him a rather cartoon-like expression and ignoring the look the bartender gave him as he mixed that drink. Beyond was being fucking twitchy but he didn't care.

Lots of _normal_ people were twitchy.

And then he thought, perhaps a pack of cigarettes for himself would be good to stave off the hunger for something other than tasteless hospital gruel, because he wanted to continue talking to Light.

God, he hadn't had freedom like this for years. To be able to move his god damn hands and feet any time he pleased, to do things like freely nick someone's wallet, and get some actual clothes. Those hospital clothes made him look like a freak. Beyond was already freakish in nature, and a freak dressed as a crazy fucking freak wasn't complimentary or socially accepted.

To be able to breathe in actual air, get a good drink which burned his throat good because everything up to this point had been so fucking bland. To be able to buy a pack of cigarettes because he damn well could. To be able to talk to a pretty, eye catching man, ensnare his interest and buy him a drink -and all those things he _wanted_ to do to him later. Had to. Either way, Beyond wouldn't stand for being bored any longer.

He glanced back at the table, thinking how difficult it was _not_ to be attracted to such a face.

"Get me a pack of reds too. And a lighter."

The bartender glanced at him then picked out the box, placing it on the counter along with the drink.

"Here you go—"

B put down the bill and left, placing the drink in front of Light while standing behind him, the angle making it seem like his hand brushed against his starched collar had not been on purpose, before sitting opposite him once more. Beyond lifted a leg onto the seat of the chair, pressed up against his chest. The informal, almost childish-looking way he sat with easy grace that made Light look at him as he tapped the box on his palm a couple of times, removed the plastic wrapping around the pack of cigarettes and took out a stick.

Beyond held it between his fingers, lighting the cigarette in between his lips and took a slow, first drag and exhaled in a sensuous, easy manner. The rush and tingly sensation in his body felt _good_.

It was good to feel a different sensation other than numb.

Light decided he liked the look of Beyond's hands as they held the cigarette between his fingers.

They looked like a musician's hands. Long, elegant fingers but strong in appearance, like they could hold someone down with ease...

Light hadn't even realised he had been staring as he took a sip of his gin and tonic, sitting there and feeling foolish when Beyond noticed and grinned. Cigarette smoke poured out of his mouth like a cloud.

God, Light thought, he looked so _demented_ and somewhat devilish without trying.

"So what is it that you do for a living, B-san?" Light asked, in an attempt to break the silence between them both.

"Why should I tell you?" B smirks, sounding more harsh that he probably meant, Light thought, probably just a wrong choice of words for a person foreign to the language. He lifted the cigarette to his lips again, "Why should I tell Light when I can make it far more _interesting_ and make him guess?" Smoke glided out of his mouth in a sensuous manner again, "Light looks like he can make a good guess, that is, unless my assumption of him is _wrong_."

Light's eyes narrowed slightly. Was he taunting him? "And what is that?"

"That he is actually smarter than his face tells me."

A pause. "Well." Light tried not to appear offended, giving away a slight laugh, "I don't know what to say about that. It is rather presumptuous to assume that someone is intelligent or not based on their looks."

"Oh, but I can, Light. I'm betting all the people here have rather ordinary IQs compared to me. Pick a random stranger and I can top them in _anything_."

"...You say some rather odd things, don't you, B-san?"

"I know. Light is just trying to be polite." Beyond smirked and continued to smoke casually. "There's no need for him to hide behind his Japanese politeness. Come on, be frank with me."

B put out the cigarette, and poured the scotch for himself, "I know it's impossible to _not_ think I'm a strange person. I already know the impression I make on people, and I simply can't be bothered about it. One glance at Light and I know that he has been hiding and lying his entire life to please people. He... perhaps he's always wanted to appear as perfect inside as he already is on the outside." Light was startled at that comment, "Who _knows_ what dirty deeds and thoughts he has concealed and never said aloud because they are not socially accepted."

Beyond drank the scotch in one go without wincing. "Perhaps... hmm, he's thought – why can't some people just _die_? They're so useless to society. Sound familiar, Light? The world would be so much better without some people. I think that's a popular unpopular opinion actually."

"He looks like the sort of person who would have studied law in university. Light look studious, clean and smart. Perfect posture. He knows how to look the part of a trustworthy young man."

That was true, but Beyond was being presumptuous. Who _was_ he? But it shocked Light that some of what he said was true. "I did study law, actually, at To-oh University. So, B-san, you're right about some things. And that's... interesting, bringing that up as an example for a topic of discussion at a _bar_ , of all places, don't you think? But-" Light took a sip of his drink, "-Please go on."

"Light sounds like a psychiatrist, does he know that? ' _Please go on.'_ " He chuckled a bit, and Light could tell Beyond was mocking him. "Well, then he hasn't been to many bars, has he?" Beyond took a second cigarette and lit it, giving him a little smirk.

"My point is," he took a deep drag to keep his hands and mouth occupied, "He doesn't need to hide anything from me. I can sniff out lies. We're strangers, aren't we? We might never see each other again, so there are no consequences."

"That may be true, but what do you plan to gain from me being honest with you?" Light was getting curious. Everything about this man was eluding him, and it irked him, that Light couldn't profile this man yet. But he decided he liked it. This was something new to learn.

"I thought it would be fun. So, back to Light's question. What do _I_ do for a living? Why doesn't he guess?"

"Well-" Light looked at him up and down again, his big brown eyes moving over Beyond's face and appearance. "I wouldn't be able to know at first glance. If I assumed you were a businessman, I would think you looked rather unsuitable for it. Don't mind me saying this, but your appearance is too unkempt for offices. Unless you were your own boss, self-employed, I guess—but I doubt that, B-san."

"There's no need for Light to say unnecessary things like 'Don't mind me saying this'."

"Oh?" Light was surprised, because no one, he thought, had spoken so frankly to him before. It was irritating. And a little refreshing.

"My clothes are fine though, aren't they?"

"What?"

"My clothes, Light."

"Well... I suppose." He looked at Beyond weirdly, then shrugged it off to continue his analysis as he nursed his gin and tonic, watching B's long fingers that held the half-finished cigarette. "Well—perhaps an author, B-san? An artist? You certainly look... eccentric enough."

Beyond shook his head. "Not all artists fit into the stereotype of eccentricity. Besides, there are many different kinds of artists. The type that create fine art, sculptures, even create popular manga and perhaps music. Actors, too. Then there are the less conventional ones. Con artists. Even politicians are a type of artist themselves, buying people over with glib tongues and promises. Question is, what sort of artist would I be?"

"Well." Light paused and thought hard. And then he realised he couldn't for the life of him figure out this man. He was wealthy enough, Light supposed, to be throwing out a hundred dollar bill at the bartender in the first place. Maybe the guy didn't even _have_ a job. Somehow, that didn't seem too realistic. But how would he get money like that in the first place? He didn't seem like the conventional pampered rich guy who inherited their parent's money and didn't have to lift a finger to work. Beyond talked too much like an educated, intelligent person for that. Like he was on Light's level. He hadn't had a conversation that intrigued him like this in...his entire _life_.

Perhaps he'd stolen that money. But Light thought that was rather rude of him to assume that, even though Beyond had been antagonistic throughout their entire conversation, he couldn't just...assume he was someone that was outright violent.

"You're too strange to be a con artist, even more so a politician, B-san. You stick out like a sore thumb, most people would avoid you."

"Light didn't _avoid_ me, per se."

Light watched B put out his cigarette.

"I didn't. You're just hard to figure out. How about this? You obviously have an analytical mind. You talk and riddle around and even try to ridicule me, but it doesn't bother me. It almost feels like an interrogation. I should know. So that narrows it down, B-san."

"You are either an undercover police officer, an interrogation officer, a private detective or a lawyer. But I don't know, something just doesn't feel right with that conclusion." Light decided. "I would know who you are if you were in the NPA as a police officer, or a government employed detective. Since you're not from here, perhaps you could be from the USCP, FBI, New Scotland Yard, _Gendarmerie nationale,_ _Bundespolizei_ _–_ I'm thinking you are most probably European. Your facial features tell me that, but I could easily be wrong. But you haven't even given me an actual name, just a single syllable English letter like you intend to be inconspicuous. That isn't a real name. It isn't something complete, like Bob, or Bill... Then again, you don't look like a Bob to me."

Light was a comedian, wasn't he? Beyond looked at him, amused.

"It could be a nickname, Light."

"Yes, it could be. But this level of anonymity and secrecy you've maintained since the bathroom...and the fact that you knew my name _beforehand_ \- You could be a stalker too, B-san. _My_ stalker."

" _Now_ we're talking!" B laughed, lighting and smoking cigarette after cigarette. "Light is finally getting to the criminal accusations."

"You don't seem to mind. " Light noticed. Then realised that most of the bar was empty, Light's friends had left without acknowledging him... but the fact didn't bother him. They were probably drunk and didn't notice him sitting here, and thought Light had gone home before them. It wouldn't have been the first time.

"Well, I don't mind. I know I can be _anything_ if I put my mind to it." Dangerous, that thought. "My mind is very strong, so—let's keep playing this guessing game. Light asked me what I did for a living, but I know the answer to what _he_ does. Light is an NPA detective."

"Is that so? How did you come to that conclusion?"

"Light said 'I would know' when he were weighing out the possibility I could be with a police agency. That he should probably know everyone in the NPA. That was the clue, so I assumed." Then at Light's humoured expression, the attractive way his face contorted as he scoffed, "I'm correct again."

"Yes, you are, B-san." Light offered him another pretty smile.

Fuck. Beyond stared at him with his red eyes, unsmiling, smoked the last of the cancer stick and put it out, and poured himself a last scotch, emptying out the bottle.

How could he even _think_ of killing someone as fascinating, beautiful, _interesting_ and intelligent as Light...?

God, the thought of _having_ this man. Keeping him close.

Making him trust him completely, making him submit to him. Making him his fucking _property_.

"Hey, guys? We're closing."

Beyond had gotten so engrossed in his conversation with Light that he hadn't even looked at the time once.

"Yeah, alright." B stood up with Light, pocketing his cigarettes and lighter, opening the door for him and let him walk outside first. "I'd like to walk Light home. "

Not a question, a statement. As though he was stating an order.

"Huh? But I thought you wanted this to be a one-time meeting. Besides," Light's eyes crinkled upwards endearingly as he smiled at him, "You could be a stalker for all I know. You never denied it. I'm not that I mind, because... well, you're a rather fascinating person to talk to, B-san."

In order words, Beyond thought Light meant: _I trust you and want to be friends with you._

That nearly made Beyond shudder in delight, but he simply let it out with his twitching fingers behind his back.

"No, come on, Light. What sort of stalker admits to his stalking? Surely common sense makes Light realise that."

"It is also common sense to not simply invite a stranger back to one's home. It's unwise, and could be potentially dangerous for me."

"Light thinks I might be dangerous?" Beyond smirked at him, leaning in as though to divulge a secret to him. "Let's see. How can I make Light say yes? How about this? I'll only reveal what I do for a living when we arrive at the doorstep of Light's house, and then he will... invite me inside."

Like a vampire.

"Isn't knowing what I do the greatest mystery of the night? Till then, we can continue this... _conversation_ , and we'll see how much farther he can analyse me."

"Well—that _is_ rather tempting, but..."

"I swear I won't bite." Light was standing there silent, thinking deeply and weighing his options, glancing at Beyond. "I'm so harmless. Why, I wouldn't even harm a _fly_."

But Beyond hadn't had qualms harming three _people_ over the course of a few hours. _Killing_ them.

But how could Light even know that? Unless he could read minds. And if he could, he wouldn't even let Beyond _close_ , tempting company as he may be.

It couldn't hurt, Light concluded. "Well—okay. I guess it's fine, you can walk me home."

* * *

Light's apartment was a three-room with a balcony, spacious enough for two or four people, every inch of the place neat and clean like Beyond would have expected. It reminded him of the hospital ward, but it had cream walls instead of white, and at least the furniture was brown and metal or wood painted white. Beyond assumed Light lived alone, because the entire apartment seemed to just have a rather plain accent. Not many personal things were scattered around, either. It had a nice lived-in atmosphere, family photos on the wall and on the fireplace, and after kicking off his shoes went up to the living room to sit as Light excused himself to go to the bathroom. Light didn't seem to want to kick him out either, as though he just intended to prolong their conversation.

That was obviously an excuse on Light's part. B _knew_ it.

Beyond lounged about for a few moments, then got up and went to the fireplace and looked at the family photo. Four of them, Light's mother, father and sister, and Light himself. A perfectly normal family. Judging by his father's uniform, Beyond realised that he was a police officer too—and that fact made Light look even more like the trophy son.

Of course, the young man had perfect handsome looks, the perfect education and a perfect future, seemingly to do his parents proud, as well as following his father's footsteps. The pampered prodigy. And, because of his apparent flawlessness, Beyond was attracted to him. He wanted to _dominate_ himself over such a perfect person and make him _know_ it.

He heard Light enter the living room, now dressed in something less formal—a sweater and slacks, arms crossed loosely and leaning against the door frame with his shoulder and giving Beyond a rather pleasant look as he saw him looking at the family picture.

"You like photos like that?"

"Well, not to be a downer, but I never had a family."

"Oh, I'm sor-"

"Don't, Light." B interrupted him, because he didn't need sympathy. He just grabbed the remote control, lounging back on the couch again with his long legs stretched out, but only just for a moment before he was tucking them in and pressing his knees against his chest again. That position, Light thought, didn't even look _comfortable,_ but the man seemed oddly content enough just like that. B patted the space on the couch beside him and looked up at the other, inviting Light to join him.

The younger man didn't hesitate, sitting down beside him and looking at what was on the television, but not really paying any attention. He wanted to talk to Beyond, wanted to hear what else he had to say, because no one's mind had ever interested him so god damn much—

When he turned to look at his side to glance at Beyond, he saw the other man wasn't very much interested in the TV either. In fact, it seemed like he had been staring at _him_ the entire time.

"What are you looking at me for?" Light asked, slightly uncomfortable at those eyes gazing at him without falter.

"I don't know.. But Light is not even asking me to leave. That implies he wants me to stay and keep looking at him like this."

"That's not _looking_ , B-san, that's _staring_ , there's a distinction..."

"Am I making Light uncomfortable?"

"Well-" Light hesitated to answer, frowning, before nodding slowly, deciding to be honest. "Yeah, but I can definitely hold my own against you if you decide to be antagonistic about it."

B smirked at the choice of words and the colour that flooded Light's cheeks.

"No, I didn't mean in that way—B-san, you're being inappropriate." And then, as though he wanted to justify himself, "I'm not _gay_."

Beyond laughed.

"Neither am I." And yet, Beyond's red eyes kept staring rather intently at Light's face, as though it fascinated him beyond words.

"It's just that you keep _looking_ at me-"

"I can't look?" Beyond asked him innocently. "Should I close my eyes and pretend I'm blind? Would that please Light, to see me incapacitated?" He rubbed his bottom lip thoughtfully, "I never pegged him to be the cruel sort."

"God, no..." Light sighed, feeling his patience wearing thin. "That's _not_ what I meant."

Beyond put one of his long legs down onto the floor, still facing Light. And then in an instant he was very close, much too close for comfort and he could see how shocked Light was at his audacity, inching back into the sofa as though that could put a far enough distance between the two of them.

"What are you doing, B-san, I told you I'm not-"

"Light let me walk him home in the first place, didn't he? He showed so much interest in me, and now he is backing away like he's scared."

"You talk in riddles! It's pissing me off -"

"Shh, don't get mad at me." Then Beyond was smirking, and Light was prepared to push him away and kick him out— startled when he realised that smirk was getting closer to him. Beyond's face was much, _much_ too close.

Light realised he could smell Beyond's scent and the hint of cigarette smoke from before. It was strangely pleasant.

"If Light gets angry with me so much, wrinkles will ruin his beautiful face-" Light's eyes widened. Who _talked_ like that?

"Don't you dare call me _beautiful_ ," Light hissed, cutting him off, "Like I'm _female._ I'm not a plaything. I won't be _spoken_ to like that."

Beyond didn't back away.

"Get off me. _God_ , B-san, I will kick you out right now—I was right, wasn't I? You're a fucking _stalker_. You never denied it. Why did I _trust_ you-"

Beyond had grasped his chin and pulled him into a deep, firm kiss.

Light didn't know how to react. He was shocked still for a full minute, then his hands pushed against Beyond's chest to get him away. He let out an audible gasp when Beyond's hot tongue slid in an unforgiving manner against his bottom lip, forcing him to open his mouth and deepen that kiss.

"I was not a stalker before," Beyond finally pulled away and left the younger man somewhat breathless and pink in his cheeks, "But after tasting Light, I think I may become one."

" _What?_ You're insane, I can't-" Light said half-heartedly, "I'm not entirely open enough for something like this. You—I've only just met you in a _bar_ , for goodness' sakes, and you can't expect me to-" He was shut up again by Beyond's insistent kiss, the man seemingly finding all the _good_ places to touch Light which left him shaky and trembling, God, he felt more insecure than he could ever remember feeling.

"I don't see the problem, Light." B didn't even sound _breathless_. "Unless—what, he already has a girlfriend? Somehow I can't be convinced to believe that..." Another hot kiss.

Beyond needed to _stop_ doing this-!

"No, I don't have a girlfriend-" Light gasped as Beyond's hungry mouth began licking, sucking and kissing rather pleasurably along his jaw, neck and collarbone. He hadn't had anyone kiss him like this before, much less a man he'd mere hours before... who kept on fascinating him, who kept his interest. Kept on saying clever things and kept leading him on by a thread, and he wondered hazily why Beyond never kept his promise. They had agreed on talking about B's line of work, and yet here he was, being silenced by his kisses, B just going and jumping straight to things like this...

 _Besides,_ Light thought, _he could be a criminal for all I know._ Those things kept on bothering him, and yet the man's hot mouth, maddening him, was tracing and kissing everywhere and it felt too _good_ to ask Beyond to stop, even if he was tired and drunk and wanted to just _sleep_.

But if no one else knew, Light decided, that he had brought a man home, was letting said man kiss him, perhaps it was of no consequence. Just a one time thing. Light couldn't let it go passed than these kisses however, or he'd be putting himself in danger.

"-Please, I... don't mind kissing you, but don't go more than _this—_ I'm... I'm tired... I have work tomorrow at three, I just want to go to bed and sleep, it's _late_ -"

"Say that again."

"What-?"

"That word. ' _Please_ '."

Huh? Light's eyebrows furrowed, confused at just how strange B's words were, so he mentioned it again without thinking properly. "Please, B-san-"

"Good, Light is so fucking obedient, isn't he?" Light gasped and cried out at a nick against his neck that was quickly soothed with his hot tongue, jerked against B's hold and at the erotic, domineering tone in Beyond's voice and _telling_ him he was _obedient_ -

"I'm not your _pet_ , B-san, don't be so degrading! Talking to me like that...!"

"I'm not convinced I should stop." Beyond's fingers were slipping under Light's sweater, feeling soft warm skin of his belly beneath and Light just attempted to push his shoulders away to no avail. "Maybe Light should ask _nicely_ for me to do it." Then his long fingers brushed against his chest and sensitive nubs of flesh, peaking instantly against it and Beyond tugged and pinched them on purpose, hearing a gasp slip from his mouth.

"I-" Light squirmed, " _Please_ , B-san, I'm _tired_. _Please_ stop and let me sleep..."

"Not good enough." No, Beyond enjoyed that _far_ too much to have him stop begging there.

"What do you mean? _Don't_ make me do this, goddammit! I'm not going to _beg_ you! You're _horrible,_ I really _can't_ -"

Light huffed in frustration as Beyond hitched up his sweater and began to press kisses against his belly, up against his navel and chest and pinned his sides down and didn't even _bother_ to pin Light's hands so Light could continue pushing at his shoulders, smirking at the younger man-

In a blatant display of power.

Light was slowly losing his resolve. He had underestimated the man's scrawny appearance, because he couldn't push him away like he expected he could. He was constantly gasping and panting for breath as Beyond's hot, maddening mouth traced over his body till he couldn't take it, and then his tongue was circling his nipples and suckling. This was completely _humiliating_ , Light thought hazily. His limbs were growing heavy, and Light realised that he shouldn't have let Matsuda coerce him into drinking those shots, fucking _peer pressure_ , and added with the strong drink Beyond got him...

Really. Light should have remembered that he was a fucking _lightweight_ before letting Beyond walk him home and then letting him enter his apartment. God, had alcohol really made him lose his foresight this much?

And yet, it was too fucking _good_ , and it was so embarrassing to admit. He couldn't _possibly_ just let B do as he pleased, he didn't _own_ him...

" _B-san_..." Light meant to snarl it, but it came out a mumble, eyes drooping.

And before B could even get the damned article of clothing away from Light's frame and ravish him even more, Light suddenly grew completely limp in his arms. Beyond stared.

Light had passed out.

Fucking _asleep_.


	3. Teardrop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dub con, verging onto non-con. Warning for strangling scene.

When Light woke up the next day, he was in bed and beneath the covers with a scrawny, tall, warm body pressed up against him.

He turned onto his side groggily, a horrible hangover headache pulsing through his head, pressing his nose against the figure for comfort when he realised something.

There wasn't supposed to be _anyone_ in bed with him.

Light yelped and nearly fell off the bed, which in turn woke B up. For a couple of moments they just stared at each other, but B broke the silence with a laugh. His red eyes were staring at the gorgeous _im_ perfect state Light was in, hair messed from sleep, wrinkled clothes, his eyes slightly reddened from drinking beyond his body what could take.

"Light looks frightened to death."

Light recovered instantly, frowning and wincing when he realised again how much his head hurt, "Of course I am! You tried to take advantage of me! And why are we in bed together?"

"Yeah? I suppose I did, didn't I?" Light scowled at B's nonchalant statement. "But Light fell asleep before I could go all the way, so I carried him here to sleep."

He flushed at the insinuation. "You're _horrible_ , you know that? You-" Suddenly, something clicked in Light's mind and he grabbed the alarm clock at the side of his bed. 1.10 p.m. _Fuck_. Light stood up and went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, rushing to put on his suit and tie, then his socks and proceeded to comb his messy hair first.

"What, not even going to continue telling me how much of a horrible beast I am?"

" _Shut up_ , I'm going to be late for work. I'm _never_ late."

Then he paused, annoyed, as though insinuating that it was B's fault he was having such a hangover. Light glared at him, "You should leave too."

"...If that's what Light wants."

Light rolled his eyes at the strange man's response and proceeded to grab his briefcase, wallet, phone and keys, putting on his shoes at the door. Light was rushing to close the door and cursing when he dropped his keys in a clumsy, rushed motion, and Beyond thought he rather liked how ruffled he became when he was in a hurry, when things didn't go according to his plan—different from the perfect, controlled young man he had seen last night.

Light walked quickly down the stairs, Beyond following behind.

"You're following me." Light wasn't pleased by that fact.

"I thought Light remembered what I said last night."

"What—you, a _stalker_?" Light scoffed at him. "You're ridiculous. I'm a detective, B-san, you don't want to make petty threats like that. I could have you arrested."

"Someone like Light would be too embarrassed to even admit he has kissed me, let alone arrest me on that account."

Light was getting annoyed, so he ignored him.

They were at the parking lot, and he opened the door, slipping inside the driver's seat, not closing the door yet as he regarded the man.

"I can't send you home—wherever you might live, because I'm _late_." He was looking at him accusatorily, starting his car engine and about to close the door when his hand stopped him from doing just that.

"I haven't even said goodbye properly to Light."

"What _more_ do you want from me? I told you, this was a one-time thing. B-san, get your hand off the door, I need to _go_ -"

Then, he was leaning in and kissing Light's mouth to silence him, and the younger man was too stunned by it to push him away.

"The fuck was that-? We're in public!" Light seethed, pushing him away finally and covering his mouth in embarrassment. "I'm not drunk anymore, besides, I'm not meant to kiss other _men_ _!_ "

For a young man of Light's age and status, B thought, he definitely acted like a schoolboy in response to just a simple kiss. And the way he responded, resorting to threats and telling him he couldn't kiss men, when he'd just said 'I don't mind you kissing me' the night before—it was strangely endearing.

To take him by surprise once more, Beyond pressed a kiss to his forehead in a rather gentle manner and then closed the door for him, walking away before Light could say anything else about what he had done.

Light wanted to punch something so _badly_.

Needless to say, he arrived ten minutes late to the case briefing. He bowed and said an apology to the man who had been speaking, who happened to be his father, the NPA Chief, Yagami Soichiro. He walked in confident strides and sat in between Mogi and Matsuda. His colleagues seemed worse for the wear in comparison to him, even taking into account Light's somewhat unfortunate situation. They had gone planning on drinking together, but ended up separated, and Matsuda seemed to feel rather bad about it, twitching as he started to say something.

"Not now, Matsuda-san. My father is speaking," Light muttered to him, before the older man could speak, almost wanting to sigh. He acted like a child, and Light was a few years younger than him.

"But-" Light shot him a look, as if to say _'You can apologise later',_ and Matsuda looked down sheepishly.

"As I was saying," Soichiro spoke in front of his men in the meeting, giving a somewhat disapproving glance at his son for his tardiness. "The deputy director has given me responsibility for this case. You have all been chosen to be the main body of the investigative team, and I will instruct you on what to do to ensure this murderer's capture. I know it's Sunday and the calling of this meeting is rather sudden, but please bear with me. This case is important and threatens the security of the civilians we are meant to protect. The possibility of this murderer killing again is high, because of his mental state as written in the records. His name is B, which allegedly stands for ' _Backup'_ , and little is known about him, not even his real name."

His name was B. _His name was-_

Light could feel his heart almost stop when he heard it. Surely it wasn't _him..._ because that would mean he had been deceived by the man.

"The printed brief and details, along with crime scene photographs will be handed down."

Light snatched the brief being passed down from Matsuda's hands which earned a little sound of surprise, but he ignored it as he flipped open the case file and scanned through the information.

_Mayfields Mental Institution, Known Name: B, alias Backup, Age: Unknown, Country of Birth: Unknown, Nationality: Unknown, Blood Type: O+, 187cm, 79 kg, Last known to be armed with a firearm of standard police issue stolen from victim Number 2 Namikawa Taku, NPA security police officer,_

Pictures, where were the _pictures?_

Then he saw it.

Blank soulless looking red eyes, dishevelled appearance, black hair and...the scrawny, tall body that had been pressed against him that morning. _It was B_.

The person who he'd let buy him a drink and had a fascinating conversation with—over what Light did for a living, over what B did, thought he'd passed out before they'd ever really revealed the answer—the person he'd let him walk to his home, who had entered his house and who he shared his bed with...

The person he'd let him kiss goodbye just that afternoon.

The photograph looked like a screen capture of a video, which meant there had to be video evidence of Beyond's madness, which Light deduced came from the hospital itself, because what else _was_ there? According to the profile in the case file, they knew next to nothing about where the man came from.

Light realised he could extract all of this information, if Beyond did as he told him he would—if he stalked him. Gods, even the thought made him shudder. He'd let a fucking murderer run his hands all over him. Him, Yagami Light, a firm believer in justice and putting criminals where they deserved to be-

Light had liked him, dammit. For the conversation they had.

If Light wanted to earn the recommendation for a promotion and put this man behind bars, he'd have to get closer to B and gather information to be sent here, so justice could be done. Under the pretence of actually having a relationship with him.

But how embarrassing it would be, Light thought, for his father, the chief of the case to actually know what he'd let Beyond do to him? Touched him—and all those other inappropriate things...

"Can I have your attention?" Soichiro's voice spoke again to the detectives, "We have video clips of the murderer B from Mayfields Mental Institution after the incident stated in the profile report on page ten."

Soichiro pressed play, all of the detectives looking at the screen to watch the interview recording.

Beyond was strait jacketed and his face sunken but he still wore a sinister smile on his face.

" _So B, why did you do it? Why did you bite a nurse's finger off?"_

" _To warn her."_

" _Warn her? Warn her of what?"_

" _She's going to die soon, I could see it."_

" _She's not dead. And what's that? You can see death?"_

" _Sure I can. I can see your death too, written in big fucking clear letters above your head. Along with your name, time of death, date—the only setback is I can't see how you are going to die yet." A cruel grin. "Maybe I'll do that honour and create a perfect death for you myself. Isn't that horribly romantic of me?"_

_The psychiatrist wrote something along the lines of 'Extremely delusional and struggles to make sense of reality. Insists that he can see death-'_

" _Look at me, dear Yuu. I'm not fucking crazy. Did you forget? I scored above 200 on your stupid, annoying IQ test, I'm technically smarter than you. I can top you whenever I want."_

" _-I've had this power since I was born. You know what my ultimate fantasy is, Yuu?"_

_The interviewer seemed hesitant. "...Go on."_

" _To create a perfect crime that no arrogant, top detective can ever solve. You hear me? That is my ultimate goal. I'll dedicate my whole life to it."_

_B grinned, "...That, and to eat strawberry syrup off a nice woman's good, big, fucking round tits, fucking suck on her fat little nipples-"_

" _That's enough."_

" _-The food here is fucking bland. You can drive anyone crazy with it alone."_

Another video was playing. A different interviewer, a woman.

" _I don't talk like a lunatic, do I?"_

" _No, you don't, B. You are a very gifted individual, and it seems this power you spoke of—being able to see when people are going to die, is the thing which has made you rather unwell up to this point."_

" _Is that what you really think?" Beyond laughed. "Unwell. Fucking stupid, so unnecessary to say when you can just call me insane like so many other doctors and psychiatrists on crack have done."_

" _I'm not done." The interviewer gave him a stern look. "I respect and admire your intellectual abilities. Perhaps if you never had been gifted with the—sight of yours, you might have turned out normal. Not haunted."_

" _Fucking typical, taking pity on me. I don't need it. I can't get over my fucking eyes, unless I stab them out, AND YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME -"_

" _B, calm down or you'll get sedated again."_

" _I'll fucking tear off the hand of the person who wants to try that-"_

" _You will be muzzled again for a year this time if you do that."_

" _-Fucking kill me already!" Beyond screamed and struggled with the strait-jacket which bound him tightly together. "That's what you fucking want, you incompetent fucking whore, trying to analyse me with feelings and fucking emotions! Fucking feelings, I have no need for them, I have no fucking emotion or fucking sense left because of_ this _fucking pla-"_

He was cut off by the gag. The man looked so angry and crazed that some of the detectives watching looked taken aback by how he stared straight at the camera, as though looking at them and their imminent deaths.

Light didn't know what to think when the video ended.

Beyond was violent, and he had been locked in the mental institution to be experimented on, interviewed relentlessly until he broke in anger at being belittled and driven to his boiling point—Light assumed. That led to him breaking out, and killing those that had gotten in his way.

"Aizawa-san, please transcript the interview videos and send them to the team for further reference," Soichiro ordered.

"Yes, sir."

Light ignored everyone else around him and stared at the crime scene photographs. It was brutal. The police officer's head had been bashed open by a blunt, heavy object, blood and bruises on the man's face, more blood still on the hospital bed sheets and the floor. There was an indentation on the back of his head, which meant he had been forcefully pushed down on the metal frame of the hospital bed. The cause of death was blood loss. The matron's eye had been stabbed in by a small sharp object, her throat mangled by the same object, her jugular torn open brutally—Light assumed it was a pair of scissors from what the report described. She had died of blood loss as well. And a third woman, a nurse, who had been stabbed in the stomach in a vital area that she couldn't even be saved, even in a busy place like the A & E. She also died of blood loss.

The two crime scenes were horrifying. Light thought he had numbed himself to things like this, but the thought that B had done this... he visibly shuddered.

He closed the case file and tucked it into his briefcase, about to tell his father he had to leave when Matsuda tapped his shoulder.

"Light-kun, look, about last night, us leaving you behind-"

"Matsuda-san, I'm not mad about it. I'm sure you're sorry and all, but I'm fine. I have to leave."

"Yeah?" The man still looked sheepish, "I'm sorry, Light-kun."

"It's _fine_." He repeated.

Light left rather abruptly after giving Matsuda a forced smile, and approached his father, who was talking to Mogi about the case.

He was doubting himself. He waited for the older man to finish speaking, thinking in the meantime. Should he tell him he'd already made acquaintance with the killer? Tell him that he had spoke to him—offer the correct description, where he had met him specifically? Then again, if he met B once more, the man might realise that Light had done such a thing, and if his violent tendencies were right, the man might actually jeopardise Light's safety.

Beyond had the power to kill him if he so pleased.

"What's the matter, Light?" Soichiro asked.

"Father, I have to leave. I have an appointment with a friend of mine," he responded, trying not to sound so hesitant.

"I can let you leave early, Light, but you have to return to work tomorrow as usual. No exceptions," Soichiro said, "You were late today. That is unacceptable if it goes on."

"I know, father, and I'm sorry." _Should he tell him?_ "-I don't know what was wrong with me, I couldn't wake up on time." A lie. He knew what was wrong with him.

 _Tell him, Light,_ he thought to himself, _it'll make things easier._

"That's never happened before, has it?" Soichiro gave him a smile, "Don't overwork yourself, Light. You'll end up like me."

"Yes, father. I-" Light paused. He wanted to tell him, but something stopped him. Fuck, he felt so guilty.

"Yes?"

"I—nothing." He answered quickly. "I'll get going now, father. Say hello to Sayu and mother for me."

"I will."

Light left, taking the lift down to the ground floor and leaving the NPA building and walking to the outdoor car park. He intended to buy the newspaper and a can of coffee powder and some convenience store food from the shop down the street where he lived before he returned home. He didn't want to think of _him_ , or the new case he was assigned to—because it made his head hurt, made him confused as all hell... Light wanted to go to his bed, change his sheets so he didn't think of B sleeping beside him anymore, take a couple of aspirin pills and sleep.

Why had he withheld information to himself and not told his father he'd seen him? Why was he being so irrational now? He didn't need it. He was meant to be realistic, dedicated to his job, and yet he was withholding information about a killer.

The thought of the first person ever in his life to actually fascinate him, interest him and hold a proper, intellectual conversation with him, the person he genuinely liked even with his harshness the morning after—that person being a killer... that sickened him and saddened him at the same time. Why did it have to be this way?

Then he stopped dead in his tracks.

Beyond was sitting there opposite the road on the park bench, legs pressed up against his chest in that odd, uncomfortable-looking position. He had a jar of jam in his hand, and he was eating—slurping the entire thing in a grotesque manner. Cigarette butts were littered on the floor which had to be his fault since the place around the NPA building was normally impeccable and clean. The man was about to down the rest of the jam as though it was a drink, when his red eyes met Light's. He felt frozen in place.

God, he wanted to run away. Fucking bolt and hide. He wasn't joking about being his stalker, he knew that now. But he couldn't.

Beyond grinned widely and that was frightening, like the devil himself smiling at him, waving at him and gesturing for him to come over.

Light crossed the road and met up with B rather reluctantly, but schooled his features so the man didn't pick up on anything amiss.

"Hello, Light."

"Hi. B-san, did you actually come to stalk me?"

"I did, yeah." A chill ran down his spine. Beyond stood up. "Where is Light headed?"

"I just was about to take my car and go to a convenience store, actually..."

"Yeah? Can I come?"

Was he going to kill him if he said no? He would rather not risk it.

"Sure, B-san," he said warily, "But don't... touch me or anything."

Beyond was staring at him intensely, and that made him extremely nervous. Light ran his fingers through his hair, then started walking to the car park, getting in the driver's seat while B sat down beside him. He was starting to turn on the engine, radio and air conditioner when he spoke again.

"I think Light knows something, and he can't gather enough courage to tell me."

He was staring right through him. Fuck.

"What are you talking about, B-san?" he laughed gently, putting a rather convincing act, "I'm just tired. I also didn't expect to find you sitting in front of the building I work in either."

"No, Light wanted me to be there."

Beyond rubbed his own bottom lip, staring, "Light must have missed me."

"No, I didn't," he scowled, because Beyond was acting the same infuriating way, "You know what? I should just kick you out."

"Light shouldn't resort to petty threats, either. It doesn't suit him." B paused, "-There's an 80% chance that he's hiding something important from me. That is suspiciously high."

Light plainly ignored him, and began to drive to the convenience store and turned on the volume of the radio a little bit louder.

"Light really _is_ being petty," B mused aloud, "Turning the volume on louder on the radio won't stop me from saying just _why_ I think he's hiding something from me."

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it."

"You see, I notice little nuances in people," B continued to tell him, "-If I stare at them hard enough. I've stared at Light for so many hours; therefore I think I'm quite clear as to why he's been unable to see me straight in the eye. It's not because he's shy, because I know he isn't. That's a straight up lie."

"We've only been separated for four hours. Within the span of four hours, he has only been on the journey from home, then to work. He must have had a rather important, classified case for him to actually go to work on a Sunday."

"Since Light is a detective," B continued to muse aloud, still staring at Light who was trying to keep a straight, unaffected face, "I think it is a case which the NPA Chief must have considered to be important enough—vital for national security, but since no announcements on the television have been made yet, the chief doesn't want the general public to be afraid of a serial offender. _Serial killer_ , yes, let's assume that."

Taunting him.

"In fact," he continued saying, "The chief is acting rather proud, thinking that the general public isn't at risk, not even informing them, thinking that they have the right leads in their itty-bitty case files, and that they have correct information, when it is probably _very_ insufficient..."

"Also," B said, "This serial killer, is rather elusive, like a spectre with no name and age and has only murdered in a rather unimportant place, perhaps somewhere where forgotten people of the society go—like a prison, or a _fucking_ loony bin..."

"Yes. In conclusion, this serial killer," he said, staring at him intensely. "Is _me_."

Light had to stop himself from reacting, because he couldn't. He could _die_.

B continued, still watching Light's face as he kept his eyes on the road. "Light understands this fact, and yet he's not calling for backup. Maybe he's already told them, and he's being wiretapped right now, collecting enough evidence-"

Before Light even stopped the car, Beyond was ripping at his clothes to check.

"Hey-!" Light headed for the side of the road and stepped on the brake, "The _hell_? If you want to die, fine, but don't bring me into it! I was fucking driving!"

There was no wiretap on Light's body, or anywhere visible in the car, but he couldn't be for certain yet.

Which meant a few things. "You didn't rat on me?" Beyond laughed, "Or you did, but you're doing it so well you're fooling even me."

"I _didn't,_ " Light hissed. "I feel fucking horrible for it, now that you nearly made me crash my car!"

"Why not? You could have." He didn't bother to use his name this time.

"Because-" Light faltered and remained silent for a few moments.

"Go on."

"...You know what? _Fuck you_."

"You want that?" B laughed again. "Good, 'cos I want to fuck you too."

Light rolled his eyes this time.

"Because Light was scared of me, wasn't he? He still is. He is torn between telling the NPA, or keeping my friendship because I'm so fucking _fascinating_. I spoke to him like no one ever has before in his boring, miserable, perfect little life. I'm so completely different from all the mediocrity he has ever known. Because the both of us are on the same level. He thinks it's _exciting_ to keep me. Does it turn him on, having me around?"

"You're—you're fucking infuriating. You know that?" Light's face was colouring rather prettily, rather adamant.

"You never actually denied you're scared of me." Beyond was leaning in, cupping his face to which Light somehow let him, and he didn't understand why himself. "—It's actually true. Shh, I'm sorry. Don't be scared of me."

"Don't talk to me in such an _annoying_ , derogatory manner, B-san-"

Beyond was kissing him before he had any more chance to continue. Light was tense, but he—fucking liked that kiss so much, and it made him feel _horrible_.

"Don't kiss me anymore," Light said dully when he pulled away, looking away, embarrassed and ashamed of himself, "I can have you arrested anytime. I could call my father, who _is_ the Chief right now, and have him track me down..." He felt rather weakened by all that Beyond knew. Light redid his mangled shirt, sighing when it didn't even button up properly anymore.

Why was this man making him feel this way?

"Then Light will have a hell of a time explaining why he was keeping me in his car instead of telling everyone immediately."

He sighed, and continued driving all the way to the store, the both of them quiet, Beyond sneaking glances over his perfect face and dishevelled appearance.

"Why did you even rip my shirt open in the first place?"

"To check for wiretaps, remember? If Light has such a bad memory-"

"Fuck you."

"Light is being so forward. It's _such_ a turn on."

Light sighed again, parking behind the convenience store, before getting out of the car and finding his spare jacket in the car boot. He put it on to cover himself up for decency and zipping it up, Beyond standing right beside him, his red eyes still raking over him possessively. Light didn't know what to think of it.

He liked his attention, this person who was his equal in standards of their intelligence. At the same time, it was awful. It was torture.

Beyond tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear rather gently, and Light turned away before he could try anything else, because they were in public. He walked in quick strides towards the store, getting his items while the other man followed, watching him from behind, poorly concealed desire burning in his red eyes which unsettled Light when he decided to actually turn around and look at him.

"B-san, you're acting rather suspicious," he commented, picking up several food items and canned drinks. "Stop looking at me."

"At least I'm not bothering to hide anything. I'm looking at you like this because I desire you so badly."

Fuck, he said it so plainly Light almost blushed. Almost.

"Well, then... don't," Light said weakly.

Because Beyond was a bastard for being so direct, saying everything out loud, unsettling him. B gave him an odd smile, picking up the grocery basket on the floor and bringing it to the counter when he was done with his things, waiting for him to pay and carry them into the car.

The trip back to Light's home was rather quiet. Beyond even made a concerted effort to stop looking at him so often, even being helpful and helping him carry his groceries and letting him come in and put the things on the kitchen counter, watching Light store the items, before peeling his jacket off and folding it properly, following him into his bedroom when Light took off his mangled shirt, and changed into a cotton one. Light noticed that Beyond's hungry eyes were raking over him, which irked him more and more every passing moment.

"Do you mind?" he asked, annoyed.

"I don't mind if Light wants to take his clothes off in front of me."

"What more do you want, B-san?"

"No, that's not the question, Light. The question is, what is it that Light wants?" B sat down on the edge of Light's bed, "Letting me in when he know just very well who I am, and what I've done. Light wants me, doesn't he?"

"You're rather presumptuous."

"I'm not. I'm just stating the facts."

"You're right," Light decided to admit after a moment of consideration, sitting beside him on the bed, looking down at his feet, "I was torn earlier between revealing to my father what I knew, because it's important to the case. No one knows much about you. Even the details of you before you were sent to that hospital were rather vague. I feel horrible for withholding information about you from the team. And then I'm also torn between...the both of us having a proper conversation that night. I admit... I rather enjoy your mind. I've never been able to talk to anyone on my level before. You might have made an amazing detective, but then again-"

"So Light is stuck between a decision of idealistic justice, and a sense of camaraderie with me, a person who offends society."

"Yes, I suppose."

"And yet, you know nothing about me, except from what I've told you and the case file you were given."

"...Yes."

"Light is rather loyal to the people he likes, isn't he?" Beyond responded, "I wouldn't have pegged him to be the type to be secretive over a criminal like me. It would have broken my heart if he had revealed me to the police, but I suppose I could have evaded them with disguises. I'm actually rather good with them."

"-Besides, there's no way in hell I could have hurt you over it," B stated simply. "And I'm rather happy that Light has decided to keep me, harbour a _criminal_ , instead of giving them a lead in an investigation he's actually working on. You surprise me so much."

"B-san, stop trying to flatter me," Light groused, "I haven't done a _good_ thing. I'm still torn between my decisions. I've been feeling so stupid for not being honest with them. I could get back anytime and tell them about you."

"But Light won't do something like that, because he trusts me and wants me as a friend, or perhaps, more than that."

"...I don't know."

A comfortable silence.

"B-san, you said in the interview video that you can see people's death dates. What is that about?" he asked, curious. "Describe it to me?"

"I've been born with this gift—this pair of eyes that lets me see people's names, the date and time they're going to die, in jumbled numbers. I've figured this out since I was five when my parents died." Beyond had never revealed personal information like that, so that was rather surprising. "I can see Light's now, but I won't divulge him, because that would be _rude_. I've been thinking that a perfect name for them would be _shinigami_ eyes... rather poetic. Doesn't Light think so too?"

"Is that why you're so unstable, B-san?" he asked him doubtfully, "Because you see death?"

"Maybe."

"Where are you from, B-san?" Light continued to ask, "You're European, aren't you? I can't place where you're from just from your face, and your Japanese accent is rather impeccable."

"Don't know. Why doesn't Light find out and tell me?"

"You're the one who doesn't even trust me when I'm trying to get to know you."

"I can't tell, Light. No one knows anything about me, not even myself."

"So you're just going to remain a mystery?"

"Yes. Aren't mysteries exciting, Light?"

"They are, but you're not a fucking _book_."

"The last time I checked, no."

Beyond was staring at him again.

Fucking _devouring_ him with his eyes, and his long fingers mysteriously found their way and stroking Light's face, and he sighed, about to get up from the bed before Beyond did anything more.

"Don't go kissing me again, B-san, I don't want you to."

"No, Light _needs_ me to."

Then he was just grasping his face in his hands and kissing him deeply before he could push him away properly.

"Please— _hmmh_ , B-san, don't do this anymore, I can't-" He was stopped by more of his kisses, and he could feel his resolve dying away.

No one had ever kissed him with such fire before. Especially not criminals who were wanted by the NPA for being dangerous and lunatic, especially not fascinating genius men with horrible posture and hungry red eyes, and were susceptible to bad habits, who looked at Light as though he was the only one who _existed_.

"Don't, I can't, please," he whispered breathily, resolve definitely worn off but still saying these things because Light was in so much denial.

"No? Light doesn't want me to?" Beyond was pushing him down on his back gently, kissing his jaw and neck and marking them with kisses and bruises from his hungry mouth. "But Light is so beautiful," he informs him, "I might be falling in love with him."

_What-?_

He couldn't be serious, he couldn't be. Who just said things like that after just one night together? Obsessive, insane people, that's who. He was a criminal, and he killed people. He had the potential to kill more. He even said that he had no emotions or feelings in the interview clip he'd watched earlier in the meeting room.

Beyond was just saying these sweet, nice things as a joke to him, and if it was, it was stinging him _badly_ -

"Don't say things you don't mean, B-san," he whispers finally, pushing against his firm broad chest.

"Why does Light insist on saying hurtful things?" Beyond looked at him and took one of his hands, kissing his knuckles, "I love him so badly. I want to keep him. He's _mine_."

God, with every possessive sentence he was marking his skin with kisses. Beyond was lifting up his shirt and hitching them up out of the way, stroking his flat stomach and laying kisses over his gorgeous form, his tongue even flicking snake-like against his soft sun-kissed skin till Light couldn't stand anymore, and he clutched onto Beyond's shirt instead of pushing him away.

"Does Light hear it? He's fucking _mine_. I'll never stop making him realise this," he whispered roughly, fondling his little nipples till they peaked against his fingers, twisting the soft nubs lightly till he heard a pretty sound slip from his mouth.

"Hmgh—okay, I understand," Light said to him in return, gasping when his mouth descended on his nipples and suckled on them lewdly, his hands slipping through Beyond's hair and grasping hard, "No need to be so possessive, B-san-ah..."

Kissing and touching like this was fine. This, Light could deal with, but if Beyond expected more from him—he simply couldn't. It was disgusting. No-that was a lie. It was a fearsome concept to him, but he couldn't admit it.

He let out a yelp when Beyond decided to hoist his hips up into the air and undo Light's pants, trying to tug down his boxers and Light was suddenly fucking scared. He squirmed against him, trying to push him away as Beyond tugged them off and forced him to be naked beneath him.

"Stop it, B-san!" He yelled out, choking on a gasp when he decided to manhandle him into position, pushing his thighs open and stroking his cock, trying to get Light hard.

Fuck, he _couldn't_ , B had to stop this...

"Look, Light, it's already twitching and hot, it wants me to touch it..."

"I said _no_! Don't touch me there! Let go, B-san, I said don't-!"

"Fuck-" Beyond swore, because when he spread his taut cheeks, he could see everything, the tight little pucker which clenched in on itself, "I'm going to fuck you so bad and make you hungry like a good little _cumslut_." He stopped calling him by his name again in the heat of lust, "I'm gonna tear you open with my cock, you hear me? And you're going to like it, because I fucking say so."

Light's cheeks were coloured in embarrassment, afraid of all those dirty, lusty admissions and semi-aroused against his own will, Beyond's insistent hand jerking his cock and rubbing his tight little entrance. "I don't want what you're _saying_ , I'll fucking _hate you_ if you do that to me—" When he rubbed his thumb against the tip of his cock Light gasped and kicked at him, throwing B's false claim back in his face, "I thought you said you _loved_ me, you bastard? Don't do this -!"

"I do love you so bad, that's why I want to have you _now_ -"

Beyond leaned in to kiss him to quiet him down, and Light threatened him, tears stinging his eyes, "I'll fucking bite your tongue off if you kiss me! Get off! _Please_ , B-san, listen to me! I'm not fucking _ready_!"

He wasn't listening. He was pushing his wrists down against the mattress, undoing his fly with one hand, and the sound of the zip terrified him. The man was going to fuck him, oh God, he couldn't let him- he finally squirmed enough to get out of the larger man's grasp, managing to land a hard punch on Beyond's face.

The force actually sent his head jerking back. Beyond was stunned for a few moments, before he recovered and was attacking Light in anger, his hands wringing around his slender neck and choking him.

"Why the fuck did you do that, huh? Who the hell do you think you are, no one fucking punches me, you hear that? No one fucking _runs_ me anymore, don't you fucking dare—I'll kill you!"

Light struggled and shook his head, tears leaking from his eyes from pain and he couldn't _breathe_.

Fuck, he was going to _die_ -!

"Who the fuck do you think you are? I said fucking LOVE you, and you _dare_ -"

Light's hands weakly pressed on Beyond's hands around his neck and tried to pry his strong hands off.

" _B-san..._ " Fuck, his voice was pathetic. He was getting dizzy. He was going to lose consciousness soon, he was going to _die_ -

Beyond suddenly stopped.

Light choked horribly for breath, sitting up and crawling back and away from Beyond, tears filling his eyes as he coughed and hacked and gasped until he could breathe better.

Beyond was staring at him, and Light wiped his tears angrily and held his bruised throat.

" _Fuck you,_ " Light managed, voice hoarse and quivering, "If you _loved_ me, you wouldn't have done _that_...!"

He took another deep breath before shouting in a strained, raspy voice. "Get out! Get the fuck out, I don't ever want to see your face again, you sick son of a _bitch!_ "

"Please, Light-" Beyond approached him, and it sent a pang to have him back away from him, crawling away like he was scared. "Please, I'm sorry," he apologised for the first time, "I didn't mean to hurt Light, I do love him so much... I made a mistake, I'll really take care of him, I won't force _anything_ -"

Light was sobbing because he was _afraid,_ Beyond realised. B held him in his arms. He tensed for a moment, let him ball his fists and punch his chest as much as he wanted. He beat the criminal's chest for a long while, and then finally grabbed Beyond's shirt and cried into the skin of his neck.

"Please forgive me, Light," he whispered into his ear, "Please? I'll be good to him from now on, I won't do anything stupid to him again."

"I should fucking arrest you now," he whispered brokenly to him.

"Yes."

"But you made it so I can't _fucking_ do it!" His voice was hoarse so it sounded like a cry instead of a scream. "I fucking hate you for it! I hate _myself_ for it!"

"I'm sorry."

"Fuck you, B! I wanted you as my friend because I liked our conversations, and you had to go be a _murderer_ -"

"Light can change me if he wants."

Light looked at him doubtfully, "Still, you told me you wouldn't hurt me, and yet you did. How am I supposed to change you?"

"Please believe me, it won't happen again." And when Light looked away, B cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his mouth, "I love you, Light."

Light simply nodded once, and lay down on the bed, feeling the man getting in behind him and wrapping his arms around him, kept awake for a long time even with the comfort Beyond was giving him.

What was he getting himself into?


	4. Black Milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porn warning, dirty talk.

Beyond couldn't fall asleep for too long or his body would ache. Three years of being constantly strapped down and restrained had done that to him. Every day he'd had only had an hour of freedom to exercise in the gym. It was like a fucking prison. If he misbehaved, threatened or hurt someone, that right (or, as they called it, that _privilege)_ had forcibly been taken away from him. For a genius like him, the lack of stimulation had driven him mad with boredom and loneliness, and it had been built upon—he'd already _been_ disturbed, before being locked up, but it had escalated a great deal while in the mental hospital.

He didn't have dreams anymore. He didn't like sleeping because he felt like it was rather pointless. He had the freedom to move whenever he wanted, and he wanted to abuse it.

If he wanted to sleep the day away, he would have remained at that fucking hospital. His lack of sleep was the main reason why his wide, round eyes were lined with dark circles, which stood out unnaturally on his pale skin. So he spent two hours staring at Light as the younger man slept, memorising his face and threading his fingers through his soft head of hair and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

That slowly purpling bruise on his neck was his doing.

Beyond couldn't believe he had let himself do something like that. He'd told Light he was in love with him, and in the rational world, people in love would never hurt each other. Strangling him was a defence mechanism, and Light rejecting him. He felt fucking horrible for it, but then again, he couldn't help but to think Light looked beautiful in tears. He couldn't have him crying again over future, _stupid_ incidents like that if he wanted to keep him.

He decided he could do with less thinking and more doing, so he leaned over the younger man. Light felt a hand shaking him awake, and he groaned and mumbled to the intruder he wanted to sleep more, his hazy eyes peering at the alarm clock. It was only five-thirty in the morning.

"Light, wake up."

Beyond was kissing his mouth, his cheek and his jaw, Light trying to swat his head away, because his throat hurt like hell, and his eyes were still somewhat puffy from crying last night.

"It's too early, B-san," he mumbled hoarsely.

"Shh, I know. Come, let's take a bath." His voice was gentle, and in his sleepy state Light couldn't help but succumb to it. It was five-thirty in the morning, but perhaps Beyond was right about it—he might need a bath after last night, so Light decided not to question him.

He managed to tug him away from bed, pressed him up against the bathroom counter and removed his shirt, pants and boxers. Light was too tired to comment about how inappropriate it was even though B had practically seen every inch of his naked skin last night. He still flushed slightly when Beyond decided to remove his own clothes and pulled him into the warm bath and sat the younger man on his lap. He took the soap and began lathering his hands, running them over Light's slender body, washing him thoroughly and gently, taking care to wash every inch of him. Even over his thighs, calves and toes, and his slender, lightly toned back, and Light shuddered at how he was openly touching him.

Because he never had anyone pay such attention to him before, and it made Light feel _wanted_. Beyond was different. He was a genius, even if he was crazed and rather mentally unstable, but a genius nonetheless. Tons of average people paid him attention for his abilities but it just wasn't the same. So, when someone like Beyond became obsessed with him, Light thought he could …actually welcome it.

It was a reprieve from all the mediocrity in the world.

People had only wanted him around because he was above them, but Beyond right there with him and seemed to genuinely want him, even if in some ways the attention was wrong. He told him he wanted to be his stalker, and he was actually _serious_. It frightened him but …he could learn to adapt to it.

Only Beyond could do that to him, hurt him to that extreme and continue to fascinate him, and when his hands moved so forgivingly over his body, he was actually letting him. Light didn't want to understand his own rationale, not if it meant keeping Beyond close.

The man had told him that Light could change him if he wanted, but Light wasn't a miracle worker, and he couldn't even believe too strongly Beyond's claims of loving him.

Light leaned into Beyond's chest as he was tired and slowly waking up in the warm water of the bath.

"Why do you have to do this to me?" He mumbled, feeling Beyond's long fingers stroking his chest and stomach.

"Because I love Light, that's why I'm giving him a bath." Beyond pressed a kiss over his slender, bruised neck, "I feel guilty for giving Light this bruise."

"You feel guilty?" Light almost snorted derisively, but he was too tired for it to sound convincing, "Then don't do it ever again, B-san."

"I know."

"Why do you have to even wake me up so early?" He yawned, the action rather adorable on someone as restrained and collected as him. "I only have to leave at eight."

"Because I wanted to tell Light how much I love him."

Light shuddered when his long fingers stroked and pinched his nipples which had already grown hard from the bath water. "Then you should remember what I said last night," he told him, pushing his hand away, "I can't do what you want to do with me."

"I won't be fucking Light in the bath just yet. He's not prepared for it, I understand." He was trailing more kisses over his jaw and bruised neck, wincing at the crude wording, about to tell him off when Beyond soaped his hands more and started washing in between Light's thighs, jerking when his hands were touching his sac, rubbing over his little pucker and soaping up his cock which made Light gasp.

" _Don't,_ I told you that-"

"Light is so tense," Beyond spoke, kissing his shoulders gently, "I'm just giving him a massage."

"Hngh!" Light squirmed when he began to stroke him properly, pushing at Beyond's arm wrapped around his waist, "B-san, don't touch me like that, I _can't_ -"

"Shh, I'm doing this because I love you." He turned him around on his lap to face him, so he could stare into Light's wide brown eyes, his unnerving stare making Light rather self-conscious. "I never had a reason to live until I met Light."

"I wanted to escape from the place because I knew I couldn't die there," Beyond continued to tell him, still touching him until Light decided to whimper, "I wanted to have a week alone, roaming the city and enjoy all the simple pleasures in life. Does Light know what were the five things I wanted to do?"

Light managed to shake his head, gasping when he felt his thumb stroke over the sensitive, leaking tip of his cock.

"First, I wanted to find a decent, comfortable place to stay. Then I wanted to eat the best meal I've ever had in my entire life, and visit my big brother," he stated calmly, "And I wanted to make love to a beautiful woman, and then the final thing I'd like to do..."

"...Is to blow my brains out."

Light's eyes widened at the last part, starting to pant when the other continued to insistently touch him.

"Blow y-your brains out?" Light managed to gasp, his face coloured prettily and that just made Beyond stare even more.

"B-san, you wanted to... _ah- k-kill_ yourself at the end of this week?" Fuck, his hand was slick, and it felt so good, squeezing in the right places and touching him in a hot, erotic manner that Light couldn't resist.

"Yes, unless Light has something to say about it."

The man pulled him into a loving kiss that Light couldn't help but succumb into. His mouth was so hot, he couldn't stand it, little pleasured sounds and gasps slipping from his throat.

"Why would you— _hnnh_ , wanna do something like that?"

"Everyone knows the sort of shit I've done. I'd rather not die in prison. Why? Does Light want me to live?"

"But you're like me... you _can't_ -" A pretty little tremor was quivering in Light's body.

"I thought Light's sense of justice wanted people like me dead and put away."

"That's true, but—" Light gasped again. He felt so _hot_ he thought he'd melt.

"Light actually likes me, doesn't he?" He kissed his throat again, "But he isn't sure he loves me yet."

Light was fucking embarrassed, but he managed a small nod.

"If he doesn't want me dead, he should keep me."

"But I'll be harbouring a criminal, and that's... _wrong_ ," Light whispered, gripping the side of the tub, "I could get sentenced too, my father won't be proud of me anymore-" He gasped, because his throbbing cock felt good that it hurt, and he was going to come soon if Beyond kept this up...

"Light's cock is twitching," Beyond commented dirtily, a little grin on his lips, "He wants to come, doesn't he?"

"Y-Yes, I wanna-" He let out a small keening sound and a choked gasp when he wrapped his hand firmly around the base and effectively stopping his orgasm, crying out rather prettily, "B-san, what are you _doing_? That hurts!"

"If he wants to come, he should beg me."

" _What-?_ That again? Fuck you-"

"Just a nice 'please' would be fine."

B was enjoying this, wasn't he? Light thought hazily, squirming on his lap as he decided to play with his sac, rolling each of them between his fingers and rubbing gently against his tight little pucker, and he nearly panicked for a second, but it felt too good to ignore.

Light wasn't about to give in, however.

"This could take forever, Light." His fingers traced and rubbed his perineum, watching Light make little gasps, his body jerking and trembling that made Beyond stare and tempted to do more.

"I'm not going to beg you anymore! It's humiliating!"

"Is that so?" Beyond asked him, using his other thumb and licking it wetly, slicking it with saliva and rubbing against the drooling tip that caused Light to jerk on his lap and release a sweet, choked little sound.

"Did Light like that? Does he want to tell me what I want to hear?"

"No, because you're _embarrassing_!"

"Mm hmm." Beyond's wicked tongue was tracing his sensitive ear and shoulder, his hand moving to pinch and tug his nipples, rubbing at his flat little stomach like he was his _fucking_ pregnant wife or _something_ -

He couldn't stand it anymore after a couple of minutes. It was humiliating, mainly because he fucking _liked_ it. " _Please,_ B-san, let me _come_ -"

"Why should I let Light do that?"

"Because it _hurts_ ," Light cried out, pushing against Beyond's shoulders, "Fuck you, I want to come!"

"Beg me a little bit more convincingly?" He was smirking and staring, because Beyond and Beyond alone had this power over him.

He finally succumbed after panting and writhing for a couple more moments. " _Please_ -!"

"Good boy." Light shivered with that humiliating praise. He wasn't a fucking _dog_ , to be told things like that. Then he was stroking him in quick insistent motions, and his body shook and his back arched prettily, his release erupting and spilling over his stomach and Beyond's fist.

It took him a long moment to recover, his legs feeling like jelly as he leaned forward and panted against Beyond's ear, catching his lost breath. He washed off the traces of sperm left on his stomach, and he couldn't even say he was unhappy about this.

"You're horrible, you know that?" he muttered to him, annoyed at how Beyond had been playing him. He stood up in the water with his jelly legs and got out of the tub, taking the towel to dry himself off. He tossed the towel to Beyond, glaring at him and walking naked towards his bedroom, making Beyond stare because he looked so fucking inviting from behind.

And it wasn't like Beyond had _had release_ yet.

He watched in interest as Light tugged on a pair of boxers and pants, going shirtless because he hadn't ironed his shirt for work. He frowned at Beyond, who was still naked, looking at him disapprovingly.

"Please put on some clothes, B-san."

"Should I?"

Light huffed, not responding because he felt talking to Beyond was redundant. He left the room to prepare breakfast in the kitchen. Beyond finally decided to put some clothes on, followed him, sitting on the chair near the counter island and watching him cook, heating some rice and soup and making some omelettes, watching his naked back with interest.

"Is Light making breakfast for me too? That's rather endearing of him."

"Shut up. Do you want to starve? I'm just being _nice_."

"Light is being rather antagonistic to me on such a beautiful morning."

"It's because you can't keep your hands to yourself, that's _why_!"

"I'm sorry. I love you." He was getting up and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, standing much too close to him from behind and an arm wrapped around Light's waist.

The younger man sighed at the touching and shrugged it off, putting the eggs in an orderly manner on the plates, scooping the rice and soup into separate bowls, and proceeded to make coffee for himself because Beyond was definitely not letting him sleep in again. They sat beside each other at the bar, and Light turned on the TV, which was already on the news, watching it in peace as he ate his breakfast. He was surprised that Beyond wasn't saying anything yet. Before long, Light was washing the bowls when they were done and proceeded to iron his shirt, putting them on along with his tie, still yawning and covering his mouth as he glanced at Beyond, startled when he realised he was looking at him.

"Light still has forty-five minutes, he can take a nap if he wants."

"...No, I'd rather not."

Beyond looked at him and smiled, righting Light's slightly messy hair with his own fingers and pressing a kiss on the top of his head. Light seemed willing to let him do that much. The younger man did seem somewhat tired still, but they passed the time together like this until Light had to leave for work.

Light had been putting on his shoes when Beyond spoke.

"Isn't Light going to give me his cell phone number?"

"Whatever for?" His eyes narrowed as he did his laces, "I'm only going to work until five. I live such a _boring_ life, have you forgotten?"

"Isn't that what lovers are supposed to do? Call each other at work? Things like that?"

Light's face coloured prettily, completely indignant. "What-? We're not _lovers_ , B-san!"

"Is that so?"

Light could just sense Beyond's smirk. It annoyed him. "Fine." He gave him his cell phone number, not bothering to make sure he had written it down for the man. Then he closed the door in Beyond's face before the man had an opportunity to kiss him again.

He didn't know how to feel about things like this, especially if he was harbouring a criminal like Beyond. Dangerous, unstable people like him. When he went back home, he thought, he would definitely ask him to leave.

_Definitely._

It was only hurting Light.

Light got into his car, checked his appearance, and adjusted his collar and tie so the bruise on his neck didn't appear so obvious.

When he arrived at work, he greeted his colleagues, sat down at his desk and started to fill out a few reports left over from the day before that he hadn't got to because he'd left early. Not an hour later, he was being interrupted again.

"Light-kun, hey, Aizawa told me to give you the transcript—Hey, what's wrong with your neck?"

Matsuda again. Fuck, he'd noticed. Light should have had the foresight to wear something to cover his neck up.

"Thank you, Matsuda-san."

"No problem, hey, shouldn't you get that checked? That looks bad." Matsuda seemed to feel the need to linger. The man was grinning at him, giving him a concerned look.

"Can we talk about this later _?" Or better yet, just ignore it_ , Light thought. _I don't need your sympathy, Matsuda._

"Sure, I understand you have a lot of work to do, Light-kun." Matsuda gave him an odd glance.

"Wait, Matsuda-san. Do we have any new leads?"

"No, there's been no trace of this B guy ever since he disappeared. We have alerted the coast guards, and the customs for this man, but there has been no sightings of him so far. That means he is still in Japan."

"I see. Thank you." Matsuda smiled at him, took the hint and left.

Light hated small talk.

He was frustrated, and it was Beyond's fault. He just _had_ to be on the case to find _him_ , to complicate his feelings even more. He was so tempted to tell someone that the man they'd been trying to find was right there, right under their noses, in Light's apartment, but he knew he couldn't. He'd be implicated, and it was a tough process. He was rather unproductive for the rest of the morning because he was so distracted, but two mugs of coffee later, he was starting to make progress.

He had found recent records of a hospital staff's car being jacked and stolen the same night Beyond left the hospital. The reports showed that the car had been driven off a cliff, with an unidentified body inside smashed up and broken to be unrecognisable. It was as though Beyond intended for the police to assume he had died, and Light actually wondered how no one on the team stumbled across this information before. But this report was just newly updated, and no one had noticed yet. He printed out the information, and handed it to the chief before lunchtime.

Of course, Soichiro had praised him for the information and his deduction, telling him the crashed car would be double-checked for any leftover traces or evidences left by B, but Light couldn't help but feel empty inside after hearing the praise.

Light sat at his desk, staring off into nothing when Matsuda decided to invade his space again. He smiled and nodded at Matsuda's cheerful invitation to have lunch with a couple of his colleagues, watching when the man invited his father along as well, and the older man accepted.

He was being driven to a nearby restaurant, listening idly to the other men's conversation, responding when he needed to. And yet again, there he was, thinking of B.

He ordered something, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, confused when it was an unlisted number.

He picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Light." It was B. He glanced at his father, before looking down at his lap and responded as though it was perfectly normal to have a criminal on the other end of the line, the very same man who's case he was on. "It must be Light's lunchtime. Judging from the sound in the place, I'd say he's in a restaurant, along with his colleagues."

"Yes, but what do you want?" he asked him, keeping his voice low as he heard his colleagues laugh about something that he didn't keep track of.

"Is his father there too?"

"Yes."

"Oh, that makes it all the more risqué, doesn't it?"

"...I suppose. Is there anything you need?"

"Yes, I need Light."

What? He glanced at them again discreetly, looking away, about to stand up and make an excuse-

"Don't leave your seat, Light. I can go where you are right now and track you down. I'd like to talk to Light while he's in the very presence of his father, just for that novelty factor."

He was threatening him.

"...Go on." Light had to make this less suspicious, because he already saw his father glancing at him. Their food arrived, and Light pretended to distract himself with eating.

"Light can't say anything without raising suspicion, can't he? I know this, so Light can just sit there like a good boy listen to me talk."

He couldn't ask him to shut up, or his father could hear, and perhaps admonish him for his rudeness, and ask who that was. And that was rather unnecessary. "...Okay."

"It's a good thing Light decided to go to work instead of staying home," Beyond was telling him, "Or I don't know what I would have done to him. I would have kept him in bed the whole day and eaten him up."

Eaten him up...? _What?_

"Maybe eat him _out_ too. That depends on how willing Light is. But judging from this morning, he's already very willing."

Light had to stop himself from flushing in embarrassment. "I'd like to hang up now, please," he whispered lowly.

"No. I will find Light if he does that."

Fuck. Just— _fuck_.

"Is Light clear about this? Just give me a yes."

"... _Yes._ " Light was boiling inside.

"Good, Light is so obedient. It turns me on so badly. If he is as obedient at home as he is now, I might be swayed to reward him _more_. I might even been willing to bend down and suck his cock for him."

Light put down his fork a little bit too roughly, coughing slightly and trying his best not to flush, but Beyond heard it.

He was _humiliated_.

And yet, he couldn't put his phone down or even leave the table.

"Light shouldn't get angry. I don't offer my mouth to anyone so simply." Beyond continued, "I know how to deepthroat well, does he know that? I'll make it so he'll lose control and shoot his cum down my throat and even on my face, that is, if he wants something like that. I don't mind embarrassing myself for Light. I'll even lick it all up if he asks me to."

"...Maybe you shouldn't-"

"Why not? You're harbouring me. I'm obliged to please you." He was dropping all pretence of using his name, his voice growing more silky and hot, "I'm obliged to make you cum as much times as you want, make you lose control, make you so fucking hot and loose for my cock. You sat on my cock in the bath, you know how big I am. You need to be as loose as possible."

Light's hand was trembling, so he snatched it away and hid it under the table.

"I'll make you a fucking faggot for my cock."

His breath stuck in his throat. Light wanted to hide himself, run away, scream to Beyond he had no right to say something as lewd, dirty and fucking erotic like _that_ to him-

"I'll make you a fucking dirty cumslut who keeps begging me to fuck him." It was humiliating, because Light was getting aroused. He didn't know _why._ He couldn't _help_ it.

"And when I fuck him, I'll be sure to empty my cum deep in Light's belly. Make him fucking full with my sperm and let him walk with it buried inside his wanton, slutty body."

God-! That was-!

"Please, _don't-_ "

"That's what you love to say, right? Please, and _don't_. _I can't_. You're so fucking submissive, Light. I think that's one of your traits you don't reveal to anyone but _me_. Because I fucking _know_ you. I had my hands all over you, marking you everywhere... Did anyone notice that thing around your neck, darling?"

It was like he knew, because Matsuda did ask him why. Light had evaded answering.

"I'm sorry about that. You know that, don't you?"

"...Yes." Light whispered thickly. Beyond had no right to call him 'darling'.

"But it still won't stop me from wanting to mark and lick and bite you anywhere else." Light didn't know what was up with him, because he was growing susceptible to Beyond's dirty, abusive words. Like he really was turning into a submissive, masochistic bastard himself.

"When you get home, I'll show you how much I'm sorry."

"You won't," Light mumbled, "You're horrible."

"Are you aroused, Light?" A smirk in his voice, and then the sound of a lighter sparking, and Beyond exhaling. "Did my talking get you hot?"

"No..."

"You're lying."

"Light?" His father was speaking to him, to which he looked up. "You haven't touched your food. Who are you talking to?"

"Just my friend, father."

"Is that so? We have thirty minutes left to get back to work."

"Alright." Then, to B, "I have to go now. I'll see you again."

"Fine, Light. Come back home as soon as possible."

He hung up before Beyond could say anymore.

* * *

Light was nervous when he reached his apartment. He was standing right at the door, debating whether to even enter his own home, thinking how stupid he was for being apprehensive about such a thing, flinging the door open and seeing Beyond right there, lounging on the couch idly with a cigarette hanging from between his fingers.

Fuck, the man had the cheek to look right at home, grinning at him as Light kicked off his shoes, and stood right in front of him. He just had to pick up the courage, tell him to get out of his life before anything else happened, before Light got hurt, _before_ -

He gasped slightly when Beyond took his hand, leaned forward to put out the cigarette in a mug and pulled him down onto his lap unceremoniously. He was about to tell him off for it when he just as suddenly kissed him deeply.

Beyond was grasping the back of Light's head firmly, and kissing, tasting his mouth and tongue tracing over his bottom lip which made him gasp and open his mouth, his tongue managing to sneak in and ravished him with even more hunger that it overwhelmed Light. He didn't know how to react.

How could he do this to him when he was about to ask him to leave?

What was he getting himself into? Why was he letting him? But hell, he _knew_ all the answers already. What more was there?

"Don't tell me not to kiss you anymore, Light." Beyond was whispering in his ear, pressing kisses over his jaw and bruised neck, undoing Light's tie and shirt buttons.

"Don't tell me to leave you. I can't, I love you." Fuck, his words were like venom. It was like the man knew what he was going to say before it even came out of his mouth.

"Why do you keep insisting on saying that?"

"You understand why. It's the very same reason you're insisting on not letting anyone know how you're harbouring me. You want to keep me, and I want to keep you."

"But you're horrible... that phone call—I was _humiliated_! My father was looking at me!"

"Did Light get hot?"

"What-? That's out of the question! Don't do things like that anymore!"

"Answer me, Light." And when he refused, added, "Please?"

"You're so _inappropriate_...!"

"Who's talking about propriety now? You're the one coming back home to a criminal you're harbouring, the person he kisses and shares the same bed with..." Beyond managed to undo his shirt and pull it off Light's body, his hands roaming and touching Light's naked skin. "If I wanted to force you into this, I don't think I would have succeeded. That is, unless you had feelings for me too."

"I thought I had no emotions or feelings until I met Light," Beyond continued to say, "And Light isn't like me, he wasn't born like me—so can he at least try to understand where I'm coming from?"

"That doesn't mean you can-"

"We've gone through this before." His mouth was tracing its way down his neck, kissing his collarbone and his tongue doing lewd things to the sensitive nubs of flesh, licking and sucking over it, making Light gasp and grip onto his shoulders, torn between pushing him away or pulling him close.

His resolve was wavering – his resolve leaning towards pulling him close, even though he knew it was wrong.

"I've been waiting for Light to come home for a while now." Beyond was kissing down his chest and caressing the soft skin of his stomach.

"-Maybe Light shouldn't leave home for a while so he can be with me."

"You're ridiculous, I've never missed work before-" His mouth was covered by another kiss, so he stopped talking.

"Light is so perfect. Maybe he needs to be a little less perfect for me. It will make him look more human. Someone from outside might think it's suspicious how perfect Light is. That he's actually hiding a secret."

He was pushing him onto his back on the couch, his long fingers undoing his belt and zipper, tugging away the damnable piece of cloth as well as his underwear, leaving him naked and beautiful beneath him.

Beyond removed his socks, kissing his toes and ankles, working his way up to his calves and thighs and caressing every inch of sun-kissed skin. Light was looking away, but wasn't pushing him off—so he grasped his chin to make him look.

"I want Light's eyes on me."

He gasped when his fingers traced his tight pucker, jerking slightly at the sudden movement and Beyond's hot mouth dipping in to lick and kiss that place.

"I can't look at you when you do that—!"

Beyond just laughed, a deep sultry chuckle which had Light even more embarrassed as the man's tongue moved lewdly, scraping against the sensitive place, licking and sticking his tongue inside-

Fuck. Light covered his mouth so he didn't make a sound. The frustration from the earlier phone call was flooding back because he'd been aroused and unable to stop thinking of it. Of _him_ , and he wanted to lash out, but at the same time, Beyond's horrible fixation on him was rather alluring, and if he worked his way around properly—Light could change him.

Beyond had told him so.

"I'm eating Light out like I told him I would."

"Shut up...hah-" He whimpered, so he closed his mouth.

"You don't have to remain quiet on my behalf. I like hearing Light moan." He licked at his perineum, giving hot little licks and rolling each sac in his mouth, slicking it with his saliva. Light's body was trembling, and he didn't think he could restrain it even if he tried.

"Ah!" Light's eyes widened when he began to lick over the underside of his cock, tracing the vein with his tongue and then just plainly engulfed it with his mouth afterwards, actually _deep throating_ him like he said he would-

His fingers found their way into B's hair, grasping firmly and watching with open-mouthed pleasure as he took him in deep each time, actually feeling it go into his oesophagus—as though the man really had no gag reflex. It was no surprise he was getting hard all the way in his throat.

He was going it at, for how long Light didn't know because he couldn't _think_ , couldn't comprehend, he was so unbelievably aroused, and the next thing he knew he was feeling the faint beginnings of his orgasm and he clutched onto his hair tighter.

"B-san, I can't-" His voice sounded weak in resolve.

The man was smirking around his cock, going faster, forcing Light to feel everything, his toes curling as he felt his desire overwhelm him, crying out and whimpering as his fingers tightened on his hair and spilled down his throat.

When Beyond pulled away, he was licking a bit of his release away from the corner of his mouth, smirking at Light because the younger man's face was tinged pink, his mouth panting in the aftermath of his desire.

"If Light wants me to stop, he should throw me out now."

Light's eyes widened when he was suddenly lifted from the couch and carried, then dumped unceremoniously on his bed. Before he could react to that, the man was leaning over him and kissing his mouth hungrily, his hands reaching for a tube at the bedside. Where the _hell_ had that come from? He spread open Light's thighs, fingers tracing the pink little pucker and uncapped the tube, emptying nearly the entire contents of the lubricant deep inside his body. It was cool and slick, flooding his insides which made his hips jerk, trying to back away from Beyond's rather insistent ministrations.

"What did you do that for?"

"Surely Light understands the general idea of where this is going-" He kissed his thighs, pushing a finger inside his slick hole, some of the lubricant dripping out in a rather lewd manner.

"Ah!" He gasped again, feeling a relentless finger pushing in to the knuckle and working its way in deeply.

"B-san, you said you wouldn't hurt me again, you _promised_ -"

"I'm not hurting you." He kissed his knee, his hand effectively pushing his thighs open in a debauched display, "Besides, you haven't thrown me out yet." Beyond was preparing him open with his fingers, pushing a second, and a third in, seeing Light's rather uncomfortable expression, looking in between his legs and seeing how they were entering his tight muscles-

"That hurts, B-san!"

"I know, I'm sorry-" Then he was curling his fingers inwards, raking and twisting to find that spot inside him.

Light nearly screamed.

"What do you think you're doing-? Fuck!" He whimpered and his hips jerked, covering his mouth so he wasn't crying out too loudly.

Beyond's maddening fingers stroking and rubbing the sensitive ball of nerves inside him.

The man smirked.

"You like that, darling?"

"D-Don't call me that!" A whimper. Light didn't like how he was stuttering. It made him sound so… _submissive_.

"What should I call you, then?"

Beyond kept on raking his long fingers against his prostrate, the lubricant dripping out from how fast he was going, how Light's muscles clenched tight and made some of the slick substance get pushed out-

"...I don't _know_!"

Beyond watched in perverted interest as he continued to finger-fuck him, slowly but surely his body made pliant by his insistent caresses.

"Light doesn't know? What does he know, then?"

" _Fuck you_! -Ahh!"

"Light's cock is twitching again. Should I lick it some more?"

" _Don't_ -"

"You keep saying that, Light." He kissed his collarbone again, pinching his nipples and suckling on them until they got so erect, toying with his body like he deserved it. Light's arms reached to grab around his shoulders, nails digging into the cloth of his shirt and into his skin but he hardly cared, breathing heavily into his ear as he watched him moan and writhe under his ministrations.

"I can't, hnn- I'm going to cum again," Light whispered against his skin, hips jerking slightly when Beyond didn't stop, crying out when he fingered his little hole harder.

Beyond watched dispassionately as Light fell apart again, completely cool while Light writhed prettily beneath him, his cheeks pinked with desire, taking it for a few more moments before he was spilling his release onto himself all over again.

He crumpled against the bed, spent and tired and sweaty, completely worked up as he looked at what Beyond was doing next.

He was undoing his jeans.

Light could barely move, panting, his body weak even as he tried to push him off. "B-san, I can't let you do this-"

"No?" he asked him, "I've been such a generous lover, and yet you won't let me make love to you."

Make love? Who was he kidding?

His fingers hadn't even vacated him.

Beyond was completely erect as he pulled the digits out, taking the remains of the tube of lubricant and pressed out some of the slickness, covering his cock with it. Light was getting afraid again, apprehensive, his body language telling B all he needed to know. He kissed his mouth again.

"Trust me?"

He didn't seem like he was going to strangle him again. Beyond was being rather gentle compared to what he remembered from the night before.

Light was too jaded to be inclined to believe that Beyond was going to stop there. But if he was letting him—that meant Beyond had won control of him— of his _body_ , but not necessarily his mind.

He gave a shaky nod even as his instincts told him differently, feeling his long fingers sliding out, gasping and tensing when he felt the slick head of his throbbing erection pressing against his overly slick hole. Then it was pushing inside, and Light clawed at Beyond's broad shoulders at the sting, gasping adorably as he invaded him-

"Light should stop clenching down on me so much, it's driving me insane."

"I can't help it, B-san, it hurts!"

"Shh..." Beyond continued hitching his hips and pushing himself inside, slow, torturous movements as Light suffered through it, his grip on his shoulders drawing blood because it fucking _hurt_ and he wanted B to know that.

Finally he was buried balls deep, and Beyond pulled his head down to look at it, whimpering at the vulgar sight.

"It hurts, darling?"

"Y-Yes! _Fuck you_ -" He was clenching his eyes shut, face flushed and erection gone, at which point Beyond stroked him back to hardness, rubbing against his sensitive tip with his thumb till he was writhing, his inner muscles beginning to spasm less around his cock.

He let out a cry when his bottom was disturbed, his hips lifted up by a pillow tucked beneath it and the man began to fuck him insistently.

"Wait, B-san, please- ah!" He covered his face, mortified and overwhelmed because he could feel every inch sliding in and out, his sac smacking against his hole because he was going so deep, "Don't—ah, AHH!-do it so _hard_!"

There was no use telling him to pull out and stop now, the man's red eyes staring at him, lust-ridden, his desire completely overwhelming him and Light feeling somewhat apprehensive even at this point, fearing he would break him-

"Why not, darling?"

Then he was grinding against something buried inside him in quick insistent motions.

Light screamed—

-then covered his mouth again to muffle it.

"Right there?" he asked Light hotly, voice turning into a growl as he began to fuck him in an animalistic fashion into that sensitive place, his cock sliding in and rubbing, sliding _out_ and rubbing-

"Hn!" Light shook his head, tears forming in his eyes from how hard Beyond started to fuck him, but it felt so good his cock was starting to twitch and drool at the continued maddening thrusts.

"Fuck, you're getting all loose now," Beyond muttered dirtily, practically drooling at the sight of him losing control, "It's like your dirty boy pussy wants me to fuck you right here. I made you so wet, it feels like a fucking tight, soaked pussy-"

"HNNH!" Light covered his mouth with his palm, the other beginning to scratch at his sheets, tears leaking from his eyes from the continued abuse to his prostate gland.

"You like that, Light? I'm going to fuck you without touching your cock. You're going to cum from being fucked alone," Beyond was snarling, and despite himself, Light was starting to like the humiliating, dirty talk, the lewd praises...

"Look, your cock is twitching and wet... can you feel my cock throbbing inside you, darling? I'm going to fill you up so bad, fill your tummy with so much of my cum," he continued to growl, gripping Light's hips and began to pound into him so hard it was a wonder his body was taking all that abuse, good God, Light didn't think he could handle this any further. It was as though his body was meant to take Beyond slamming that hard into him, to get fucked into the mattress like he said he would in the phone call...

Without meaning to, Light succumbed to his release, spilling all over his stomach, his eyes rolling back into his head as he gasped sharply for air. He whimpered as Beyond continued to fuck him over his release, grunting into his ear as he slammed in hard, once, twice, burying himself so deeply and then flooding his insides. Light's body arched slightly off the bed at the hot, thick release filling him.

He felt him pull out, and Light thought it was over and just about to pass out when he felt Beyond's long fingers rubbing against that soaked, over-sensitive place.

"Look, Light, it's so wet and loose inside, my cum is dripping out..." Beyond was smirking, staring at him, probing against his loose little pucker. "It's dripping onto your sheets, Light, dirtying it. I left my DNA deep _inside_ you."

"Don't say such horrible things, B-san," he mumbled, still panting, "I can't, I'm tired-"

"It looks so ripe to be fucked again. Sloppy seconds, yeah? I like how _soaked_ you are."

"No! No more, B-san—ahhh!" He yelped as he was turned around and made to be on his hands and knees, though he fell onto his elbows from exhaustion, his pert bottom being held up in the air by Beyond's hands. Then he was pushing back inside, the unbelievably lewd, squelching sounds filling the air as the man began to pound into him hard a second time, gripping his hips till it bruised.

"I've been waiting for this so long, Light," he growled into his ear, "Do you know that? I've been meaning to fuck you like this. I want to fuck you so much you can't get tomorrow to go to _work_."

" _A—ahh!"_

"Ruin your perfect little schedule, ruin your body with _pleasure_..."

Light couldn't help but cry out again, because right in this angle it was maddening, Beyond knew just where to hit now that it would constantly rub his prostate-

"You like that, don't you? You like getting fucked like this, like the dirty little cumslut you are," he growled into his ear, his hips smacking against his taut bottom hard, "You'll only let me do this to you, won't you?"

"Won't you, Light?" He was making him turn his head back to look at him possessively.

Light's eyes were tearing with the sheer pleasure and pain, nodding furiously.

"Good boy, you're so submissive. I like it so fucking much." Then he stopped fucking him so hard, grinding painfully slow into his prostrate that Light keened and moaned, the man leaning in to kiss and lick his earlobe gently.

"You should repeat after me, Light."

"W-What?" Light's voice was hoarse with abuse, husky and delicious with sex.

"Say it. You're a dirty cumslut. you love my cock."

"N-No! Uhn..."

"Why not? You had no problem screaming so loud, letting the neighbours know you were getting fucked."

"Don't say that!" Light hissed, "They didn't hear-"

"How sure are you?"

"I'm v-very sure...hnn..." Light clenched his fists into the bedsheets, his hips actually moving back, as though needy for Beyond to fuck him.

"I'm not going to let you cum unless you say what I tell you." Beyond slammed into him hard—once, twice, then stopped again, hearing his sweet whimper.

"Ah—AH! Don't humiliate me like this again!"

"We all know your body likes to be humiliated. You came so hard when I told you how much I was going to fill up your tummy."

Light flushed harder, his cock twitching in desire, leaking precum onto his bed. "P-Please..." His voice sound defeated.

"Good, that's some progress. Say it."

Light was refusing to say it again.

"I could keep this up all night, and then you really can't get to work."

Light shook his head, little whimpers slipping past his mouth.

"You're stubborn, aren't you?" Beyond began to fuck him hard again, cum and lubricant dripping out of his hole as he slammed into his prostrate, gripping the base of his cock and forcing Light to halt his release as the man above him continued to use his body roughly, jutting and slamming into his tight, soaked hole, "I'm going to cum in you, darling, cum in your dirty, fucking _tight_ little hole-"

Beyond continued to pound into him, not restraining anything, keeping up the pace for several more torturous minutes.

When he felt the thick, hot, creamy fluid spill inside him once more in copious amounts, Light shrieked and shook his head, sobbing. "Please, B-san, I-I want it!"

"Then what do you have to say?" Beyond wasn't pulling out yet, his cock growing limp in his body.

"Please, I-" Light was mortified, having to pull his head so Beyond could hear his begging, "I-I'm a dirty c—cumslut," he whimpered, having to hide his face in the sheets, "I love y-your _cock_..."

"Good boy." Beyond stared at him as he released the base of his cock, stroking his cock quick and fast until Light was screaming with his release, trembling and shaken.

Light crumpled into the bed when Beyond finally pulled out, the man pushing him on his back and kissing his mouth deeply, and he was too tired and sore to protest. He watched hazily, still panting and trying to catch his breath as Beyond left him there, went into the bathroom to get a damp towel. When he returned he was wiping the brunette down, the places where he had soiled, and shivered at how loving his caresses were, so close to unconscious already from exertion.

"I love you so much, Light."

Light didn't know how to respond. He passed out.


	5. Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning, violent scene.

The first thing Light noticed when he woke up was the searing, throbbing pain that was absolutely killing his body.

The second thing he noticed, was that Beyond was lounging in bed, smoking and flicking through a newspaper, the man's red eyes glancing at Light when he stirred in bed. He groaned, and tried to sit up, before Light finally noticed a third thing, which happened to be the most important-

It was 12.48 pm.

 _Fuck_ , he was late for work.

"B-san, you didn't wake me up," he yawned, trying to sit up without wincing. He failed, however. Light noticed Beyond had at least dressed him in a pair of shorts for decency, and cleaned up the traces of the aftermath on his skin from last night. "I've never missed work before, you know."

"I know."

Light got up to go to the bathroom, limping a little and realising he could feel that he was still... wet inside, and he was completely embarrassed by it. He tugged down his shorts to take a shower and glanced at the mirror.

His hair was messy, and although he didn't look tired anymore, he still had bruises along his neck and shoulders and chest from where Beyond's mouth had kissed and marked him. Fuck, there were even bruises along his hips and thighs when he had gripped them when he fucked him-

And yet, there he was, the man sitting completely calm behind Light on the bed, smoking and reading the whole time as though he hadn't been affected by the deed he'd done. But no, there hadn't even been a hint of smugness at the fact. Beyond looked at him as though it was perfectly normal, perfectly routine... He had missed work, something he'd never done before, and he hadn't even called in sick. He was sure Matsuda and some of his other colleagues would show their unnecessary concern over him when he got back.

His plan yesterday to ask Beyond to leave was thwarted, all because he went on and did something like—last night...

He knew he was definitely interested in Beyond, when the man wasn't trying to _have_ him. Light needed persuasion, he needed an excuse and lots of pushing him to the edge when it came to… _letting_ the murderer have him. He wasn't about to submit without reason.

Light scrubbed his sore body, taking his time with it, gasping when he was caught off guard by a pair of wiry arms wrapped around him. He glanced up to see Beyond pressing kisses along his shoulders and neck, touches that Light couldn't help but lean into.

"Shall we go on a date today?" he asked him, "I've never even properly asked Light out, have I?"

"No, you haven't," Light decided to say, finally, "But my body is really... sore, I don't think I can walk properly… and that's _your_ _fault_."

"I know." Beyond pressed a kiss to his neck, "I'm sorry."

He sighed as he continued to kiss and touch him, rather liking the affection more than – cumming so much that he _passed out_ -

"Did Light wash himself out?"

"...I was about to." It was humiliating, just the thought of it.

"Don't do that."

"-What?"

He yelped as Beyond turned him around, and pushed him up against the bathroom tiles and kissed him deeply, in such a possessive manner he had to clutch onto him before he was overwhelmed.

"Didn't you have enough already, B-san?" Light muttered when he pulled away and started helping him wash his body.

"I'm obsessed with Light. I can't have enough," he spoke candidly, watching as Light loosened himself away from his grasp to towel himself off and brush his teeth.

Beyond noticed the slight limp as he made his way out of the bathroom, and he could faintly hear Light calling someone on the phone, quickly turning off the shower to watch him.

"Father? I'm sorry I didn't come into work today, I got sick and overslept," he said apologetically.

"Is that so? You should see a doctor, Light. The last time you got sick was when you were a child."

"I will."

"Light?"

"Yeah?"

"I know it's a bit out of place for me to ask you this, but I'm just concerned. You haven't been acting like yourself these past few days... I wonder if there's anything bothering you? Anything that I can help?"

"Well... I- It's nothing, dad."

"Aizawa's been saying he thinks you have a secret girlfriend. I'm not one for gossip, but is it true?"

"Is that so?" Light laughed slightly, "No, dad. I don't have a girlfriend. I would have told you first."

Beyond was dressing, watching him at the same time. _Smirking_ when he heard such a thing.

"Alright, son. Take care of yourself."

"Say hello to mother and Sayu for me, too?"

"Sure. Goodbye."

Light put down the phone, noticing Beyond's eyes had been on him, shrugging on a clean shirt and a pair of shorts because he figured he wouldn't be going out that day, ignoring him for a moment to make some lunch. Beyond leaned against the kitchen counter, watching as Light began to cook some rice and cut up some vegetables and meat. He noticed the silky brown hair that fell into his face and reaching to brush away and tuck the stray lock of hair behind his ear in a rather gentle movement.

Light looked at him as though chastising him, before turning away.

"How's the investigation for your current case going?"

Light was startled when Beyond initiated this sort of –normal conversation where it didn't involve Beyond saying possessive things to him, or how much he loved him. "Should I be divulging such information to you, B-san?"

"Well. It's really up to you, Light."

He put the vegetables and beef into separate bowls, turning on the stove to make stir fry, "If you must know, B-san, we found a car you stole and crashed. Other than that, no new leads, because the reason why is fairly _obvious_." He looked at him accusatorily, to which Beyond just laughed.

"Because you're keeping me. Funny how that works, though." Beyond grinned, humoured, "I want to know because I'm just curious why the police haven't issued any sort of public warning about me on the loose."

"Because they don't have enough information about you and we don't want to create a panic, B-san. Besides, ever since your escape, you haven't murdered anyone... At least not to our knowledge."

"You mean information that _you_ won't provide? You _know_ me, don't you? They do have my face, don't they?"

"Stop talking nonsense, B-san, you won't even tell me anything, not even your real name."

"Wammy's House."

"What?"

Beyond smirked. "That's my first clue. Do whatever you want with it. Also, my initials are B.B."

Light looked at him quizzically, but stored that information in the back of his head because Beyond mentioned so explicitly such information. He wished he was at work so he could get the information across, and let someone in on this-

A lot of people in the world had initials of B.B. even though it was somewhat unique that his first and last name started with the same letter, but then again, the possibility of finding B's identity from that was a horribly difficult puzzle, when he took into consideration his means of employment were from the NPA. The NPA, and not a worldwide organisation, and it was fairly obvious Beyond didn't originate from this country, so the records (if they even existed) would be rather difficult to acquire without outside help.

Though it would be hard to explain how he had stumbled upon _that_ information in the first place. Light supposed he could fake the evidence, but it was tedious. He began thinking and planning in the back of his mind, but he was unable to concentrate because Beyond was staring again, and his thoughts never got anywhere as he scooped up the hot food and put them onto the plates. The other man began to eat with him, sitting beside him and rather quiet until he broke the silence halfway through the meal.

"You're actually a pretty good cook, Light."

"Thanks."

"I like it. I thought I couldn't taste anymore, but I suppose I was wrong."

"Mhmm."

Beyond took a sip of water, glancing at him, "You saw the interview videos from that place, didn't you?"

"I did."

"Well? Aren't you going to give me your analysis?"

"I suppose." Light said finally, "You were admitted to the hospital in the first place for alleged drunk driving and animal cruelty. Since you weren't found with human bodies, and found with dog carcasses instead, they thought you were... unstable, with the potential to escalate, and had to be treated before you turned into a criminal."

"I wasn't intending on becoming a so-called criminal, Light. I wasn't drunk, I just didn't submit to the red lights, and the carcasses weren't my fault. I did jack the car, though."

"Surely, B-san, with your genius and sweet-talking and acting skills, you could have talked yourself out of the situation before they decided to send you there."

"I did, but I didn't like that traffic warden's face. Or being cuffed."

"... _God_ , B-san. That was pretty stupid of you. No wonder they thought you had the potential to escalate-"

"Tell me more about the _video_ , Light." He interrupted him, uninterested in what he had to say about that.

Light shot him an annoyed look. "Well, it seemed that whatever the treatment and drugs they gave you made you more violent."

"I'm not violent, Light, I was just bored out of my mind. I tried to converse with some of the patients or staff there, and they couldn't even look at me in the eye without telling me I'm fucking _Satan_. Yeah? Because my fucking eyes make me so _happy_. Being born the colour they are, having the fucking sight of death, and it's purpose is just— _beneath_ me. For the life of me, that's the biggest puzzle—what's the purpose of me being born with them? Just to infuriate me with life's uselessness?"

A pause.

"-Or if they decided to talk to me, yeah, these crazy people, they'd just repeat their sentences over and over again... like a fucking broken record. I struggled to keep myself sane, to remain normal and rational, surrounded by insane, boring, _fucking_ idiots..."

Light was startled, because that was sometimes how he thought of himself. Gods, he'd always thought how difficult it was connecting to normal people, because they were completely boring and idiotic, and in Beyond's situation…he was starting to sympathise with him.

"...But people who are bored don't bite off nurse's fingers, B-san. You knew what that would mean for you! If you had told them their treatment was working, at _least-?_ "

"I don't fucking lie." Beyond finished his meal and took out his cigarettes, lighting one, "They kept me drugged. They kept poking into my fucking cranium. I still have the scars on my scalp. Do you have any idea what they experimented and how they treated my brain? They had no respect for me. If I refused to take the pills, they forced me into the IV drips—like I was a fucking invalid. Why don't you see for yourself just how this particular mental institution practices their treatments? That is, if they even give you _permission_. I haven't seen an evaluator being sent to that place before."

Light was silent for a moment. "So B-san, you support that it's the hospital's fault for it's unethical practice—that they drove you became violent and to escape?"

"I couldn't just passively take their 'treatments' any longer. Wouldn't you have done something to change your fate, if you were in my situation? Humans can't deny other humans of anything, Light."

"That didn't mean you had to _kill_ them..."

"It was their fault that they were in between me and my freedom. They would have alerted the rest, and it would have been a rather complicated process, and I thought it was important to nip the problem in the bud. I had to survive somehow, Light. You understand that, don't you?" He exhaled, smoke pouring out of his mouth.

"I-" Light looked at him, then at his lap. "I wouldn't have exactly done the same thing, B-san, but... I suppose I understand where you're coming from."

"Just because I was a fucking alien to them—meant they had the liberty to do anything to me without regard for human rights. They wanted to turn me into a fucking _animal?_ -So I became one."

"It is rather... odd to say you don't belong to any country, B-san. Surely you do know-"

"I don't, Light."

Light looked at him sceptically as the man continued to smoke, taking all the plates to clean, washing his hands when he was done. Beyond had gone off and disappeared somewhere, presumably in the bedroom, and Light decided to watch some TV, but found himself rather distracted with what B had told him.

He felt horrible for the mental patients if the treatment Beyond mentioned was true. It wasn't a surprise to hear of a place that was still violating human rights. Perhaps, as a form of justification for Beyond's violent behaviour, he'd look into the situation personally when he would go to work the next day. Perhaps he could save several other patients before they turned out to be like _him_. He needed to inform his father, because the hospital had a possibility of keeping Beyond's records—who knew? Maybe they did extract the information from Beyond's brain and made him forget a thing like basic information about himself.

They could be withholding information on purpose to save their reputation—and the NPA could uncover more classified information about B. He'd go there, Light thought, and interview them, grill them about their methods, because a hospital was meant to be a place of healing and not _torture_.

Beyond, in the meanwhile, was staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He saw his name written in red glowing letters floating above his head, then looked at himself in the eye.

He was doing well, wasn't he?

He was also in love. Beyond _thought_ it was love. Light didn't believe him, but he'd wait it out.

He began to alter his appearance, taking a pair of scissors and a comb, and began to make his hair slightly shorter, so it didn't look as messy. He'd left the house the day before to purchase a set of items, including black contacts. He also got some make-up items to conceal the dark lines beneath his eyes, so his appearance didn't seem like the Beyond from before.

Beyond was beginning to look like a normal person when his eyes, face and hair were altered. No one would suspect he was B now.

If he spoke differently, acted differently, he could easily be another faceless person especially in a big city like this. No one would even suspect him of being who he was.

He took the clumps of hair and burnt all the evidence, and Light coming into the bathroom confused when he smelt an odd burning thing-

"B-san, you... changed your face." Light blinked, rather stunned.

"I know. It's convincing, isn't it?"

"Why would you do this?"

"What if your police officer friends drop in by chance and saw me here? I'm not that foolish, Light."

Light glared half-heartedly at him.

"You _burnt_ your hair? It stinks in here-" Light scrunched up his face adorably in disapproval, and opened the small window of the bathroom, using a cleaning spray to make the place smell better. He was about to leave, when Beyond's hand grasped his wrist.

"Come here, Light."

He was being pushed up against the bathroom counter, lifted up with Beyond in between his legs, Light struggling slightly in indignation.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked him gently, pressing a kiss over his thigh through the fabric of his shorts, Light's mouth open slightly in a gasp as he did something like that.

"A little bit..." Light looked at him warily. "Why? Do you plan on doing it again?"

"Yes." He said bluntly. "Right here with you on the counter."

Then Beyond was kissing him possessively, and Light had to clutch onto him to prevent himself from falling to the side and let out a gasp when he traced kisses down his neck and shoulders again, tugging the collar of his t-shirt down.

"Y-You're infuriating, you know that?"

"Am I?" Beyond asked him, giving him a mildly pleasant little grin, looking at him, unnerving him because his eyes weren't his usual red-

"Does Light miss my usual eyes?"

"No I don't—hahh-" He gasped as Beyond lifted his hips, and tugged off his shorts, leaving him naked below, trying to close his legs for at least a bit of decency, but Beyond was spreading them open.

He leered when he noticed a bit of the creamy white fluid dripping out of his little hole.

"Light is probably lying." He smirked, still eyeing in between his spread open thighs to that erotic sight.

"Light is still so _wet_ inside." His long fingers were scooping the fluid up, and rubbing gently against the somewhat reddened pucker, Light covering his mouth because it did still feel raw inside, sensitive to touch and hips jerking slightly as he tried to crawl away.

"Don't say that! I don't want this—"

"I'll make you want it."

He began to stroke Light to hardness, cupping and massaging his sensitive sac, and it felt so good Light was starting to pant. Beyond's face looking as though he wanted to please him and he was actually thinking of letting him, heat beginning to flood his lithe body. Fuck, Beyond was right, what he'd made him say last night...

He was turning into a dirty little _cumslut_.

"Light, lift up your shirt."

"Don't order me like that," he huffed, to which Beyond continued stroking his cock. When Light didn't comply, Beyond was lifting up his shirt just slightly so he could lean in and suck on the nubs, making the pink little nipples grow hard in his mouth.

God, it was too much. He was getting aroused beyond words watching him worship his body like that. Light knew that he was good-looking before, but to have someone pay so much attention, caressing each inch of skin and bruise that he left behind—it overwhelmed him, the idea of someone finding him so beautiful that he wanted to make love to him again after he'd already been soiled by the very same hands...

 _Make love_ was too wishy-washy of a phrase for this. He didn't know. Was a word like _fucking_ more appropriate? Plain sex?

He gasped when he pushed a finger inside, not bothering to cover his mouth because Beyond could see right through him, especially during heated moments like this. It was burying in deep to the knuckle, scissoring him open and it made Light whimper. He looked at Beyond in between his legs when he curled his fingers and raked against his spot which made him tense then relax, for it to dig in deeper.

"Hnnh-!"

"You like that, darling?"

"Stop calling me that—ahh, fuck-!" His cock twitched against his flat stomach, Beyond forcing in a third finger and rubbing and pushing into that spot buried inside till Light's cock drooled precum from the tip lewdly.

"Light is getting so wet." He was smirking, "It looks really vulgar and _hot_ from where I'm watching him."

God, more of him saying such _things_ to him again-!

His fingers vacated from his hole, slick with wetness, dripping out over his thighs and leaking onto the counter with it. Beyond was unzipping his pants, pulling his erect, thick member out, stroking it and hoisting Light's hips closer so his bottom was to the edge.

"Push it out, Light."

What-?

Light visibly flushed, shaking his head, "Don't ask me to do humiliating things like that!"

"Push it out onto my cock, Light, or I'll have to fuck you dry... but you're fucking soaked inside, aren't you?" He commented dirtily, smirking at him, "Come on, make it better for yourself, I want to _see_ it."

"Why do you have to do this to me?" He was mortified, because Beyond was staring at him hungrily and it unnerved him, and the thought of having him inside again-!

Beyond was lifting up his calves, pressing kisses over his toes and ankles like it was completely normal, smirking at him and not even answering, because Light knew the answer to his question. He rubbed the thick head of his cock against his wet little hole, sliding inside in a rather sloppy manner, making Light gasp and whimper when he decided to repeat that maddening, teasing motion over his tight entrance, in, and out—Gods, over and over again...

"Hnnn!" He was screaming.

"If you want me to do it properly, push it out." Beyond said, "Simple as that."

Light shook his head.

"Why are you so stubborn? Do you want me to use my fingers again?"

"N-No!"

"Then why is it so difficult for you to do as I say?"

Light pressed his foot against Beyond's chest in an attempt to kick him off, "Because you don't—AH!-own me, B-san!"

Beyond was taking his foot and kissing his toes gently, working his way over to his ankles. "You should just admit you turn into a slut when you're around me," he commented dirtily, pulling the thick head of his cock out, slipping his fingers in, and raking against his prostate in hard, insistent motions, Light's hips jerking slightly as he was forced to take it.

"Fuck—ah!" Beyond was toying with his body and his reactions, and Light didn't really _enjoy_ it—but his lusty little body on the other hand-

Beyond smirked. "I might not own you, Light. But I can still make you do what I want, can't I?"

Light was being rather stubborn. He was so fucking embarrassed, the fact he was telling him to push it out...

Like he was a _whore_.

But _fuck_ , he was feeling too good, and he wanted Beyond inside him again, filling him up, saying all those dirty things to him that made him feel so submissive— _unnatural_ things that shouldn't be turning him on.

He whined when Beyond didn't stop touching and hitting that sensitive ball of nerves inside. It went on for a few long minutes until Light couldn't stand it anymore, squirming against the counter.

"Hnn!...ah- fine, take it _out_..." He watched as Beyond practically salivated, grinning perversely at Light's compliance, because he'd been so stubborn just a couple of moments ago and so eager now, pulling his fingers out and grasping onto Light's slender hips.

He clutched onto Beyond's shoulder with one hand, his other hand shakily parting his cheeks, Beyond watching in lewd interest as his little pucker clenched in on itself, opening up and pushing out the semen from before, watching it drip out and leak onto his thick cock, as well as the bathroom floor because there was so much _inside_ of him.

Light gasped and flushed at the sensation of it dripping over his cheeks and thighs, even more so when Beyond wrapped his fist around his thick cock, coating his entire girth with the slick bodily fluid and began to push inside him slowly, his fingers digging even more into Beyond's shirt and flesh.

" _B-san,_ nng—don't fill me up so much," he muttered hazily, "It _hurts_... I can't walk properly later..."

Fuck, his words were stirring something in Beyond, something carnal and lusty, making him grip his thighs and push them open, pushing Light's body up against the mirror and jutting into him completely so he filled him up balls deep.

"AHH!" Light was clawing at him, and in this position against the counter he could see just how deep he was inside. "B-san! I _told_ you-"

"What's the matter? I should reward Light for being so obedient."

Beyond was pulsing hot, throbbing and spreading him wide, filling him deep with each constant thrust inside him, the pain slowly melting away and feeding him pleasure that made Light scream.

"You like me fucking you deep, don't you? You get so fucking turned on when I fuck you all the way," he growled dirtily into his ear, watching Light's embarrassed, wanton expression that told him volumes, whimpering at the sensation of being filled so much when he'd just plainly told him not to.

"You love me talking to you like you're a dirty whore, don't you?" Beyond continued, "-Making you this submissive. You actually get off on being fucking humiliated... like that's one of your secret, dirty little kinks. Maybe I should fuck you in public one day."

"-Then I could tie you down and fuck you hard."

Light's tight muscles clenched on him, then loosened, milking his pounding cock burying itself insistently into his body and barely even muffling his own screams as he was taken so roughly.

He whimpered when Beyond stopped thrusting, and pulled his thick cock out, only to pull him up and face the bathroom counter and the mirror as well, made his hands grab at the flat surface. Beyond's possessive hands were holding his hips up, forcing Light to stand as he began to fuck him in this manner.

His own lusty, needy reflection staring back at him—

Light had to look away.

"That's a nice needy face you're making, Light."

"S-Shut up, ahh!" His fingers clawed at the marble surface as Beyond continued to make him his, slamming him into the counter. All he could feel was pain and pleasure, and the humiliation when Beyond grasped at his face and made him look.

"That's only a face a dirty little cumslut would make. One who's in _denial_."

Fuck, why was he being so lewd?

Light coloured visibly when he realised he could hear his own gasps and screams, because fuck, he was being _loud_ , the wet squelching sounds of their hips smacking together, even more so when Beyond pointed it out.

"Listen to the pretty sounds you're making, Light." He grunted when he gripped his hips harder and pounded into him, into that spot rather insistently. "-You really love to please me, don't you? You can't stop yourself from screaming even if you could. It's like you want _everyone_ to hear it."

God, he really couldn't take it. Light was made to look at himself in the mirror, his lusty, open-mouthed flushed face staring back at him, being jutted forward each time nearing his completion already so soon.

"B-san, ahh-! I'm gonna cum, _please_ -"

"Good boy, telling me you're going to cum like you're asking for my permission." Beyond was smirking at him, slamming into his prostate till he couldn't handle it anymore.

Light snapped and screamed prettily as he released, whimpering as his legs went weak and Beyond continued to take him from behind, the man snarling and growling into his ear with hunger like a beast, the only thing holding him in place was his hands on his slender hips.

"I'm _breeding_ you like you deserve it," he muttered dirtily, "I'm making you _scream_ like a naughty slut. You hear me, Light? If you were a fucking woman I would have sowed my seed deep inside you and gotten you fucking _pregnant_."

Light gasped at the horrible, lewd, _insane_ insinuation, whimpering and hiding his face so he wouldn't see himself actually liking his lewd words as Beyond continued to use his body. God, he _couldn't_ say that, it shouldn't have been making him flush so hard. Light's legs were still boneless beneath him, the man hitching his hips hard a couple more times and buried himself deeply, cumming inside him so much it dripped out of him and down his thighs.

B had made him so fucking dirty and wet inside that he needed to be cleaned up once more.

Beyond pulled out, making him sit on the edge of the counter again, catching his breath and watching as he took a glass beside the sink and spread open Light's thighs once more.

"Go on, Light, push it out again. I'm letting you clean it out."

He gasped feeling his fingers probe his soaked, loosened hole, reddened and raw from being fucked so roughly. Beyond's long fingers were scooping some of it out, and much of it Light had to clench and unclench his muscles to get it out, Beyond staring at the lewd sight as he filled the cup with copious amounts of his warm sperm.

The man seemed so satisfied with himself, staring and leering dirtily at Light at the cute little sounds he made to clean himself out, watching Light's curling toes before he was finally done.

"Look, that's how much you've been having inside you."

Light flushed horribly at the milky contents of the cup, gathering himself up on his shaky legs and wiped himself off without any other comments. He tugged his shorts back on, giving him a rather nice view of his body when he bent down slightly.

He went to the living room, lying down on the couch exhausted and fast asleep before Beyond had anything else to do or say to him.

Light stirred, however, a few hours later from his nap with his head in Beyond's lap when he heard the doorbell ringing.

He wasn't expecting anyone, so it was rather odd. He got up and yawned, glancing at Beyond for a moment before checking who it was through the peep hole. He cursed when he realised it was Matsuda and Aizawa, both waiting there expectantly, as though sure Light would open up.

"B-san, my colleagues have come to visit."

"There, wasn't I right? Open for them."

He was about to ask whether it was fine to do that, but Beyond was in that rather convincing disguise, one that his sleepy brain had forgot to register. The man actually looked completely normal despite Light concerns. He opened the door, smiling and greeting his friends before letting them inside.

"Chief told us you were sick, so we brought you some get-well gifts," Aizawa said, taking off his shoes and greeting Light, handing him a fruit basket and a book. "Matsuda thought it would be nice to get you the latest book from your favourite author."

"Yeah, Light-kun! How are you feeling?" Matsuda asked brightly, taking off his shoes too and entering the living room, the both of them stopping in their steps when they saw a figure lounging about on the couch, smoking. Beyond turned his head around to look, giving them a completely normal smile.

"Uh... Light-kun, who's that?" Matsuda asked, blinking at him.

"That's—um, Rue-san," Light said quickly, showing them in and letting them sit as Beyond put out his cigarette.

"I didn't know Light-kun had a friend living with him!"

"No, I'm his boyfriend actually." Beyond made his voice slightly deeper, unrecognisable from the interview clips that the detectives had watched before.

_What?_

There was a moment of stunned silence as Aizawa and Matsuda took in the information.

Light flushed slightly, laughing it off mildly, "I'm sorry, Rue-san shouldn't be joking around about things like that."

"I'll make some drinks for your friends, Light." Beyond smiled and spoke to him in perfectly normal English, and Light nodded, then left them to go to the kitchen, putting up a perfectly normal façade that they seemed to believe.

They didn't even _suspect_ 'Rue-san' was B, or that there was anything amiss with him.

Aizawa noticed his flush, something rather uncharacteristic about it which meant Light was trying to cover something up. "It's true, then? Well, we assumed you had a girlfriend, but—it's not like we're discriminating against your choice or anything," the man spoke rather candidly, but in a friendly, amiable manner.

"Yeah, we all thought the way Light-kun acted during lunch yesterday was pretty weird, he was on the phone for quite a while, like he was hiding something," Matsuda said, giving him a happy little grin. "I'm happy for you, Light-kun. We thought you would be lonely after breaking up with Misa Misa, but wow, Light-kun is dating a _foreigner_..."

Light was getting embarrassed. "Please don't tell my father about this," he said apologetically. "I'm not sure how he'll react."

"I understand, Light-kun!"

Fuck, there was no way right now he could slip information to them because Beyond was watching and listening from the kitchen. He could tell them to search about information about Wammy's House, perhaps write down somewhere, but that was plenty obvious and Beyond could possibly stop him. Maybe he could send them a text, because it was classified information and give them later under the pretence of not letting Beyond hear.

But then again, what as the purpose of him even letting them know? Wouldn't they get _suspicious_ as to the origin of him getting such information? It would be attracting unnecessary attention.

Beyond returned with warm tea, which actually looked normal and perfectly safe to drink. Light had been somewhat suspicious of letting him make drinks for his colleagues, but it seemed his suspicion was unnecessary, because Beyond was playing his normal 'boyfriend' role perfectly well.

God, that thought was _infuriating_ him. Why did he have to introduce himself as that?

"Thank you, Rue-san!" Matsuda said, smiling at the man politely, looking back at Light. "Hey, how did you two meet? Aren't you going to tell me?"

"Well, I-"

"We met on the Internet, didn't we?" Beyond spoke for him, taking their attention away from Light and to him, "I came here all the way for him."

"Wow, really? That's pretty romantic, huh? You speak pretty good Japanese, too!"

"That's because Light is a pretty good teacher." He leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth, a hand rubbing Light's knee gently, leaning forward to get a cigarette from the coffee table and lit it, lounging about distracting himself with TV and smoking rather casually, noticing the discomfort from Light over the attention on him, as well as his friend named Aizawa.

Matsuda seemed somewhat clueless, finishing his tea before standing up.

"I think we better go, Aizawa-san. I forgot I have to buy groceries for my mother-" Matsuda grinned and smiled apologetically, "Take care of yourself, Light-kun! Rue-san, you too! Take care of Light-kun for me too, yeah?"

They put on their shoes, and left, Light thanking them for their gifts and concern. Light closed the door, sighing and looking at him.

"It was unnecessary to tell them you were my boyfriend, B-san," he muttered, somewhat defeated.

"They seemed perfectly fine with it."

"-But you know how it is, my father will somehow wind up hearing about this..."

"You don't trust your friends, Light?" Beyond laughed, "Light, you're a grown man, what your father thinks about your choices are frankly none of his business."

"This... isn't necessarily a choice, B-san."

"Come on, stop that. We've been through this before."

Beyond stood up, and approached Light, cupping his face and kissed his mouth. Light returning the kiss because he actually liked his caresses, sighing and clutching onto his arms when he pulled away.

"Shall we go out together?" Beyond asked him finally.

"What do you plan on doing?"

"Well—just wanted to buy you a meal. Anywhere you like."

Light laughed slightly, looking at Beyond as though he was pulling his leg.

"So is that a yes, then?"

"Sure, B-san."

"You know what? You've been so compliant to me-"

"Shut up." Light huffed, going to the bedroom and closing the door to change his clothes, combing his hair and making sure that his appearance was impeccable. He pocketed his things and put on his watch, put his socks and shoes on, Beyond doing the same and they walked down the stairs to get to his car in the parking lot.

"Come on, Light, give me the keys," Beyond said.

"What? No, I'm not letting you drive."

"Why not?"

"In case you've forgotten, you're the one who kept on stealing cars, nearly made me crash yesterday, sped past red lights, and you even drove one off a cliff," Light responded, getting into the driver's seat, "In other words, you're _not_ getting my permission to drive my car. It's suicide."

Beyond simply laughed and complied, getting into the passenger seat instead, because he found Light rather endearing when he tried to be bossy. He put on the seatbelt, watching him rev the engine, radio and heater, before pulling away from the car park and driving towards some place to eat. Beyond really wasn't all that curious about such an inconsequential detail.

"Why did you use the name Rue for me?"

"That's the name of the detective in the novel Matsuda bought for me. His name is Rue Ryuuzaki."

"Is that so? How interesting. The character's first and last name starts with the same letter like mine too. You weren't concerned that they would realise something like that? They're detectives like you too."

"Matsuda wouldn't even notice unless I pointed it out," Light said non-committally.

"Yes, but he was observant enough to get you the book from the author you liked," Beyond said, rolling down the window on his side, lighting up a cigarette so his hands and mouth had something to do, "I'm beginning to suspect he has— _feelings_ for you. An ordinary person, especially a man like that isn't normally observant, unless he wants your attention."

Light chuckled and shook his head. "What are you talking about, B-san?"

"It's just a crush, though. Admiration for you, perhaps. How long have you been friends with him?"

"Well, I knew he was working under my father since I was 17, when I first volunteered to help them on a case. I never really considered him a friend back then."

"You don't really consider anyone your friend, do you, Light?" Beyond exhaled slowly out of the window, "I know what sort of person you are. You cut yourself off emotionally from a lot of people around you, because you feel they're beneath you."

Light glanced at him, frowning slightly before pulling in to the car park behind the restaurant. "...That's a rather cruel assumption to make. I—do love my family."

They got out of the car together, Beyond taking a last couple drags of the cigarette before flinging it to the ground and stepping on it, walking through the door with Light. The waiter showed them to a table for two, and looked at Beyond oddly when he tucked his legs to his chest and picked up the menu.

He looked at all the desserts first, ordering the sweet cakes and a strawberry milkshake. Light ordered a steak and a side dish, watching the waiter walk away.

Beyond picked up a sugar cube and crunched on it instead, licking his fingers, Light somewhat startled at the sight.

"You're drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, B-san."

"I told you, it doesn't bother me," Beyond said offhandedly, "There's no detectives here, or cameras, I'm sure of that fact. Besides, we were talking about you."

"What is it?"

"You love yourself more than you love anyone else. Wait—that's actually perfectly normal, but you're rather vain, aren't you? No, you love yourself so much that it's bordering on arrogance."

Light frowned.

"I'm perfectly alright with your ego, Light. At least it's something interesting."

"As if you don't have an ego of your own..."

"Does that make us even more similar, Light? I myself am not sure if I consider anyone my friend." He crunched on another sugar cube, which made Light wince slightly, because his oral fixation was rather extreme, wasn't it? "Light is a special case, though."

"Stop that." Light was getting somewhat annoyed, "You've said that so many times."

"I know." _Crunch, crunch._

Their food came after a short wait, chocolate, strawberry and tiramisu cakes making the table top full, as well as the steak for Light. He noticed that people were staring. He should have expected it, really, but it still made him somewhat uncomfortable. He put on a perfectly calm façade, cutting his steak neatly into squares and chewing his food properly, savouring his meal. He glanced across the table and saw Beyond digging into his cakes, cramming each sweet forkful into his mouth in a manner which could make any normal person slightly sick.

"Why did you order so many sweet things, B-san? It's...rather disturbing."

"I felt like indulging myself."

"That's... overindulging, though."

"What if I die tomorrow, Light?" He was licking his fork free of the strawberry cream, "Would I have any more chances to eat anything I want? I don't believe they'll feed me anything in Hell. It'll just be like that hospital again."

Light didn't know what to say about that.

"B-san, you're ridiculous, aren't you? You won't die."

"You sure?"

"...You told me I was the reason you'd remain alive, didn't you?"

"Yes, Light." Beyond offered him a perfectly normal smile, though his eyes looked at the corner of his eye because he kept on feeling as though someone was looking at him. Staring at him so much they were boring a hole in the back of his skull, and it was starting to agitate him.

There was someone, a man in his forties, sitting alone in the corner nursing just a glass of water, but he wasn't staring at Beyond.

He was staring at _Light_.

Beyond's eyes could still see people's names and death dates floating above their heads even under the black contacts he wore. The man's name was Matsumoto Yasu.

He drank his milkshake and studied the man rather discreetly. He had balding hair, looked rather greasy, somewhat overweight, black beady eyes behind glasses and was twitchy, licking his lips as he watched Light from the corner of his eye. Fuck, that man was staring at Light's every movement obsessively, even the way Light tucked his hair behind his ear, lifted his glass, chewed on his food-

The man was _attracted_ to Light.

That was obvious.

Beyond wanted to _kill_ that man. His impulse was growing stronger. His jealousy was crashing over him in waves. His fingers tightened around his fork, and when Light looked at him, he gave a perfectly normal smile and finished off his cakes.

No one had the right to stare at Light. No one but Beyond.

Beyond took out his cigarettes and lighter, placing them on the table, waiting for Light to finish. He made himself touch Light's fingers on purpose. Light seemed rather embarrassed and admonished Beyond gently for it, pulling his hand away, and when he looked back, that man was still looking.

_Leering._

_Raping_ him with his eyes.

What the fuck was his problem? Why was he fucking staring at Light like he wanted to eat him with his eyes, fucking molesting Light's face and body, licking his disgusting mouth and fidgeting, drumming his fat fingers against the table top, adjusting his fucking trousers like he was getting _aroused_ —

And why wasn't Light _noticing_ this?

But Light already knew he was good-looking, so perhaps he learnt to tune the unwanted attention out.

That didn't give that man the right to _fucking_ -

Beyond was seething beneath his calm exterior. He put his legs down, accidentally brushing his knee against Light, finishing his milkshake and wiping his mouth with a paper napkin. Light was had only just finished his food, and was now sipping on his coffee in a polite manner, like a pampered, spoiled, gorgeous prince. His movements were really elegant, and Beyond himself was admiring him.

What he didn't like was another person that wasn't _him_ admiring Light.

"That was good," Light said rather contentedly.

"Yeah."

He watched as the man crawled out of his seat and approached them, talking to Beyond first.

The man was holding an unlit cigarette, and his black beady eyes kept glancing at Light. Beyond absolutely hated it.

"Hey, man, could I borrow your lighter?"

"Sure."

He watched the man's greasy hand reach to grab his lighter, and in that split second, Beyond was picking up the fork and stabbing his hand down, slamming it into the table top, the man yelping in pain as blood dripped out of the wound, looking at his shaking hand with the fork sticking out of it and then at Beyond incredulously.

Beyond picked up his cigarettes and lighter before the blood dirtied them, pocketing them and standing up calmly. He fished out the bill from his wallet, and put it on the table, Light watching in stunned silence as he stood up too, following him as he walked out and away from the commotion and chaos of the restaurant patrons and waitresses panicking at the display of violence.

"B-san!"

Beyond only walked to the car park faster.

" _B-san!_ What did you do _that_ for?"

Beyond's fingers were trembling because he had held back, he really had, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He took a deep drag feeling the smoke sting his lungs.

"B-san!" Light grabbed his wrist, frowning and pushed the larger man against his car. "Fucking _explain_ yourself to me right now!"

Light glared heatedly.

"-You don't just stab someone's fucking hand in a restaurant as and when you like!"

"That man was staring at you, Light."

Light was shocked. "What?"

"It was like I could hear his thoughts, Light. Do you want to hear what he thought about you the entire time?"

Light was silent.

"He was looking at you tucking your hair behind your ear, smiling and blushing and looking at me all prettily, he wanted to be the one you _looked_ at like that-"

"B-san..." His eyes widened.

"He wanted to be the one to pin you down in bed, _fuck_ your tight little ass raw-"

"B-san! Stop that right now!" Light hissed. He was getting infuriated and annoyed and _embarrassed_.

"Make you suck his cock, whip you when you disobeyed, make you _scream_ -"

"Shut up!" Light yelled at him. "I fucking get it! You're _that_ fucking possessive of me, I get it! But that doesn't give you the fucking right to hurt anyone as you wish, you hear me?"

"What did you want me to do, huh? Just sit there and let someone stare at you like that?"

"I didn't even notice it!"

"But I did, alright? And I gave that bastard what he deserved."

"You thought he _deserved_ that?" Light was getting agitated.

"For all you know, he might just very well be planning to take you away from me and fucking rape you," Beyond said, trying his best not to reciprocate Light's anger.

"I'm a fucking full grown man, I'm a fucking _police officer_ , I can take care of myself! God, B-san, what happened to your common sense?"

"Stop getting mad at me, alright? Fucking drive us home already." Beyond tossed the finished cigarette to the ground, impatient.

Light was getting close to tears. That had happened because of _him_. "I thought you said I could _change_ you, B-san!"

When Beyond didn't respond, he went to the driver's seat and put on his seatbelt, and Beyond climbed in to the passenger seat, glancing at Light.

"Come on, now. I'm sorry."

"You're unstable, B-san. You shouldn't even be allowed to go out with me if you keep this up. I don't really need your protection from... bad people. _You_ , of all people."

Light began to drive, heading back home, rather disturbed by Beyond's sudden violent behaviour. He had been so calm, but then he had stabbed that man's hand with a fork rather unflinchingly, like it was nature for him to react like that.

That was unacceptable.

They were at a red light, and Beyond watched him fiddle with the radio dial, so he grasped his cheek and stroked his face gently.

"You know I only meant good for you."

"...Yeah." Light was reluctant.

"I can't change overnight."

Light nodded warily, wondering where Beyond was heading with this conversation.

"Please don't give up on me, Light."

Light didn't speak, pulling away from the grasp on his face when the light turned green.

"Fine," he spoke calmly after a long moment.

Beyond noticed that Light was doubting him. "I'm sorry, you know that. I love you, Light."

 _Loved_ him?

He'd said it so many times, but Light couldn't understand it. Did Beyond himself even understand that concept? Throwing around that word like it was so _cheap_.

Light didn't even _know_ anymore.


	6. Lotus Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic detail of murder.

Slightly more than a month had passed since Yagami Light had begun harbouring a criminal in his own home.

Light was living a double life, going to work as a completely ordinary detective for the NPA, and going back home to a dangerous man who shared a similar intellect, a man who was odd, eccentric and a chain-smoker, with a penchant for over-indulging in sweet food. And violence. These were not really such desirable traits, and yet, Beyond was interesting enough to him that they kept on maintaining the strange emotional and sexual relationship with each other.

Every day and night with Beyond was _different_ than the life he lived before. Light had been bored with the monotony of the life he had lived, uninteresting people and going-ons. He thought he'd remain that way forever, until the chance meeting with Beyond that first night in the bar where they met.

Light was more _alive_ compared to just thirty-six days earlier, because he'd found his drive to do as best as he could, and this was attributed to Beyond. Beyond kept on making him think in even more further depth, constantly testing and taunting his logic which did drive him rather mad sometimes, but it was making him a better thinker. A better person too, in a way.

It was unnerving to think that a man who had committed horrible crimes before was making him a better man, but Light learned to look past it.

It was... _thrilling,_ even. Harbouring Beyond.

Light wasn't even the sort of man to seek thrills, but he had learned to look past that.

He was completely ordinary in appearances, so no one would ever suspect that he was hiding someone like B. Beyond's disguises were rather useful as well.

Light was also still relatively young in comparison to his colleagues, but he was intelligent and had progressed quickly in the NPA. He had helped to solve so many cases since the tender age of seventeen—so much so that his superiors thought that Light had to slow down and thus the difficult cases which attracted his interest were delegated to the other detectives who had more experience than him.

They had—in nicer words—accused him of not exactly becoming a team player. But it wasn't as though Light could help it. His capability of deduction alone could surpass the team of detectives with years of experience, a fact that he found rather aggravating because they didn't _appreciate_ it.

Light had been taken off the 'Backup' case, a fact he didn't know if he should be glad about, given his current situation living with the main suspect (and the admitted murderer) in secret.

This had all happened after Light had gone to the mental institute several times in secret, going undercover without prior notice to the investigative team and putting his life needlessly in danger. No one had taken him seriously when he accused the mental hospital of unethical practice, of violating human rights, because they felt it was irrelevant to the case. Light had forcibly gained a lot of strong evidence of mistreatment of several other patients along with Beyond in a matter of days, proving to the Chief and Deputy Director that B's violence had been triggered by the questionable treatment methods.

His paperwork took him two tedious days to complete.

But what did that mean for the B case? That the man they were hunting down, B, _wasn't_ to be blamed for it?

But murders were still _murders_ , no matter the cause that triggered it. There had apparently been no sympathy in the way Beyond killed, when he asked for their explanation. Which was funny, because Beyond hadn't even been caught and interviewed yet, so they couldn't see whether the man had been remorseful or not.

Then again, it wasn't like Beyond had actually _become_ a serial killer. At least, not yet. Light never saw him planning to kill anyone, but he did see his violent tendencies rear their ugly head occasionally.

Of course, that news that the mental institution and all its branches and businesses would be forced to close, and the big shot businessmen responsible behind it would have justice served to them. Some had even accused the government of hiding such inhumane projects. Some were labelling it a conspiracy theory because no one saw what happened to the patients afterwards. Where did they go? Many fingers were being pointed at the big shots, at politicians and wealthy doctors and surgeons who had funding associations with the corporation.

It was an extreme case of infringing human rights, and the media was having a field day with the news because it had occurred within the context of a first world big city. Everyone knew about it. It was splashed over the front page of newspapers, broadcast on news channels locally and internationally for several weeks until it died down.

It was a highly commendable job on Light's part because he had basically been a one-man team uncovering and solving a huge case which had actually stemmed from the B case. There hadn't been any credit given to him because Light had refused. He had received a warning letter from his superiors for his rash actions, and called up to the Deputy Director's office and told he would be transferred to a different case instead, related to a recent spate of organised crime syndicates.

And his superior had mentioned that it was a miracle that he hadn't been fired or killed for his devotion to his job.

It was as though he thought Light needed to be _humbled_ for actually doing the right thing. It wasn't his fault people were so inattentive, and that he was so intelligent that he couldn't miss certain things which were obvious to him, but not to ordinary people.

He had complained to Beyond for that, rather infuriated at being assigned a mediocre case _again_ , and the man had simply laughed.

Light didn't even bother making sure the B case got a closure, or made any effort to know what was going on from Matsuda or his other colleagues. He hoped it ran its course, that they wouldn't find any new leads or evidences and that it became a fucking cold case.

Despite all that had happened in his work situation, he was rather content.

He had served _justice_ , and his father had praised him highly for it, even if he didn't like the idea of Light risking his life for anything. He was his father, after all, and protective over him.

And he had told Beyond about everything he'd done about the institution even though it had been on the news. Beyond had grown quiet and let him talk, and then had smiled kindly at him.

Light had believed that this would change the man for the better. He was an optimistic person, an idealist, almost to a fault.

There was something new and refreshing about Beyond's frank perspectives that he offered, despite his violent tendencies. It was rather interesting to Light. The red-eyed man seemed to have calmed down after the horrendous incident in the restaurant the few weeks before.

Right then, with all that had transpired recently, it seemed very much plausible that Beyond could change for Light. They had countless interesting conversations which they shared, discussions over Light's work, over absolutely anything that interested them at the point in time.

Light recalled getting into a rather heated debate with him over a plot twist in one of Light's favourite mystery novels. They did completely ordinary things like that during the time they were together, as though they were close friends.

But close friends didn't exactly shut one another up by kissing heatedly. Beyond had wound up pinning Light against the couch and made love to him roughly until they got exhausted.

And the _other_ things they did together in bed, or bath—or anywhere they could within the house were extremely sexually gratifying for Light, because Beyond was such a generous lover to him and liked to constantly tease him, so the spit-spark of fire and desire in Light's eyes never dulled. He hadn't even been interested in sex before, almost being a prude about the matter, but he seemed to be constantly rendered wanton and lusty under Beyond's ministrations. He brought it all out from him. It was, quite simply, Beyond's fault.

Light never meant for the sex to be a constant thing, but Beyond's advances were so hot and he made him submit every time that it was easier to just let him caress, touch and fuck his needy body. His lewd, dirty words got to him so much that he almost couldn't stand it. It always got him flushed and embarrassed because Beyond seemed to never run out of crude things to say to him, or _do_ to him. It never failed to bring out the most erotic, debauched reactions from Light, and no matter how much his body _ached_ afterwards, he always seemed to want more.

God, he was _trusting_ this man enough to let him make love to him and not hurt him, and he had lowered his personal barriers around the man so much that Beyond memorised every single response Light's body developed to each of his constant kisses, licks and touches.

Beyond kept his body drained of energy each time, in a manner of a vampire, sucking it out of him with his seemingly unending sexual appetite, which was somewhat startling coming from that scrawny body, Light decided.

And all of this meant Light wasn't really that bored any more. He was being constantly stimulated with his mind and body, and although he was now constantly tired out with Beyond's energy, he was starting to adapt to such an _unpredictable_ routine. Beyond had taught him the true meaning of spontaneity.

In Light's eyes, Beyond was just a person of wild character who seemed not to sincerely care of what anyone thought of him. His attitude towards things was making him overlook that Beyond had... killed people before, which was a rather dangerous thing. But he'd told him and promised he never would hurt him, and he was starting to believe him.

Beyond's crazed tendencies seemed to start stabilising and he was turning somewhat normal, even if he did maintain his quirks. It made Light feel accomplished. Beyond hadn't hurt anyone recently. It was _his doing_.

Matsuda and Aizawa who knew about the presence of 'Rue-san', didn't ask questions about the man while at work, and even if they did, it was in private when no one was listening. They understood that Light wouldn't want anyone, especially his father, to know of his relationship with a foreign man, because it was still somewhat taboo, especially in such a conservative environment. No one needed to know. Light wasn't the type of person to talk about inane things like personal relationships, because they were personal for a reason.

And as far as his father, mother and sister knew, Light had a 'secret woman' that he wasn't ready to tell anyone about.

He didn't mind the sentiment, but he really didn't care. He would let them think whatever they wanted. He would do nothing about it, and that was it.

Light was suddenly stirring in bed. He looked at the watch sleepily, and realised it was 3.46 am. It was early Friday morning, and he didn't have work because each Friday and Saturday was his usual off-days from work. He rubbed his eyes, feeling a heavy urge in his bladder, and standing to start to the bathroom…before he noticed something rather strange.

Beyond wasn't beside him as usual.

He got up after realising that fact and went to relieve himself first in the bathroom, flushing the toilet and washing his hands. He turned on the lights in the living room, realising that Beyond was really nowhere in sight, not even the next room which was his study, checking the balcony too in case he had just been smoking there, but to no avail.

The man had disappeared.

His DNA was all over him, though. Buried deep i _nside_ him, inside his stomach because he had been sucking him off when B had requested it of him. Beyond's scent was on his skin, because they'd had sex around 9.30 pm that night before Light promptly fell asleep after multiple orgasms, exhausted.

Beyond didn't even have a cellphone on him. He refused to have one, and Light was getting somewhat worried now because he hadn't even realised that Beyond could have been disappearing during times when he had been dead asleep. The man barely slept too, and when he didn't have his disguise on, his usual wide red eyes and dark circles were plenty proof to how little he actually slept, a habit of his Light hadn't successfully broken yet.

Light sat on the couch, staring at the TV as he turned it on, legs pressed up against his chest like Beyond usually sat, but not noticing it because he was tired. He was still taken off-guard by Beyond not being there.

Beyond however, at that very moment, was indeed roaming the city streets outside alone.

He had his black contacts on, and when he had been tired of walking, he sat in his usual crouch on a bench beside two young women, who stared at him and walked away when he grinned eerily at them, taking out his fresh pack of cigarettes and began to chain smoke.

He was watching people come and go. Looking at their names and death dates, and time of death, figuring out the jumbled numbers instantly because he had figured out a system which he could read it in its right order.

Beyond wanted to see who would die tonight.

He saw a police officer by the name of Tatsuha Eiri walking past him, watching the numbers with interest. He was going to die tomorrow, but he wasn't about to use him for his purpose because police officers dying in brutal manners tended to attract the worst sort of hunt-down from the authorities. Beyond knew this.

Beyond didn't want Light to know, either. He wanted Light to believe that he being there for him was _enough_ to stem the flow of his bloody desires and thoughts, when it wasn't. As cold as a man like Beyond could be, he knew he couldn't have him hurt any more.

It wasn't enough for Beyond to release his frustration with sex, and he couldn't possibly make Light do anything else against his will, because he would retaliate. It was possible he could snap and turn him to the police, and that was rather complicated.

And be damned with the 'dark secret' he was hiding—the main reason why, and how Light could arrest such a man who had seemed to disappear into thin air. Light had no qualms revealing his dirty little secrets if he was pushed to, in the name of his justice, Beyond was sure.

That was... very dangerous.

That was why he used the time when Light was fast asleep and looked so innocent, in order not to bother him with his _other_ needs.

It was pure animal instinct ingrained in him to want to do something extreme. The man had spent years in the mental institution with his brain soaked with drugs and altered with murderous intent and severe dissatisfaction which had stemmed from his strong desire of wanting to escape, and now that he was already out, free for slightly more than a month, he hadn't shaken off that particular desire yet. No matter how much Light liked to believe otherwise.

He had killed three people the night he escaped, and if he hadn't found it a hassle to clean himself up afterwards, if the blood didn't splatter on him and trigger his disgust for dirty red fluids, he would have killed more. Beyond wanted to hurt them horribly and send them to Hell for turning him into such a disgusting creature that couldn't be _normal_ anymore.

Which was why it made him still somewhat happy that Light had brought the institution down with hard evidence that they were mistreating patients and using alternative, experimental treatments that wasn't even tested to work yet.

It would have made him much more happier if he could have taken the surgeons that had strapped him down like he was fucking _Hannibal Lecter_ and attempted to brainwash his genius mind- and killed them with his bare hands.

Beyond hadn't dealt with rejection well the time when they first got acquainted with each other. When Light punched him in retaliation, that had triggered a flood of murderous rage, and he had choked and nearly killed the younger man when he hadn't meant to. It was an involuntary reflex on his part.

When Beyond saw the stranger stare at Light with obvious hunger for his partner and approached him, the way he retaliated was through more violence. It had been gratifying for him to stab the man's hand and release his pent up desire for hurting someone. He was lucky he recalled _where_ and _who_ he was with, or that desire would have overpowered him and he would have killed that man with his bare hands in that restaurant.

And it would be all over Light. He knew Light thought it was _his_ fault that man got stabbed by Beyond.

Light was too idealistic and innocent for his own good. It would be the death of Beyond.

How could he even _hurt_ someone like him, even with all the implications that surrounded their relationship?

Someone like Beyond was self-conscious enough to not to show his true murderous intent. Because Light had power too, damn it, he was still very cunning and intelligent, no matter how much he submitted to him during sex each time.

Sex was _sex_ , and this was a completely different thing. Beyond finished his cigarette, and coughed a little, feeling his lungs constrict because he had been smoking too much but he didn't care.

And there he was.

The perfect boy for the night. His name was Koji Ito, and his death date marked that day, and he had just about three hours left to live.

Which was _perfect_. The boy couldn't have been more than nineteen, though. He seemed to have a whole life ahead of him, but the numbers above his head said otherwise. To a normal, rational person, that would seem rather sad and subduing, but Beyond was seeing it as an opportunity to sate his bloody desire.

A minuscule part of him told him to stifle his desire for slightly longer, but he couldn't do that forever. Beyond was so fucked up and he had to accept that of himself, or he would never be at peace.

He got up from the bench from his crouch and started to tail the boy. Koji Ito was walking back home apparently, and he saw the time of the boy's death fluctuating, which meant that would be Beyond's fault.

He was _meant_ to be Beyond's victim. That had happened before, of course, with his three previous victims as he recalled.

It was more or less about to be four a.m. in the morning, so that meant there was no one around in the area when he followed him discreetly into the alley. The boy was listening to his music so he didn't notice a suspicious, tall skinny man with a bad posture following him.

An _alley_ , for goodness' sakes. Beyond almost laughed at the perfection. He took the leather gloves he had bought, stuffed in his coat, putting them on ceremoniously.

It was such a perfect place to kill. It was dark, and there was no one around, so Beyond quickened his pace in fast, easy strides, tapping the boy on his shoulder. He looked at him, startled, removing his earphones and spoke.

"Yeah? What do you want?"

Beyond smiled, taking a step too close and invading the boy's personal space.

"Nothing, kid, just that you're going to die soon."

The boy's eyes widened with a strange mix of anger, apprehensiveness and fear, backing away from Beyond.

"The fuck you think you are, man, talking shit like that, don't try to _scare_ me-"

He was about to break into a run, because the boy surely thought he was a mugger or a murderer which wasn't that far from the truth. Beyond reacted quickly and hungrily, easily grabbing his smaller form and practically flinging him against the wall and the resounding crack of the boy's skull against the brick.

"It's not my fault I scare you, Ito-kun. I was unfortunate enough to be born as such. Calm down and be a good boy." And for dramatic effect, Beyond kept him pinned by his neck in a choke hold, reaching to remove one of the black contacts, revealing a bright red iris. It was rather startling and frightening to see a person's actual eye colour be red, _crimson_ like a demon, and Beyond knew that fact, and he used it to his advantage to scare the boy to death.

Beyond made his lips curve upwards in a cruel smirk.

The boy screamed, and he pressed a gloved finger against the boy's mouth to which he whimpered out of fear. God, he thought, he was even more submissive than he thought he would be. There wasn't too much thrill in that.

He took a handkerchief from his pocket, stuffed it into his mouth so he wouldn't scream before he had a chance to bite back, watching the tears stream down the boy's face in fear and anger at being overpowered.

Beyond was taking off the boy's clothes, which made his eyes widen and he trembled, trying to shake him off—anything, undressing him and tossing each article of clothing into a pile in a corner. He must have thought Beyond intended to rape him, because he was whimpering, but the sound wasn't sweet like he remembered Light's being.

In fact, it nearly sickened him.

He made him slide to the ground, tearing out the sleeve of the boy's bomber jacket and tied his hands behind his back, stepping onto his wrist so he didn't get up and run away so easily. Beyond smirked, not saying a thing.

Beyond proceeded to take off his coat, black t-shirt, as well as his pants, peeling off his socks and shoes, leaving himself in just his underwear and the gloves, tossing them onto the ground in a corner where it wouldn't stain. He was careful and methodical because he wanted to leave no traces. The boy was trembling, scared out of his wits, watching him frightened. Beyond gave him a cruel smirk that didn't seem like it belonged to a human.

He stepped harder with his bare foot onto his wrist when he decided to try to spit the handkerchief out of his mouth, the sound of his cries muffling and heard a sick crunching sound.

Beyond's eyes stared hungrily, and he reached swiftly for the 7-inch double edged knife he had hidden, strapped to his calf, blinded and overwhelmed with blood lust. He breathed heavily, the desire to kill exploding in his veins as he stabbed him down his jugular, all the way down his shoulder, chest and stomach, feeling and hearing the sick sound of muscle and bone tearing, and blood pour out onto his gloved hands and spurt onto his naked chest and face, dirtying him.

The light was going out of the boy's eyes, his muscles growing lax and he lying in a pool of his own blood, motionless.

He had carved the boy's body in a long, bloody 'I', which actually meant nothing in particular. But when he stepped back to admire his bloody handiwork, he realised that if he was killing out of his own selfish desire, he might as well make it a memorable one. He extended the blade and carved the extension from the base of the letter I which made it into an L instead.

L, the initial of his big brother's first name.

L could also stand for _Light_ , he thought, smiling to himself. Raito was how they pronounced his name, but if his name was written in English, it would start with an 'L'.

Beyond could go on with all the possibilities of the causes of this murder from an outsider's point of view, even if he himself knew there wasn't any motive, except to _kill_. Oh, the police would have a tough time finding the cause of murder, alright.

This, he thought, staring at the dead body, was an excellent murder. Beyond untied the boy's hands, using the cloth of the sleeve to wipe off his blade, tucking it back against his ankle beneath the strap. He took the boy's clothes and dressed him almost lovingly, putting his pants and redoing his belt, putting on his shirt and the remains of the bomber jacket and watched the blood soak through the cloth.

Beyond was dirty now. He took the black t-shirt he had tossed, looking down at himself, wiping every bit of visible blood from his body and face. He peeled off the bloody gloves and his bloodstained underwear, before redressing without a shirt beneath his coat, since it buttoned up enough to seem he was wearing something inside. He put on his still clean socks and shoes and pants. He picked the gloves, bloody shirt and the torn sleeve, tossing them into a bin and lighting them on fire.

His job was done. Beyond walked out of the alley, tucking his hands into his pockets. When he passed a fountain, he dipped his hands in the water to wash any more traces off, and lit a cigarette and smoking heavily because the smell would mask any of the smell of blood and death on him.

He dropped the weapon into a bin on purpose somewhere along the way, somewhere hidden where no one would find it. There weren't any traces of his fingerprints on it, just a few minuscule drops of the victim's blood, which, if it rained, would be impossible to recover. It would then be a completely ordinary blade.

Beyond reached home at 5.13 am, and saw Light fast asleep on the couch in front of the TV. He must have noticed he was gone and waited up for him to return, before falling asleep.

He made himself as quiet as possible, the man going to take a shower, watching the rest of the traces of blood be washed away. He took out the remaining black contacts and washed the make-up off, scrubbing under his fingernails and making sure he was completely scrubbed, no evidence left on him at all.

Beyond's sharp hearing heard Light's footsteps, and the bathroom door opening and Light's figure standing there, looking at him. He seemed sleepy, but his eyes were sharp, looking at him accusatorily.

"You weren't there when I woke up," Light said mildly.

"I went out," Beyond told him, turning off the shower and taking a towel, wiping himself off thoroughly. "I bought some cigarettes."

"How long were you gone?"

"A couple of hours." A lie, he'd been gone longer than that. He walked past Light to grab some clean clothes, putting them on, giving him a perfectly normal grin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just that I don't see any logic in you disappearing for so long just for a pack of cigarettes." Light frowned at him.

"Did you miss me, Light?" Beyond asked him, coming closer to him and bending slightly to kiss his mouth, "I'm sorry."

Light let him kiss him then pushed him away, going to sit on the edge of the bed, glancing at the clock. "I feel like you're taunting me when you do things like that, B-san. You disappearing on me like it's _nothing_. Who do you think I am, huh? Did you think I liked that, not knowing where you are?"

Light stared at him, somewhat infuriated, watching as B casually took out a cigarette and started to light it. "-I do not take lightly to things like that. You should know that by now."

"Yeah."

"Then? Where were you, really, B-san? Are you going to tell me at all?"

"Well, I was feeling sentimental, Light, so I took a long walk. I thought of my brother and you." The letter L he had carved into the boy's body flashed back into his mind.

"Don't be silly, you're not the sentimental type." Light huffed, watching Beyond smoke. He glanced over him with his red eyes.

"You don't have work later, do you?" Beyond asked.

"No, not today or tomorrow." Light looked at him suspiciously, then sighed. "Aren't you _tired_ , B-san? I haven't seen you sleeping much lately."

That was because he was restless, but Light wouldn't have known. Beyond wasn't restless now, however. He was all good and well and extremely calm after sating his other desire. In fact, he felt fucking _fantastic_.

"Yeah, maybe I do need some sleep," Beyond said, finally, putting out his half-finished cigarette and coughing slightly, wandering off to the kitchen first to get a drink, before coming back to bed. He flopped in beside Light, who just looked at him distrustfully.

"Please don't look at me like that, Light." He gestured, opening his arms up to him, "Come on."

Light sighed, but succumbed to him, getting back into bed and moving into Beyond's arms. "You just haven't been truthful about being gone. You know I never keep secrets from you, but when you keep some from me, it does _hurt_. Surely you understand that, B-san."

"Yeah." Beyond nuzzled his neck, pressing kisses over his jugular, and then over his shoulder through his t-shirt.

Light let him do that, but gasped when his hand began to suddenly slip beneath his shirt and rub over his soft flat tummy for a while, then reached further up to toy and pinch his pink nipples, his face colouring slightly in the dim lighting of the bedroom. He felt his fingers toy at the waistband of his shorts, about to slip his hand inside before he grasped Beyond's wrist.

"I'm still sore," he muttered, half-complaining.

"Yeah?" Beyond chuckled, "Alright, fine."

To Light, this was _odd_ , because Beyond had only refrained from his advances about once or twice, out of maybe five times even when Light asked him to stop. Usually he just didn't care and began to push him up against the headboard or wherever in the house they were, and continued to make love to him – even if it really did hurt and he was terribly sore inside. The man really was _that_ insistent when it came to sex. And because of that, it only deepened Light's suspicion when he actually listened, then stopped touching him and rolled onto his back to sleep properly.

Beyond was already fast asleep, snoring lightly when the younger man turned around to look at him properly.

Light sighed after staring at him for a long moment and shook his head, closing his eyes to fall asleep as well.

* * *

Light was beginning to suspect something was starting to go wrong with Beyond, rather belatedly, in fact.

He was an observant man, because it was in his line of work as an NPA detective to know these things. He hadn't been given a proper explanation as to why he had been gone the night before, and Beyond had evaded answering by sleeping all through the afternoon, only waking up around 6 pm when Light was in his study.

A part of Light was almost forgiving, because Beyond seemed to need the sleep, so he hadn't woken him up. And yet, the nagging suspicion remained on his mind as he read through the copies of the old case files, eyes glancing at the small TV he put in the study to watch the news when he was bored or needed a distraction.

Beyond, now awake, took a shower and lit a cigarette while waiting for his food to heat in the microwave, sitting on the couch to eat when it was done and turned on the TV idly.

The prime time news was on, a report about Beyond's victim with the 'L' carved in his chest, and Beyond wondered if Light was watching this in his room.

_'19 year old Koji Ito has been found brutally murdered at 12.49 pm today in Yotsuka, Shinjuku district. Police have issued a warning to the residents living in that area that this may be the first of a spate of murders due to-'_

He changed the news channel. Yet another one was showing about the very same case, but now, with a blurred out image of a woman being interviewed by a reporter, _"I was just walking down the alley for a short-cut to go to my workplace because I was running late, and I noticed a boy lying down on the floor, but his clothes were bloody, and he was dead, and it smelled so-"_ The woman started to cry, and being consoled by another person.

He switched to yet another channel. A professional by the looks of it, speaking, _"I feel it's vital to reveal the cause of death, yes, because it is rather peculiar—the boy died of blood loss, and the murder weapon hasn't been found yet, but we have a cause to believe that the murderer wanted to give a message. It looked like a samurai's 'seppuku', one of the theories we have, the motive of murder, but it is plenty obvious this isn't suicide, due to the angle of the wound, the force behind it-"_ He was listening intently, _"-The wound looks like an 'L', in another of our theories-"_

Fuck, his paranoia was starting to sink in. He switched channels to a documentary, lowered the volume of the TV and finished his food, taking a sip of water, and trying to listen with his sharp hearing what Light was doing in his study. He couldn't hear anything, so he had to find out.

Beyond saw Light sitting there, facing the small TV placed inside the study, watching the news intently with an odd expression on his face. He looked up when Beyond entered, giving him a placid smile before speaking, somewhat eerily and calmly.

"I don't know about you, B-san, but I have this really strange feeling inside me."

"What do you mean? You're not getting pregnant aren't you?" B grinned, faltering at the look on Light's face.

Light didn't comment at the joke, staring at him accusatorily.

"What? You're looking at me like I just-"

"Shut up, B," he snapped.

Beyond felt a slight chill at Light's tone.

"What is it now, Light?"

"Why is it that time and time again when I think that I've done something good for you, it seems like nothing you say or do can be trusted?"

Beyond watched him grow increasingly angry. Light had figured it out, and Beyond wasn't surprised honestly, because the clues were rather obvious, and it matched why Beyond had disappeared the night before.

"I thought I had been doing a good thing for you, a favour, perhaps, nearly sacrificing my job, which is practically my whole life, by bringing down that institution which fucked _you_ up in the first place. I fucking understood the consequences of going on with the investigation myself, of letting you live with me, but I did it all just the same because I cared for you, and you said you could _change_ for me... but apparently not, huh?" Light said bitterly, a hint of sadness creeping into into his tone.

He paused.

"How many lies have you told me, B-san? If you can't change, you shouldn't have promised me, you _fucker,_ " Light's eyes flashed, turning around so Beyond couldn't see his face-

Because he had started to cry.

Was that how severe the extent of the damages on Beyond's psyche were? He had thought the man had the willpower to change himself, because Beyond had told him so many times he was in love with him, and now, his heart stung horribly that there was no possible way of living a _normal_ life with the man.

Light _wanted_ that, but it seemed it would never come to be.

He had only just began to accept the fact that the man was violent, had murdered, and almost everything he was went against his ideals of justice, and he was about to push all of his flaws aside because he actually liked the man as a person, because of his intelligence, his wildness, his strangeness, how he could just talk to him about anything and everything so frankly and never needed to feel as if he wasn't understood-

And now, _this_. Light was extremely... sad.

He was so _demoralised._ He felt like a fucking idiot.

Beyond had to stop Light from sinking even further into his thoughts, so he turned him around and cupped his face, pressing a kiss to his forehead and wiping away his tears. "Shh, Light, I'm sorry, please-"

Fuck, Beyond really hated to see him cry.

"You... you're such a fucking _bastard_... I should hate you, you know that?"

"I know, c'mon, don't say that..."

"How many others have you killed before this boy, huh? He's only nineteen, you fucker, he's so young, he might not have been smart or useful to society or perfect to anyone but he had a family and _friends_ -"

"I know, but-"

"You think you're God, huh B? Going around killing people as you please. Who are you going to kill next, huh?"

Light's voice cracked.

"Who? Me? You're gonna kill _me_ next?" He wiped his face furiously, glaring at Beyond fiercely. "Why don't you do it now, bastard?"

Light was taunting him, as though he really hated Beyond, and the fact stung really badly.

"I can't ever kill you, Light." He tried to control himself. He had his fill already, he didn't want to complicate things further.

"Then why can't you _fucking stop?_ " Light yelled, furious. "What are you waiting for, B? Waiting for _this_ to break me?"

"If you really wanted to know," Beyond spoke, gradually growing annoyed, "That boy was going to die soon even if I hadn't done it to him."

"Are you trying to justify killing a _child_ , B-san? I knew it," he spat, "You're fucking rotten."

"I didn't choose to be rotten, alright?" Beyond grabbed Light and pushed him up against the wall, his red eyes flashing angrily, "It isn't my fucking fault I was born with these eyes-" And in his anger, revealing more than he had meant to, "I didn't mean to see my mother and father _dying_ when I was five, seeing those numbers above their heads every single day and not realising until it was too late! Do you know the burden—how that did me in and drove me mad? How I lost my _innocence_ -"

Light looked at him, stunned.

"B-san, you-"

Beyond realised he had said too much, so he let him go.

"If you really want me to leave, I'll leave," he muttered aloud.

And if he asked him to go, Light thought, he'd be... lonely again. And that was as much of an unbearable thought as Beyond being unable to change his ways, because of something he had no choice in. He understood this perfectly, all too well, but then again, the pain in believing that Beyond could change because Light was optimistic enough to think he could-

Had he just been stupid, then?

Beyond didn't wait for his answer, leaving the room, grabbing his things and about to put on his shoes and leave him forever when Light stood in front of him, a guilty look on his face.

"Don't," he said finally. Light really doubted if he was doing the right thing, but the thought of being alone again was _horrible_. It made him sick. He had family and friends, but if Beyond left, there was no one he could really take comfort in anymore, even if the man was dangerous and overprotective and possessive and a downright bad influence.

A bad, horrible character to be around, but Light... he was attracted to him. He didn't know what to call it, he did like him, but to call it _love_ —it was such a strong word.

Beyond stopped.

"It's just... I haven't heard you reveal so much before," Light told him, "Now that you've told me about your parents, I—really want to know more."

Beyond was silent before he bit back, "So you could analyse me with that, Light?"

" _No._ " Light glared at him, "I don't let anyone into my life, B-san. I never let anyone into my life, but I let you in. You know so many things about me, don't you? The least you could trust me with is your _real name_. And while I may not accept that you've killed the boy, and that you can be a cruel person, which may not _entirely_ be your fault, I-" he shuffled slightly, "-do admit I like you."

Beyond offered him a little smile, to which Light returned, rather shyly for a change.


	7. Light Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drug aided sex (poppers), Graphic detail of murder.

_You're insignificant  
A small piece, an ism  
No more no less  
You try to learn the universe  
Can't even converse in universe _

Makes Me Wanna Die - Tricky _  
_

* * *

It sounded like such a sick, twisted plan.

Light absolutely hated it. At first, he refused to have any part in it, even though Beyond justified it as a game—if people could get seriously hurt it wasn't a _game_. Light knew that Beyond was a strong, extremely capable man, capable of brutal murder. And yet Beyond had convinced him that it was a good thing, that he needed an outlet for his other desires, and simply _not_ acknowledging it wasn't enough.

Because Beyond could get his hands on another boy like Koji Ito, and murder him brutally after so long of keeping his hatred and excess energy all pent up for so long. And Light didn't want anyone else to die because of B, because he _had_ to make the effort to change him instead of expecting it all to go away, since the possibility of it disappearing on its own wouldn't happen.

Not even if he _wished_ it would. Wishes were foolish, after all.

Beyond's murderous rage was easily triggered by jealousy, especially when someone showed interest in Light, that much was certain. He wasn't as bothered if they went out together and people just glanced at the younger man simply because he was attractive, but if someone made it a point to keep staring, all Beyond wanted to do was to dig their eyes out. He'd give them an evil, possessive look, and most of the time they would back off, mainly because he looked like a foreigner and was fairly tall so his presence didn't exactly go unnoticed.

They had been walking together late at night after having spent some time together at a restaurant after one of Light's working late nights. Beyond had just been picking him up from the NPA building in his disguise. Matsuda had seen the man once, greeted him in his friendly manner and going on to his own way.

In his car, Light had idled the time away telling him how hungry he was—and how he didn't feel like cooking. They ended up parking far way from the place that he wanted to go to because there wasn't a parking space close to where he wanted to eat. On the way there they had to pass through several streets first.

After the meal and the conversation between the two of them about Light's current case, and several other trivial things, they intended to get back home to rest. However, Light decided to take the shortcut to the parking lot instead, and they passed by several clubs and rather seedy bars of a certain district, but Light remained unaffected and just continued walking on without staring.

Beyond watched as he saw a drunk woman vomiting onto the ground. Another was yelling at a man, which grated on his ears. And they had to stop in their tracks and back away for a while, when a man came rushing out of a club, his face bloodied and nursing a broken nose, with a bouncer who looked like he was the one who had broken it, and yelling that he should _'stay the fuck out of the club'_.

A prostitute was eyeing at them two, calling at them and trying to get them to buy their 'services', to which Light tilted his hear away, ignoring her.

"Fucking idiots," Light had spat under his breath. Beyond heard it.

He grinned.

Beyond lit a cigarette, as they finally walked out of the district and walked down the street towards the parking lot.

When they finally reached the car, he put out the rest of the cigarette, Beyond grasping Light's wrist firmly and was pressing him against the hood, looking at his indignant face in mild fascination. He watched amusedly as Light struggled a little.

"We're in public, B-san, so be so stupid as to _kiss_ me-"

"Hey, I had an idea that could help me and you."

"Huh?"

"How would you gain entry into a club like that, Light?" he asked him.

Light's eyes narrowed, wondering where this was headed. "That's plenty obvious, isn't it? You wait in line, then pay an entry fee at the door."

"Yeah?" Beyond was grinning. Light didn't like that look.

"Why the hell would you want to go there, anyway? It's a place full of idiots, it's really noisy, and most of the time, the music is horrible. Did you see the number of drunk people we walked past? Pathetic," he muttered, pushing at Beyond's chest. "I don't see how it could be a 'fun' way it is to pass one's time—and _let go_ of me already."

"You want me to change, don't you?"

"What?" Light looked up at him, raising an eyebrow, "Of course I do. What are you trying to say?"

"People can get hurt there too, Light," he said thoughtfully, still pressing him against the hood and touching him. "Get their faces broken."

"...Yeah. Your point is?"

"If we went to such a place together, Light, hypothetically speaking, no one would know who were are, because the clubs and pubs are rather dimly lit, and full of people. They do not ask for your IDs unless you don't look of age. That could only mean anyone could go in and out without noticing. And that means if I become a bit _violent_ , people would assume I'm drunk and agitated and just throw me out. You would be there to restrain me and calm me down afterwards, because my heart does grow soft for you, Light."

Beyond grinned, and Light grimaced.

"...Or," he continued, "Because I know how sneaky I can be, I could just walk right out without even being thrown out by the big scary bouncer, and all the excessive violence would have been dispelled from me for the time being. It would be extremely therapeutic for me, and no one gets hurt _too_ badly. I'm taking this objectively, thinking of my instability as something I need a fix for. In a fashion similar to my smoking habit."

He understood, but it was... _stupid_. "Why should I get involved?" Light eyed him suspiciously.

"Because I believe the trigger to my violence is when someone decides to lay their eyes upon you."

Light knew this, but even so he had to say something against it. "That's _stupid_ , B-san. Plenty of people lay their eyes on me all the time. I don't _care_."

"You're rather good at acting, aren't you?" Beyond grinned when Light decided to look at him indignantly, but he knew that was true. "Well, what if someone decided that they liked you, and wanted to dance with you—and I let you?" he asked him.

"You'd _let_ me?" Light muttered, scoffing at him, "I told you, you don't own me, B-san. I can do whatever I want, I don't need _your_ permission of all people. You're so presumptuous, you know that?"

"You know how possessive I am over you."

Light nearly rolled his eyes again.

Beyond continued to explain, "And if they go too far, decided that they wanted to _have_ you, I'll stop them. With my bare hands."

"How would that work as a fix? You wanted to beat them up like a street hooligan?"

"Do you remember Fight Club where the nameless protagonist claims he wanted to destroy something beautiful, and then beats that blond pretty guy up—without any other reason? Yeah? It's sort of like that."

"... _What?_ "

"It's an American movie, Light. I've always liked it. And that fight scene was quite brilliant. Very cool, I should say."

He blinked, because he had no idea that Beyond had been interested in popular culture of all things. It threw him off, but he eventually commented, "You're _weird_ , you know that?"

"That strangely isn't the worst insult I've had spoken to my face, Light."

Light thought about it. "You expect me to flirt with someone just so you could have an excuse to beat them up?"

"Yes, that's the whole gist of it."

"I don't do inane things like _flirting_ , B-san. That sounds like something a high-schooler would do."

Trust Light to say something like that.

"I would have liked to see _you_ in a school boy outfit," Beyond said thoughtfully, grinning and teasing him. "...Or a school girl outfit. I like women too, and you would have made a very _nice_ woman-"

"You're a creep. That's disgusting."

Beyond grinned, "Well, you could pretend to flirt. With your face and voice you could make anyone do anything, couldn't you?" Light coloured visibly, because that was a compliment coming from him, and it was ….embarrassing. He remembered that they were _still_ in public, he was still pinning him to the hood of his car and holding him in place-

"Fine. I—yes, _fine_ , I don't agree to you hurting someone, but as long as you make sure you don't lose control and get caught. If you get yourself in trouble, I don't see how I can help you anymore."

Light wasn't happy about this, but he relented.

"I'm too clever and quick to get caught." Beyond smiled at him.

The man leaned in to give him a kiss on his mouth, and Light turned away so he just kissed his cheek, finally able to push him off with a firm shove.

"I'd like to get home, it's late and I'm tired," he said, slightly annoyed at how touchy-feely he was, getting into the driver's seat and waiting for B to get in.

The following two days Light was off work. When Light woke up to shower and eat the next day, they passed the time rather uneventfully.

Once it was night time, Beyond decided to get dressed and spent his time to make his disguise even more convincing, so his face were altered this time to look rather different. He had brown coloured contacts and used a brown wig, styled differently which seemed to alter his face shape, and although Light didn't seem to mind his changed appearance so much, it was fairly obvious he was pretty startled by how different _(normal)_ he could look.

They waited until it was eleven at night before leaving together.

"You're like a chameleon," Light muttered aloud, when they were in the car, driving towards the place that they had discussed about.

Light was dressed in something he wouldn't normally wear, a pair of rather fitting pants and a casual white shirt tucked in which made him looked rather good. Beyond had looked at him rather appreciatively, staring him down like he wanted to eat him, before Light had brushed him off.

"I'm taking it that you mean you're impressed," Beyond commented, still watching him.

"Don't gloat, B-san, that's completely unnecessary."

An amiable silence between them.

"Turn into the gay district," Beyond told him.

Light glanced at him, surprised, "I thought you meant the same district we passed yesterday-"

"Well, we're doing this on a trial basis, aren't we? More men would pick you up in a gay club, that's common sense. You don't want me to beat up a woman who decided to dance with you, do you? That's a low blow. I'm not that horrible."

Light had rolled his eyes but sighed and complied, feeling rather apprehensive about it, but not letting it show as he continued to drive for at least half an hour more, and parked in a multi-storey lot five minute walk away from the district. They got out of the car and began their trek, though it was easy to see when they had reached their desired location.

There were men openly touching each other right on the street, holding hands, many of them looking at Beyond and Light as they passed. Beyond was a foreigner, and that mere fact was interesting even though he wasn't as conventionally handsome. He was tall, lanky and confident, and they did attract some glances for just being there together.

"I don't really feel comfortable with this, B-san," Light muttered dully under his breath, enough for Beyond to hear.

"You don't like being stared at by gay men even though you have—"

" _Shut up_. I'm not gay."

"I thought it was a vanity thing-"

Light glared at him.

B chuckled a little at Light's defensiveness and began studying the place. They had already passed a few pubs and shops, but he wanted to find a club stuffed to the brim with patrons.

They found a busier street soon enough. From there, they located a seedy-looking club with several men in line outside, a testament that it was popular. Beyond grasped his wrist and brought him to wait in line. They managed to get in, and Beyond saw how the fat bouncer was staring at Light – which he disliked greatly-before walking behind Light on purpose, a possessive hold on his hips so he'd stop staring.

It irked him, but it would be stupid to initiate a fight with the bouncer of all the people there. He'd pick someone else.

The music was blaring, the beat pounding in their ears and reverberating in their bodies. There were people dancing at the dance floor, kissing, touching rather openly, drinking—the sight made Light feel extremely embarrassed, but he schooled his face. He wasn't one to be openly judgemental, keeping all his opinions to himself most of the time (he was completely honest with Beyond alone), and even though the men did look at him and smiled suggestively, Beyond was there behind him—the fact which made anyone not approach Light just yet.

Beyond directed him to the bar instead to get a drink, ordering a gin and tonic, and a scotch for himself, waiting for it while they just leaned against the counter together.

"I know you don't like to drink, Light, but just one would loosen you up a bit before I let you go." Beyond had to speak in his ear, the only way Light could hear him.

Their drinks came and Beyond paid the bartender, wasting no time downing the shot. He watched Light take his time with his own drink, the younger man grimacing slightly.

Fuck, Light looked absolutely beautiful like that. He was so _perfect_. Beyond liked to stare at him, but the younger man would only admonish him normally and tell him not to. He boldly pulled Light closer, wrapping his arm around his slender waist so they didn't look so out of place, and saw how indignant Light looked when he was brought close.

He was such a prude even in public where no one knew who they were, and surrounded by people who didn't care who was touching who. It was endearing.

"B-san, I-"

"You don't want to appear out of place, do you?" Beyond was touching him even lower, over the curve of his bottom, leaning in to press a kiss over Light's neck.

He shivered deliciously. So much for being a prude.

"No—I, _don't_ kiss me, B-san," he muttered half-heartedly. He ducked his head away to finish his drink, feeling the alcohol settle in his stomach and making him feel very warm. Light's sun-kissed skin was already showing a flush from the alcohol.

He really _was_ a lightweight. It was almost funny.

"Yeah? Why not?" B kept on kissing his neck, licking and suckling on his skin, effectively marking him before anyone else had the chance to kiss him there. "I'm already starting to get jealous of the thought of someone else looking at you."

Light gasped slightly when he nipped his delicate skin.

"Go on," Beyond told him finally, letting him go.

Light gave him an apprehensive look, nervous (and that was _adorable_ ) and obviously being thrown out of his comfort zone with just the fact he was there in such a seedy place. Light was still such a completely proper young man, even with Beyond's influence. Then he was nodding slightly, leaving and disappearing into the sea of people, without saying anything else to him.

Beyond's sharp eyes were still looking at him however, tracking his every movement obsessively.

To his left, he saw someone slipping a small brown bottle to another man discreetly, handing him some money for it in return. Beyond grinned because he knew just what that was, approaching the dealer, taking his eyes off Light for the time being.

Needless to say, Light was apprehensive about this entire thing. He glanced back to see where Beyond was, but realised he couldn't even see him because the place was so dimly lit, full with people and noisy. He felt himself be groped and touched, which frankly made him somewhat claustrophobic, but it wasn't like anyone was going to force themselves on him right there on the stupid dance floor, he thought, because Beyond would _see_. He would beat them up for even looking at Light.

The thought made him feel rather stupid. He was relying on Beyond for protection, when he was very much _male_ himself. Not to mention, very capable of protecting himself if he had to. He had to stop thinking about him so much.

He managed to get on the other side of the club, and without looking around first, decided to sit down on the red leather sofa, hitting someone's solid body and gasped loudly, making it seem like an accident.

"Hey-" An unfamiliar voice protesting.

Light turned around, and saw there was a man who appeared to be in his late thirties, with black shoulder length hair dressed in black and leather pants, looking at him. This man would do, he thought, giving him a rather fetching lost and confused expression on his face, watching the man fall into his act rather easily.

"I'm sorry, I don't know where my friends went," Light told him apologetically over the music.

"Eh, no worries, baby." Light grimaced inside at the nickname, "You can sit with me if you want."

Fuck, the older man was eating him up with his eyes, staring at him in a manner which made him genuinely uncomfortable. He felt his hand on his thigh, creeping up, which made him want to push it away because he didn't like strangers touching him, and the man's warm breath on his ear which made him recoil.

"You're really cute, aren't you?"

"I'm... I'm cute?" Light asked him, feigning innocence. He made himself smile playfully. It made him feel rather sick, to have to pretend to be this stupid, innocent gay boy, because he wasn't one. _At all_. But Light knew he could act, and he had agreed to do Beyond a favour after all. Backing out of it in the last moment was cowardly.

"Yeah. Got a name, baby? How old are you, huh?"

"I'm... I'm-" He glanced at the table, looking at the jugs of beer, using that brand name as an alias. "-Asahi. I'm nineteen." Light knew he could easily pass off as that age still with his youthful face, even more so dressed as he was.

The touchy-feely older man seemed to like very much how young Light told him he was. "Nineteen, huh? Is this your first time in such a place? You should find better friends, because bad things might happen to pretty, young _twinks_ like you when they're alone. You know? I'm Teru, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Teru-san." Light responded, trying to sound meek. The man was lapping it up.

"Do you have a boyfriend, baby?"

"...No, I don't."

He couldn't help the involuntary gasp when the man decided to press a kiss over his ear and neck, and seemed to sniff him discreetly. His hand went up and pressed on the man's shoulder involuntarily. God, what was up with that? They had only just exchanged names and basic trivial information and he was already starting to kiss him, touch him, doing intimate, inappropriate things like this...

He wanted to shudder in disgust. What an absolute creep.

It was fine if Beyond did this, because he had known the man for a while now, but Teru was just a stranger. Light held back, gritting his teeth, before standing up and smiling sheepishly at him, his hand still on the man's shoulder.

"Hm? You wanted to dance?" Teru asked him lightly, grinning up at him in a disgusting, perverted manner, before standing up, taking Light's hand. "Come on, baby."

He was pulling him up towards the dance floor. The number of people there nearly made him sick, because he couldn't move without his hand or somewhere else brushing up against someone, and he really _hated_ crowds like this. It made him feel claustrophobic.

Teru was wrapping his arms all around Light, and he had to play into the act, wrapping his arms around his neck as well, his eyes looking around for Beyond because he really hated this, he disliked it so badly he really wanted Beyond to just come and beat the shit out of this disgusting man.

Fuck. His own thoughts were making him sound like he _needed_ saving.

It wasn't like he was some damsel in distress who needed to be rescued, but his mind was involuntarily thinking as such, which irked him so badly. What the fuck was wrong with him?

The man was even grinding against him. He could feel his erection poking against his stomach. Light grit his teeth.

That was _disgusting_.

Finally, he saw Beyond there, in the midst of the dancing people, the man's eyes flashing with murderous intent, pushing them out of his way so he could get to where Light was.

"You smell really good, baby," Teru was telling him, cupping his face so he looked at him, "I'm gonna kiss you."

Then he was leaning in, and doing exactly just that. Light wanted to shudder at how gross he tasted like, of beer and cigarettes and something foul, remembering how Beyond's kisses were and how they were _not_ like this, even if he had smoked beforehand-

He realised how much he _only_ liked Beyond kissing him. No one else.

He scrunched up his face and took the kiss, until the man was finally ripped away from him by Beyond.

"You fucker, how _dare_ you try to touch him-" He snarled.

Beyond punched him brutally on his face, which made Teru fall to the ground, holding his hurt cheek in shock at the sudden attack.

"The fuck, man? Are you his boyfriend or something-"

Before he could even stand up, Beyond's lithe, tall frame was on him again, grabbing his throat in a choke hold, landing each consecutive blow on his face roughly till blood splattered onto Beyond's face and clothes.

Light watched in revolted fascination and horror as Beyond did such a violent, uncontrolled thing.

"Fucking cunt, soiling him with your fucking disgusting hands, who the fuck do you think you are, huh? Motherfucking _freak_ , I hope you fucking _die_ -"

His words were brutally possessive laced with so many expletives to a degree that it made Light uncomfortable. And yet, he was strangely pleased at how protective he was over him. When he realised what he was thinking, it sent a disturbed chill down his spine.

He was seeing chaos and commotion starting right there on the dance floor, other people getting involved as well, like a freak chain reaction, some other men shouting and jumping on Beyond and starting to beat him as well to get him off.

But Beyond was a quick and strong fellow, so when he slipped away lithely from the grabbing hands and the others began fighting among themselves, he quickly found Light who looked utterly bewildered. He grabbed the young NPA agent's hand firmly and began to make his escape.

He quickly pushed past people, forcing their way out of the club and finally managed to flee from the building, the both of them running down the street and making sure they were at a safe distance away before stopping.

Beyond panted and caught his breath, leaning against the building, laughing madly at the exhilaration of what he had done.

Light tried to catch his breath as well, but calmed down gradually as he watched Beyond laugh. "Come on, stop laughing, B-san, you've had your fill for tonight, let's go home-"

"Go home? Wait a moment. That was really fucking _fun_ , Light."

He didn't seem to be able to stop laughing.

Light's eyes widened slightly. He was beginning to get slightly afraid of Beyond.

The man could do anything, it seemed, even beating up someone so brutally that the man's face seemed to have to be broken into pieces with his strong blows like that.

Fuck, Beyond could even have done permanent damage to the man's brain, and even though Light had found himself hating how the man had his hands all over him, touching and kissing in a very unpleasant way, he didn't know if he deserved getting his face broken like that.

It was too late to change things now, though.

When Light took out his handkerchief and touched Beyond's face to wipe the blood off from his cheek, the man finally stopped laughing.

"Come on, Light, let's get back to the car," he said, still very much worked up, taking the younger man's hand and walking quickly to the place where they had parked.

He realised that he was so fucking horny from the violence that he'd instigated, so fucking hot he thought he could explode. He wanted to _fuck_ Light so bad he'd get him loose and wet for ages.

Light protested. "Don't walk so fast, for God's sakes, B-san, what's the matter with you?"

When they reached the car in the very quiet and deserted multi-storey parking lot, Beyond was upon him, pushing him up against the side of the car and kissing him eagerly.

"How far did he go, huh?" he growled, kissing and nipping each inch of his skin hungrily.

"Just-" Light's mouth was covered with his demanding kiss, gasping and panting already, "He kissed me and touched me, that's all-" He was cut off with another kiss, "Goddammit, w-wait, _B-san,_ I'll have to open the door..."

"I'll make sure I claim you properly, Light."

Light squirmed and managed to push him off enough so he could open the car door, flushed and very much affected by Beyond's rough and passionate kisses. The man climbed into the passenger seat, but he was so delirious and needy with lust and desire, that when Light had fiddled with the air conditioner and radio and about to turn on the engine to drive away, he was quickly pulling Light into his seat.

He was fumbling and adjusting the car seat so it went all the way back, getting on top of the flushed younger man.

"H-hey, I thought we were going to go home-" He was cut off by his hot kisses once more, fumbling to get Light's shirt open, and beginning to suck on his pink nipples, licking hotly.

"I'm not going to wait until then."

"B-san, I won't let you-" He was cut off by another of his infuriating kisses, " _F-Fuck_ me in the car! The space is too small and someone could be watching us! Hnn-!"

"We've never had sex in public before, have we?"

Beyond kept on kissing his smooth skin, all the way to his stomach rather dexterously, moving to undo Light's pants, the younger man gasping and trying to get him to stop. It was in vain, and soon enough the piece of clothing along with his underwear was tossed somewhere, presumably the back-seat.

"Stop this, B-san, come on, I-I'll let you do what you like when we get back home, how does that sound?" Light's voice was rather shaky as he attempted to reason rationally with him, watching as Beyond spread his thighs open and rub his fingers against his little pucker rather insistently.

Light was extremely mortified because he wasn't in the privacy of his own home doing such intimate things, but still getting very much aroused at how hungry and possessive Beyond was getting over him.

"No, I'm afraid I'm going to have to fuck you right here."

Beyond reached around and opened the middle compartment of the dashboard, taking out a tube of lubricant. Light watched rather embarrassedly as he uncapped it and began to slick his fingers with it, pushing a lubricated finger inside him so soon, a slight sting from that making his body arch off the seat.

"Ahh! That _hurts_ , you bastard-" He gasped and whined adorably when Beyond decided to fuck his little hole roughly, adding three fingers at once, watching in perverted delight as his pink hole decided to swallow it up and suck it in.

"That looks so fucking good, Light, your tight little boy hole always loves my fingers so much, swallowing it in like that like it's so hungry for me..."

Beyond practically salivated at the sight of him like that. His thighs were spread right open, face flushed, and his tight pink pucker stretched lewdly around his long, insistent fingers. He couldn't help himself, he was rock hard against the fabric of his pants, the bulge plenty obvious, pressed up against Light's naked thigh which made him squirm.

"Hnn-!" Light covered his mouth in mortification and embarrassment, his head craning up to look out of the window to see if anyone was around, letting his head fall back when he realised there was no one. He was doing the best he could with his fingers jutting inside him, making him squeak and moan adorably.

"C-Come on, B-san, stop this, please? Take it out... we can do it _later_ -"

Light let out a gorgeous little whine when he promptly found his spot inside and began to fuck his fingers against it roughly, feeling his resolve waver. His cock began to twitch and grow erect, precum drooling over his taut stomach gradually, gasping and moaning as Beyond worked his body over quickly and hotly.

"How can I stop when you look this fucking hot, huh?" Beyond asked him in a low growl, nearly taunting the younger man. "You look like you're enjoying yourself, _blushing_ and crying so much."

Light shook his head furiously, trying to squirm away in the small space and kicking at him, but realising it was futile.

He was so aroused. It was Beyond's fault…God, he was so hard it _hurt_.

He watched in apprehension as Beyond began to undo his zipper, his stiff, thick cock springing out of its confines and the slit dripping wet. He cried out and moaned each time his fingers jerked against his prostrate, which Beyond seemed to do every _single-fucking-time_ so insistently that he was rendered helpless and unable to really stop him.

"Look at me, Light."

Beyond was smirking and staring at him as he began to lube his cock up, his long fingers pulling out of his pucker and began to push his thick erection against his tight little hole. It slid inside wetly.

"Fuck, it's _sucking_ me in, Light, you want it so bad, don't you?"

"AH! Ahh—goddammit, _w-wait,_ you didn't prepare me enough-" Light winced in pain, his pretty brown eyes tearing up involuntarily, his leg hooking around Beyond's waist as he tensed and clenched his slick inner muscles around his thick girth.

It was so much, and so soon, that his head was reeling, and he looked down at the erotic, yet embarrassing sight of three-quarters of his cock inside him and his hands pushed against Beyond's chest.

"T-That's enough, B-san, I can't take any deeper-! It _hurts_! Nnngh-" His face was scrunched up adorably in apprehension and pain.

Beyond kissed him to quiet him, reaching inside his pocket to take the small brown bottle, hoisting Light's hips up so he could slide in balls deep rather forcefully, and heard Light shriek loudly against his palm covering his mouth, his eyes scrunched closed.

Beyond was breathless as well, smirking and staring at the gorgeous half-naked body beneath him. Light was flushed and so fucking _tight_ that he wanted to pound in him so badly, but he could hurt Light if he couldn't hold himself back. Or without the chemical aid he just procured.

"That's why I got you this, darling."

"W-What?" Light opened his slightly teary eyes, looking at the small brown bottle he held in his hand. He had no clue what it was. "Hnnh... What's that?"

He was grinding his hips slowly, making Light shiver, his arousal throbbing and weeping against his flat tummy.

"These are poppers, Light. They're alkyl nitrites."

"Ah!" Light gasped when his thick cock a particularly good spot, grabbing hard at Beyond's shoulders.

"Do you want to make a hypothesis about what they're used for, Light?"

Light couldn't _think_ properly, let alone answer. He shook his head.

"They're a recreational drug used for anal sex, Light." He commented to him casually, as though his cock wasn't buried deep inside Light, grinding into him and making him whimper.

"-Well, the bottom has to inhale this. If anyone actually drinks this, it could be fatal because it is poisonous after all, and contact to the skin is out of the question. The effect when taken properly causes the heart rate to get really fast, the blood pressure to drop instantly, and the arteries to dilate. It gives the user a rush. The anal or vaginal muscles in return get _very_ relaxed."

Beyond was smirking widely, watching Light.

"-And it will make the bottom, the _recipient_ , get very horny, Light. It could prolong the orgasm for a while too. Very intense, they say."

Light's eyes widened, shaking his head. "Come on, you want me to take that? I don't _do_ drugs-"

"I don't believe it's addictive. It hasn't been proved to be too dangerous to the body yet. You're perfectly healthy, I'm sure you'll like the effect."

Beyond was smirking and leering, and leaning over him and began to give him slow, constant thrusts, his entire girth seeming to rub and grind against his prostrate till he couldn't take it anymore.

"B-san-" He clutched onto his shoulders harder, "Don't—ah!-tease me like _this_ , you fucker..."

"Just one whiff, alright?" Beyond insisted, fucking him slowly into the car seat.

Light shook his head desperately, crying out. "N-No!"

"You're no fun, you know that? I could continue this forever until you give in to a little experimentation."

Beyond was kissing him again, his cock throbbing and pulsing inside Light. The younger man was completely hard and the sensations were even more poignant because Light was so self-conscious about being fucked in public, gasping and shaking and shivering beneath him. He was so fucking turned on already, he couldn't help it.

But that was a club drug Beyond wanted him to take.

"Come on, Light. Please?"

"No! W-Where did you even—hahh-get such a _thing_?" he whimpered.

"Well, it is a gay club, Light." He ground into his spot, then pulled his stiff girth out and smacked the tip wetly against Light's gaping little hole. He gasped and clutched at Beyond's arm tightly. "It's a club drug. I'm very sure it's not as harmful as other, harder drugs, like speed or E."

Light whined at the sensation, feeling his thick tip sliding back in again, just the tip inside, and out, driving him mad. The wanton younger man gripped into his shoulders hard, bucking his hips back into him in a lusty manner, and whimpered when B pinned his hips down because he wanted Beyond to just fuck him properly _already_ -

"W-Why should I _trust_ you, dammit?" And why couldn't Beyond just fuck him like he wanted to, without the stupid fucking _drugs_?

"Because," B said aloud, "-I love you. I wouldn't do a thing to hurt you." He shoved the entire girth back in, filling him up to the brim and Light wailed prettily, then covered his mouth because he was embarrassed at how lusty his own body was.

He continued, "If you want, I could sniff it before you, but then I'd grow weak, y'know, that's how it works. And I do need to fuck you _hard_ , after all."

Then he stopped, leaving Light shaky and pulsing hot all over, his tight muscles clenching and unclenching down on his cock and milking it, his body just _begging_ to be pounded into hard.

Light was so completely horny already, he wanted him to just _move properly_. He couldn't imagine the sensations being even more intense as they were as Beyond told them it would be. It was just—plain crazy, but then again, he was getting curious of the effect, and he knew how stubborn Beyond could be.

"I could do this all night. We would never get home."

Those threatening words could be true. Beyond was rather ruthless, after all.

Light breathed in, panting slightly to catch his breath, getting his body teased and jutted into to the point he couldn't handle it anymore. Strings of precum were leaking from the slit of his cock, bobbing against his stomach, staining his white shirt. He was screaming prettily and whining, grabbing onto his scrawny, broad back, nails digging into his shirt and muscles because he wanted it desperately.

"AH! Ahh! _Hnn-!_ B-san, _please_..."

"Just one whiff, alright?"

Light didn't want to take drugs, but Beyond wasn't going to fuck him properly if he refused. And that was so fucking _infuriating_ , it made Light angry beyond words, and if he hadn't felt this _hot_ even in the air-conditioned car he would have fucking smacked him like he deserved-

Light had to put his bruised ego aside for a while, and give in, gritting his teeth.

He rubbed furiously at his slightly damp eyes which had begun to tear up from being teased so long.

"Hnn... _y-yeah_ , fine... If I get fucking _poisoned_ , I'll turn you in, you fucker..."

Beyond kissed him, and Light could feel the infuriating smirk against his mouth. He really thought he had so much control over him, and that irked Light so badly.

"D-Doesn't mean you've won, _bastard_ , what if I don't like it?"

"Trust me, yeah?"

Beyond uncapped the small brown bottle and brought it to Light's nose, and he looked at him apprehensively before taking a deep sniff. It was a slightly sweet scent and the chemical whiff stung his nostrils for a moment, and Light honestly felt no difference to his body in the first few seconds.

Beyond quickly capped it back and grabbed his slender hips, quickly beginning to pound into him into the car seat.

-and Light lost complete _control_.

 _Fuck,_ Beyond could feel his tight, almost constricting slick inner muscles loosen up and that was fucking good, _too good_ , and he was writhing beneath him prettily. Light was becoming overcome with intense lust against his will.

It was a mad rush through Light's body, screaming prettily as his pupils dilated even further and grabbed onto his shoulders hard, his muscles loose and relaxed and making him loose his inhibitions, screaming and begging and _crying out_ -

"B-san, _please_ , fuck me harder, hnngh-! I w-want it so much-" His wanton, lusty babble was close to incoherent, clawing at Beyond who seemed so turned on at his sudden submissiveness and change in demeanour.

"Yeah?" Beyond was smirking, heeding his lusty begging and began to slam into him harder, jutting in and out roughly and hitting his prostrate so hard, his inner muscles so completely receptive and his body over-sensitised with desire and the rush.

"Oh—oh fuck, HNN—B-san, I'm g-gonna... I'm gonna c-cum, _please, I-I can't take it anymore—_ AH!"

Light's legs were kicking slightly, his body consumed with pleasure and arching off the car seat as he began to cum so hard and intensely, _screaming,_ cum spilling all over the front of his shirt, gasping and panting and kept on shaking.

Beyond didn't stop, kept on fucking him past the younger man's completely intense orgasm.

"Told you," he spoke to him, grinning. "I knew you'd like it so bad-"

"AH! _AH, ah,_ f-fuck _-_!"

Light couldn't stop screaming, covering his mouth as his body convulsed, the continued sensation of Beyond's cock sliding in and out of him so hard and driving him insane, because he had never had such an intense orgasm before. It left him winded and shaking.

And yet Beyond didn't seem like he was stopping soon.

Light was still trembling and convulsing and whining adorably, his toes curled in his shoes even after minutes of being fucked furiously.

Beyond was irrevocably out of control as well. He was watching Light's extremely flushed, beautiful expression, pushing his thighs open and jutting and making sure each thrust was hitting all the right places, so much that the younger man was still completely hard from the continued thrusting even after cumming all over himself.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum in your loose little hole so much, fill you up so deep-" he grunted, holding his hips till they bruised. "You're gonna keep feeling it _leak_ out of you when we get back home, you hear that?" he snarled, overwhelmed with animal lust.

Light kept on crying out prettily, clutching onto him so hard he was breaking his skin and making Beyond bleed. He didn't seem to mind.

"I'm breeding your fucking wet boy pussy," he told him, lewd, dirty words spilling out of his mouth, breathing heavily and growling into his ear, "You're fucking loose like one too. It feels so fucking _good_ , Light."

"B-san, hnngh, please, _n-no more_ , please stop... hnn- I-I can't take it _anymore_...!"

Light begged so _deliciously_.

And he had been so apprehensive before at the effect of the drug.

His eyes seemed to roll into the back of his head as though he was being fucked silly, his head arched back, his sweet mouth left open with constant gasps and begging, soiled with his own release and lubricant all over his thighs.

Light still looked fucking gorgeous.

Beyond's mouth was _watering_. He looked like a complete fucking debauched fantasy.

"Hold your legs open, Light," he growled, watching Light's cock drool with precum, as though he was going to release soon again.

Light nodded hazily, completely embarrassed with the lewd, slick squelching sounds that filled the air inside the car, hooking his hands on the back of his knees, moaning and yelping adorably as he let himself get fucked, letting Beyond in because he was so fucking loose.

His cock was twitching against his stomach, so Beyond commented again, smirking, "I thought you didn't like it, huh?"

"HNN—Ah, ahh, AH—B-san, _p-please_...!"

Light gasped, still holding his legs open in that position, overwhelmed, unable to say anything or even warn B like he always did during the heat of sex. He was cumming again prematurely, panting and gasping quickly and tiredly as Beyond made use of his body thoroughly and milking his cock on his inner muscles with each frantic thrust.

"Good boy," he muttered dirtily, praising him in a lewd, almost derogatory manner, forcing Light into submission and grunting as he fucked him to his completion, "Look how much of a _slut_ I made you."

He groaned against his ear and his hips smacked hard against his a couple more times, and began flooding him so much with his thick, hot sperm copiously. Fuck, Light was so sensitive he could feel his big cock twitching and pulsing in him in the aftermath.

Light whimpered when he pulled out after kissing him, feeling so much of the warm, white substance drip out of his loose hole and onto the car seat, letting his legs down on either side of Beyond's body, chest heaving desperately and looked at the man with hooded eyes, panting.

Beyond was still staring at him hungrily as though he wanted to fuck him again.

"It's still gaping open, Light. Fuck, that looks so good..." He commented perversely and kissed his mouth, leering and smirking at him, touching and slipping his fingers into his slick hole, and Light writhed beneath him. He had gotten so _sensitive_.

"I'm gonna fuck you again when we get back home."

Beyond stared and watched him for a moment, memorising that gorgeous sight before he was beginning to help him tug his clothes back on.

Light mumbled something incoherent in response.

"What's that, Light?"

"F-Fuck you, now I'm really worn out... I'm letting you drive, but don't you dare do anything stupid..."

He was close to passing out when he finally dressed, and Beyond went on to take the driver's seat instead, adjusting Light's seat for him to its normal position and letting him take a nap until they got back home.

Beyond offered to carry him back to the apartment when they reached because Light's legs felt like jelly; he had only barely recovered from the aftermath of his pleasure. He was still trembling, his orgasms had been that intense. Light had pushed him off, though, rather indignant and walked— _hobbled_ on his own because of his pride, unlocking the door and closing it behind him, locking the door, kicking off his shoes disorderly before dropping into bed and rather uncomfortable now at the wet feeling in his bottom.

Beyond was upon him as though he really intended to do it again, and Light couldn't imagine getting aroused again, because he was so tired. He began to mumble weak protests to him—but there he was, tugging his clothes away from him, and all his protests didn't mean a thing to Beyond's ears. He was cut off by a kiss, his body felt liquefied with pleasure, being turned into putty, into his completely submissive, pliant self from Beyond's ministrations as he was made to straddle his thighs, being made love to once again.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since the club incident before Beyond was starting to get itchy again.

The urge was building inside him again, making him twitchy. He was made a victim of that desire again, and he had to somehow dispel it out of his system, so he had suggested it to Light once more. He had agreed begrudgingly after some convincing, because Light remembered what had occurred two weeks ago in the gay nightclub—and how uncomfortable he had been, seducing someone for Beyond's sake, and then watching the man lose control so violently.

The thought occurred to him—what if he lost control and went too far? What would he do then?

He didn't want to feel even more helpless as he had been that night, watching Beyond beat up that man until his face was most definitely broken.

Light decided to put his faith in him, though. He did like the way he 'comforted' him right after the incident a fortnight ago, even if he wouldn't for the life of him ever admit it openly. It was embarrassing as hell, and Beyond would probably tease him for it.

So that night, instead of turning into the gay district like they had two weeks before, they had turned into one of the more popular, normal nightclubs where the waiting line was much longer upon Beyond's request, and they were waiting in line like the rest.

Beyond lit a cigarette to pass the time. He saw a young pretty woman with her boyfriend beside her, looking at him with irritation at him smoking while waiting. He met his eyes with her on purpose and gave her a little grin, to which she just blushed and turned away from.

Light simply watched in irritation.

"How do you expect me to pick up a _man_ in a straight club?" Light muttered to Beyond discreetly, glancing at him.

Light was still debating with himself whether he had made the right decision in playing along with him for a second time, because it was _dangerous_ , and he certainly didn't want this to become a habit.

But then again, if he wasn't letting Beyond do what he had to do, there was no saying what that would escalate to next. So he had relented, keeping the thoughts in mind and trying not to be so much of a downer about it. He was rather afraid of the consequences if Beyond didn't get his 'fix' and began to actually murder again.

"There's always a chance," Beyond answered, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Light felt like complaining more, but realised it was probably too late to back out.

After waiting for twenty minutes for the line to move, Beyond had already smoked nearly a quarter of his fresh pack of cigarettes before they were finally being let inside the somewhat packed club. Like before, he had his hand placed on Light's hips possessively, guiding him towards the bar again.

"I swear, if you keep this heavy smoking and drinking a habit, B-san, I'll probably outlive you," Light spoke to him over the music.

"I know."

He responded without even mincing his words. He sat at the bar beside Light, ordering a shot of vodka for himself and soda for the younger man because he still refused to drink.

Light was unnerved with how offhanded Beyond's response to his comment was, drinking his soda and watching as Beyond downed a second shot.

And another. What was he trying to do—get drunk? Light thought. He drank it up as though it didn't burn his throat or affect him in any way, but Light was getting increasingly disturbed and gestured to the bartender to not accept Beyond's next order. The man behind the bar nodded and turned away, attending to his other orders instead.

Light could feel his stare as Beyond eyed him none too subtly.

"You could have just said to my face you didn't want me to drink," Beyond spoke to him over the music, grabbing the younger man in a sudden, startling movement-

Pulling him to sit on his lap.

Light gasped and coloured visibly, his face getting hot with embarrassment as Beyond's arms held him in place, the man burying his face in his neck, and people were starting to glance in their direction.

"Come on, B-" Light nearly growled impatiently, embarrassed out of his own mind and trying to get off but his arms were far too strong.

"I see someone watching you already."

"What?"

"He's the muscled guy who looks about your age, wearing the grey t-shirt under a black jacket with the stupid Iron- _fucking_ -Cross pendant."

Light glanced discreetly, and true enough, the man was there staring at Light and Beyond. His facial expression was odd, because it looked as though he was envious, but at the same time, as though he was enjoying the show—watching the sun-kissed skin of Light's back when his shirt had rode up from being pulled onto B's lap, and even lower where his pert bottom was pressed against Beyond' thigh.

"Yeah, I see him."

"This is what I want you to do, Light. I'm going to kiss and touch you," Beyond muttered, breath hot against Light's skin, "And when I do it too much, you can slap me and act out something and rush out of the club. Bump into that guy, and look as though you need sympathy. Make sure he's going to follow you, and run into the alley beside the club and let him do what he wants to you. I'll see you there."

"F…Fine."

He gasped when Beyond decided to kiss and suck over the side of his neck, clutching onto his broad shoulders and barely bit back his moan. It was rather noisy in such a place, no one would hear his sounds, either way, gasping when he decided to suck on his skin hard and lick the sore area, before grasping the back of Light's head, pulling him into a kiss.

Beyond's hands were roaming under his shirt, and some people were beginning to really stare, including the man Beyond had mentioned who was watching intently, because it was rather unusual to see a male gay couple openly making out—but it was a nightclub, after all. Most people were drunk or high, dancing with their partners, too entranced in the atmosphere to really care.

He saw the muscled guy licking his lips and watching Light more, half-hiding his face with his beer glass.

Beyond's hands were moving over his hips and lower onto his rounded little bottom, earning him a squeak, which most definitely the man heard because that was rather loud, and he had somehow come closer, watching out of the corner of his eye as the man pretended to order a drink and giving little glances to Light.

He tugged the collar of Light's shirt down slightly after he had pulled away from the younger man's sweet, tempting mouth, touching the naked skin there.

Beyond bit down on the column of his neck hard where his shoulder and neck met.

Light cried out at the sharp, sudden pain, dulling to a painful throb, his hand moving to cover the place where he'd bitten, glaring daggers at Beyond.

"The fuck was that about?" Light complained, but knowing he had to act quick after B had signalled to him the man was just beside him, standing against the counter, landing a hard smack on Beyond's face.

That hurt, Beyond thought, cupping his cheek, because Light hadn't really held back for that. He kept on grinning, though, watching as Light stumbled out of his lap and made to look like knocking into the man beside him wasn't on purpose.

"I'm—I'm sorry," Light pretended to sniffle, his eyes already watery from the pain of being bitten. His hands were on the muscled guy's broad shoulders, looking up into his face with his brown watery eyes before collecting himself, faking a choked sob and running out of the nightclub.

Light's acting skills was rather good. The guy lapped it up.

"Hey, man," the muscled guy spoke to Beyond, frowning and looking at him instead of rushing after Light as Beyond would have thought. "Why did you gotta hurt this kid for, huh?"

"What, you wanted him?" Beyond said offhandedly, ordering another vodka shot, then downed it rather easily when the drink came, "Go run after him, then."

"You _bit_ him, what the fuck is your problem?" The muscled guy was getting agitated. "He was bleeding, and you're just-"

"Look," Beyond's eyes glanced up to the top of the guy's head, and using his name without an honorific, "Atsuo. You want to be all righteous on me, huh? Wrong place, man."

"Wrong place? Hey man, I don't know what's _your_ problem-"

"If you wanted to be chivalrous, Atsuo, you could go check on him first instead of nagging on me."

"He's not some piece of meat you can just toss, he's a fucking _person_ -"

Beyond wanted to infuriate this man. He wanted the muscled guy to get so mad he would grab Beyond by the scruff, and bash his face in. Beyond wanted to feel pain, so that it would fuel his intense desire to _hurt_ someone.

And if Light wasn't there to see him, all the better.

He saw his confused expression when he realised Beyond had used his real name on him, and was about to open his mouth to ask exactly how he'd known, when Beyond interrupted him.

"Why don't you fucking comfort him, then?" Beyond said carelessly, lighting a cigarette and taking a deep drag, because his hands were twitching with desire, before staring the man straight in his eye. "Maybe he clung onto you and gave you those fucking pretty, teary eyes for a reason. You wanted to fuck him, huh? Staring at him like that from across the room."

Beyond smirked, continued. "...He might just let you, you know."

Beyond was starting to get extremely twitchy with desire to just bash his fucking face in. It had been really _too long_. He needed his fix badly.

The man still had the audacity to deflect Beyond's claims of his attraction to Light.

"I didn't want to fuck him, man. I'm not a _fag_. I'm just concerned. And how the hell do you know my name, huh?"

He saw just how extremely unsettled the man was over that single fact.

"Because I'm a freak." Beyond responded, "And you're a fucking _fag_."

He grinned in delight when the man flared up, grabbing Beyond by his collar and off his seat, landing a fairly harsh blow onto his face just as Beyond had hoped for. He tasted blood in his mouth.

Beyond swallowed it in without spitting it out, grinning at the man with his teeth covered in red, his own blood, a confused expression twisting onto Atsuo's face.

The people around them were starting to get wary, watching what was going to happen next—whether it was going to turn into a violent brawl. No one had alerted the bouncers yet.

Good. This was fucking _excellent_. His body thrummed with energy and desire. He had what he needed.

A dead calm washed over Beyond's psyche, and an icy sinister chill seemed to permeate the air.

Beyond was quick on his feet, so he leapt onto the man and took him off guard and punched his face hard in quick successive blows, breaking his nose and teeth and jaw. He knew he was a strong man, and the other man's imposing figure would do nothing to deter him.

"Fucking _sonofabitch_ , I'm gonna fucking _kill you_ ," Beyond spat, consumed with his hatred.

He beat him. Beyond's teeth were tightly gnashed that the veins stood out in his neck like knotted cords of rope. He used every bit of strength in him, pounding the white knuckled grip of his fist into the man's face and his skull, kicking his body with sick crunching sounds and attacking till the man was senseless.

He didn't hear the chaos and commotion around him.

Beyond was too fucking _consumed_ with blood lust to even bother with trivialities like _other people._

Beyond picked up the large, heavy crystal ashtray off the bar counter, and smashed it hard, once, twice, thrice into the man's skull, breaking into the bone, the man's crimson blood and brain spilling out grotesquely.

The limbs of the man once known as Atsuo were twitching horribly, a mass of flesh, blood and broken bones on the floor of the nightclub.

Beyond Birthday panted when he was done, standing up to his full height and looming over the broken, expired body of the man. He laughed a loud demented laugh, ringing in his own ears.

He saw Light standing across the room, tears running down his face, a look of transfixed horror on his face.

Beyond had committed cold-blooded murder with his bare hands in front of a room full of witnesses.

People screamed and ran.


	8. Iron Lung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character death, smut, erotic asphyxiation.

In the ensuing chaos which followed, Beyond grabbed Light's wrist with his bloodied palm and quickly made their way from the murder scene. He forced Light to move with him, tugging him along until they were safely back inside the car.

Light felt numb.

He was scared of Beyond. He could smell the blood on him. There was blood on the man's face, as well as his shirt and his hands, some of which had transferred onto Light's hands as well when the man had grabbed onto him.

He stared at his stained hands, and wiped his damp eyes with his knuckles so the blood didn't smear onto his face. Beyond was still panting somewhat, his eyes watching Light intently, wondering if the younger man was going to do something stupid—when he saw him buckling his seat belt. He turned on the engine and drove them back home.

Once they had reached home, Light had ran to the bathroom first, not even bothering to turn on the lights as he washed his hands free of the blood, over and over again.

He felt sick to his stomach.

That had gone horribly wrong. He didn't even know if B had meant for it to not.

This was Beyond's fucking fault. He fucking hated him. How _dare_ he do something like this? If Light hadn't had the foresight to come back inside the nightclub to see what was happening because Beyond was taking so long-

What would have happened if he hadn't gone back inside based on his gut feeling?

Beyond had funny ways of showing he cared. Or maybe he never had cared.

He didn't know what to think.

Beyond came in after a moment, removing his clothes and starting to shower, removing all the evidence on him. When he was done, Light just stood there numbly leaned against the bathroom counter, not even knowing what to say. He watched the murderer put on a clean set of clothes and approach him.

Light flinched.

"I'm sorry, Light."

It took him a moment to recollect himself and answer, biting back, "If you're sorry, why did you do that in the first place?"

"Because I -I don''t know _what_ got into me. Please, I'm sorry-"

"Why?"

"Come on, now, I'll make it up to you. No one knew who I was, you know that. I had my disguise on, I can change it easily, and we can be normal again-"

"We were never _normal_ , B-san! How do you expect me to live knowing you've done such a thing? And... and I'm a fucking _detective_ , I could arrest you right now for cold-blooded murder!"

Light seemed shaken of that fact, not even knowing if he could do that—arresting someone like Beyond.

He couldn't stop his words.. It was like a flood. "-I fucking _loved_ you, and you're tearing me apart, tearing me between these choices, B-san! What sort of human are you? Are you even human at _all_?"

Beyond was silent for a moment. "Come on, you know me, don't you? If you love me, you'd want the best for me, isn't that so, Light?"

It was the first time Light had ever said something like that, that he _loved_ him, and Beyond hadn't thought he was capable of it. He thought he would have to wait longer to hear such a thing coming from his mouth—and he didn't even know if Light even truly meant it.

It was like a pang to his cold heart.

"I don't know! I—I should have had you arrested a _long time ago_!"

He seemed broken. Light wanted to scream.

How had he even trusted him?

Had he been naïve? Where had he gone _wrong_?

Beyond pulled him into his arms in a tight embrace as though to anchor him, and Light seemed to fight back, his fists balling up and hitting his chest.

"Get away from me, you fucking _murderer_ -"

"Shh... I'm sorry." He was still holding him tightly.

"Fucking _murderer!"_ Light screamed, still hitting Beyond furiously.

Tears formed in his eyes again until he gave up after a while, panting slightly. He clutched onto B's shoulders, then he was pulling him close and buried his face in his neck for comfort, and the older man embraced him tighter, trying to get him to calm down properly.

"Just keep our secret for a while longer, please?" Beyond asked, speaking into his ear, "You do want to remain happy, don't you? Don't I make you happy? There's only one person who can truly understand you, and that's _me_ , and even if you hated me because of what I did, I can't help it... It's on my conscience, isn't it? You can't think you're to blame, it's my own fault for not being able to recover. You can't beat yourself up over what I did, I'm the one who is going to Hell—and you, you're the one who's going to Heaven for being the good person you are."

He didn't comprehend at first, but in that split second, Light realised something.

He remembered what B had said more than a month ago, how he wanted to live for just a week after he had broken out of the hospital, and in the end, blow his brains out. But then he'd met Light. The way he said it made Light feel so _unsure_.

"Don't speak as though you're going to die!"

He pulled away from his embrace fiercely, grabbing B's face.

"...What the fuck are you going to do, B-san? Don't you _dare_ fucking leave me alone-"

"I won't leave you, I promise."

"Then don't fucking talk like that! I hate it!"

This, Light thought, was so _fucking_ messed up. He had to let it be known.

"I know you hate it...shh-" He kissed Light's forehead, "You need to sleep, don't you? I'll watch over you, like always-"

"Don't you _dare_ patronise me! I don't know what to _think_ anymore because of you!"

Beyond bit back his remark, and took Light's hand instead, insisting that he followed though Light was glaring at him fiercely. Eventually the younger man relented, let himself be brought to bed and laid down, watching Beyond as the man took his pack of cigarettes. He lit one and looked at the younger man.

"I would do nothing to hurt you, Light," the man said again.

"Shut up." He's had enough of that comment. That _and_ his professions of love. What sort of sick, twisted person was he? Didn't Beyond realise that his very nature was hurting him?

Light turned his body away so he couldn't see, but the smell of smoke still lingered. He had already long associated that smell with Beyond, and his somewhat sweet, musky scent he adored.

That thought made his heart clench. He'd just plainly admitted to the man he loved him, and yet—how could Light accept what he had done? Light was a man who firmly believed in justice, despised murderers, and criminals. But Beyond _was_ one.

What had been his purpose in killing that man, anyway? Beyond had never explained it, but Light knew. The murdering was done in cold blood. Beyond had asked Light himself to tempt that man who had died to follow him. The man hadn't, which was probably a mistake, and had confronted Beyond instead, leading to his bloody end.

Light had seen everything. He had run in just in time to see Beyond bashing the man's skull in, and the sight had truly horrified him.

He had seen countless bloody, sickening crime scenes as a detective before. Light had always been unfazed. However, nothing prepared him for the violence of an actual murder, seeing it right in front of his eyes. Nothing could have prepared him for how carnal and gory the entire thing was, the way Beyond gritted his teeth till his veins knotted in his neck. The way he had laughed afterwards.

It was as though he had become a different person. Not even a person, a fucking _demon_ —that, or a god of death.

And yet, despite all that, he couldn't think of being alone in a world without Beyond anymore. What would happen to him if the man really died? How would he recover from it ending so abruptly, after nearly two months of a torrid passion with this man?

Fuck, he felt like crying again. But that was fucking weak. Light wasn't a weakling. He was a genius, a very capable man with a job he was excellent at. And yet the thought of this man leaving him made him feel so empty. What was it called, this feeling? He doubted it something so terrible was fit to call _love._

He heard Beyond's footsteps coming closer and stopping at the foot of the bed. Light looked at him. He was quiet for a long moment, before speaking, his voice somewhat hoarse and subdued.

"You'll still... watch over me when I sleep, won't you?"

"Is that what Light wants?"

Light paused, then looked away. "...Yes."

Without a word, Beyond returned to his place on the bed, wrapping his arms around Light's vulnerable form.

When Light was at work the next day, he grew pensive and quiet during the discussion of the crime syndicate case he was on. He didn't even give feedback like he usually did with enthusiasm, so much so that his colleagues had noticed, especially Matsuda.

The rest of the night before, however, Beyond had gone on pretending as though nothing was unusual, being affectionate with Light, which he allowed still to some extent, but he never let him touch him too much. He found himself flinching slightly and brushing him away when he tried to kiss his mouth before he left for work. Beyond had kissed his forehead instead.

Light was still sad and angry, not even sure if it was aimed at Beyond, but he didn't show it. He was a master of hiding his emotions, after all.

Beyond had driven him to work as per their usual routine. Light had never said anything about letting him drive or not, but instead had discontinued their usual banter. The man noticed, but didn't say a thing to aggravate Light, telling him he would pick him up after work. He had nodded and plainly agreed without saying a word, heading to the NPA building to start his work as usual.

Despite him trying his best to remain calm and unassuming, Light couldn't help but be distracted.

It was a dangerous thing Light was doing. Light's sense of righteousness demanded that he turn Beyond in, and ignore the fact he _loved_ the man. He was a murderer, for God's sakes, and Light was a detective. This sort of entanglement he had gotten into would only end horribly. It already had, because when the man died from his hands in front of Light's eyes, he really felt as though something inside him had been broken.

Besides, it was his job to put people like Beyond behind bars, wasn't it? What was his entire life and career for, if it wasn't for that purpose?

And yet, no matter how many times Light had _threatened_ that he would turn him in after Beyond made several mistakes, Light had never actually done such a thing. Because his _feelings_ always got in the way.

Feelings. Fucking _feelings_ , Light thought bitterly.

He was slightly startled when Matsuda tapped his shoulder at his desk during lunch break, turning around and giving a fake, placid smile to his friend.

"How are you doing, Light-kun? You haven't talked much today, have you?"

"I'm... fine."

Matsuda looked at him, rubbing his chin and giving Light a sympathetic look, lowering his voice to a hush. "Are you sick? Uh... is it problems with Rue-san, Light-kun? It's okay, you can tell me. I might not be able to help, but I can at least give you a listening ear, if you need it. I'm your friend for a reason, right?"

Despite Matsuda's somewhat comforting words, he was still distracted, attempting to look busy by re-reading his case files, but all that ran through his mind was—what had he done to deserve such a thing? Why was he letting this affect his work?

Wasn't he supposed to be the best at his job?

Wasn't it stupid to let it affect him like this?

"...Yes, it's problems with Rue-san. I can't do anything, though." He gave him a tired smile, "Thank you for caring, Matsuda-san."

"Please don't get depressed, okay?"

"I'm not the sort of person to get depressed, so don't worry."

"Um... well, I don't intend to make you angry, but Light-kun, you're smart and perfect in everything, but... you're only human, aren't you?"

...Something clicked in Light's brain.

He realised what he had to do.

"Yeah, I am." Light stood up and left promptly, leaving Matsuda to blink and stare.

"Light-kun-"

Light ignored the man calling to him, taking the elevator to the chief's office.

He knocked twice, and barely even waited for his father to answer before simply barging in, seeing him, Mogi and Aizawa in a discussion—presumably about the B case, or the organised crime syndicate—Light had never bothered to know.

But he had to tell this now. Tell someone _something_ , at least, clear his mind and conscience of something he had been holding back since forever.

"What is it, Light?" His father questioned, looking at Light oddly because his son had never done anything so rash as barging in without permission before.

"I—I know it isn't my place to say, Dad, but I have a new lead for the B case."

Soichiro seemed genuinely surprised, because he had thought his son had given up on the fact that anyone, especially the deputy director, was going to give him a place in the more tough cases after what had transpired. He did find it odd that his son had grown disinterested, just like _that_. According to his younger colleagues, Light seemed to be perfectly fine doing the more mediocre cases he had been assigned to. He had been taking it all in stride, they said.

"That again, Light-kun?" Aizawa asked him, "But the deputy chief personally reprimanded you, put you out of that case-"

"I know, but you have to believe me." Light looked at his father instead, a hint of pleading in his tone.

None of them had seen Light this desperate before, the young man having always been a calm, collected character.

Light continued, brushing his hair behind his ear, fidgeting somewhat uncharacteristically. He didn't even know what was up with him, his masks being dropped, "...I'm an eyewitness. I saw the murderer B kill in front of my eyes yesterday."

Light's breath stuck in his throat afterwards. He had said it. Strangely, he didn't feel... _anything_ after saying it. He had thought he would feel a burden off his shoulders.

He had even thought he would be elated about it. As though it would spite Beyond.

Instead, he felt bitter and guilty. But there was no way of retracting his words, or running out now that he had said it.

"That's-" Soichiro's eyes widened slightly, "Light, I hope you understand what you are doing, Son. Mogi, please record Light's testimony now."

"Yes, chief." Mogi scrambled to grab the laptop, turning it on and opening the case file, ready to transcript Light's witness account.

"You can start, Light-kun," the man said.

"I was with a friend, his name is Rue-" Light pretended not to notice Aizawa's subtly surprised look, who no one noticed aside from him, flawlessly disguising the shakiness in his voice. "We arrived at Ruby Room in the Shibuya area at approximately 11.50 pm, yesterday, 28 October, Saturday. We were in there for about an hour, when I saw a suspicious looking man at the bar," A complete and utter _lie_ , "-Talking to a man in a grey t-shirt with an Iron Cross pendant. It looked like they were arguing over something, and it got violent. They ended up brawling, but the suspicious man lost control of himself, and used a crystal ashtray to bash his head in and he... killed him."

"Go on."

"The suspicious man looked in my direction, and I realised he had red eyes, and—the only person who I know has those eyes is...well, B. His face was the same as I recalled. It was difficult to see because of the lights, but I'm very certain of this fact that it is him. He... ran away before I could do anything."

"Will your friend Rue be able to testify this as well?"

"Actually, no, because he took the first flight back to his home country at 9 this morning. Aizawa's seen him before."

Soichiro looked at the man, who responded in stride. "Well, yeah, me and Matsuda visited Light when he was sick that one day, more than a month ago—his friend Rue had been staying with him. But I'm very certain there will be more witnesses if it's in a nightclub like the Ruby Room, even if his friend is unable to testify."

Mogi suddenly spoke after having checking something. "Chief, there has indeed been a murder last night in Ruby Room. The report came in a few hours ago. The victim had been wearing an Iron Cross and a grey t-shirt, which fits Light's description. And an ashtray was used as a murder weapon as well-"

"Send some men to interview the bartenders, bouncers, patrons—do everything," Soichiro ordered. "Tell the forensics department that the fingerprints and DNA samples from the crime scene have to be treated as first priority."

"Yes, chief."

The two men left, leaving Soichiro and his son alone. There was a short silence before the older man spoke.

"I didn't know you were into that sort of lifestyle, Light, going to a bar like that. I know you're young, but... it's rather surprising."

"My friend is a foreigner, and...he wanted to know what the night life was like in Japan, so I indulged him." Light smiled sheepishly at his father.

"How come you've never told me you had a friend living with you before?" His father asked.

"I thought it was unnecessary," Light said, "I didn't want to bother you. He's my friend, after all. And I didn't think anything would happen last night, I mean—we just wanted to have some fun before he left this morning, that's all, and then... such a _thing_ happened. I didn't expect it, honestly. And Rue-san... he had already scheduled his flight back home a month beforehand, so he couldn't just stay here to be an eyewitness. But it was really gruesome seeing someone actually kill in front of me. That's why I was so nervous." Light looked at him apologetically, putting on a perfect mask of false emotion, "I'm sorry, dad."

"I understand, Light."

"I'll go back to work now."

Light excused himself, closing the door behind him.

He walked towards the nearest bathroom. He closed the stall door, put down the toilet seat and just sat there, his eyes wide with guilt for having even done that.

He had turned into a big fat fucking _liar_.

Light had meant to tell them the complete truth about Beyond, but he lied once and had to cover up with another lie, and another—until everything, he thought, in his whole life was a huge mess of lies.

Rue and B were the same person. Light wondered how long it would take for the police to find out—or maybe they never would.

Despite what Light had told Matsuda earlier—how he would never become depressed over some fucking relationship problem, it was slowly becoming true. Light felt guilty as all hell, because he realised he shouldn't have said all that—that he had done all of that out of spite. What was going to happen _now_?

Light wrung his hands, then grabbed at his own hair, trying not to break down in such a place, because he wasn't _pathetic_.

He was Yagami Light.

He was an NPA agent who was several steps above the rest. He was an amazing person, an extremely gifted individual who everyone had a high opinion of, and of course, he deserved every bit of it. He was arrogant, but he felt it was well deserved.

He never broke down.

Especially not after doing something he should have done in the first place. He was never meant to be entangled in this sort of mess. He had to cleanse himself of everything first before he could find some peace, because his heart was beating so fast and his chest had started to hurt.

After several moments, Light recollected himself like the proper young man, the bright NPA agent, he was, getting out of the cubicle and washing his face and hands. He dried his skin off with paper towels, and righted his appearance so he appeared flawless once more.

This was _him_.

No one could change it.

When Beyond picked him up in the car as usual, he noticed something very odd. Light seemed to appear completely normal, unaffected, even smiling at him, and yet his eyes were cold and shifty.

Cold, which was unlike they had ever been before. Cold, and fucking _guilty_. Light could play around with masking his emotions, but his pretty brown eyes were so expressive. Beyond thought of how naïve Light was to think he could disguise anything from Beyond.

Compared to Beyond, Light was a fucking innocent _boy_. And he couldn't hide anything from him no matter how much he tried.

He parked the car in the lot beside Light's apartment. They got out together and walked back to his home. Beyond was still watching him from behind, observing Light as he took off his shoes, locked the door and placed them neatly on the rack, about to go to his bedroom-but Beyond stopped him by grasping his hand, pushing him roughly against the wall. The resounding _crack_ of Light's head against the plaster rung through the criminal's ears.

Light gasped in pain, lashing out at him, attempting to wring himself away from Beyond forcefully. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, bastard?"

Beyond stared at him, loosening a hold on Light's frame, taking off his brown wig and contacts and revealing his usual red eyes and black hair. He smiled at Light unnervingly.

"You know how they say eyes are the window to one's soul, Light?"

"...Yeah, but I think that's a fucking cheesy and pointless phrase used by _idiots_. What the _fuck_ did you slam me against the wall for, huh?" Light hissed, annoyed and hurt.

He felt the spit sparks of fear too, because the last time Beyond hurt him was when he'd choked him and that was nearly two months ago. Judging by how violent his behaviour had been—there was no saying he wouldn't hurt Light too.

"Shh..." Beyond dropped his wig and contacts on the floor, long fingers slipping into Light's hair and massaging the sore spot on his skull rather lovingly, "It's just this, Light. Let me tell you what I've been thinking. You see, the reason why I'm perfect with disguises is that—I think I'm going to be completely honest here, darling—is because I don't even know if I have human emotions anymore. And I think you know very well the reason why. Don't you, _baby_? And yet, I've managed to fall in love with you. What does that make me, huh?"

Light flinched slightly at the way he called him 'darling' and 'baby', unsure if he even meant it.

"That... just means you're still human, I suppose," Light said calmly, trying not let his fear show on his face.

"You think so? But a human being's eyes are really expressive, aren't they?" Beyond stared into his eyes, boring into him with his red irises. "And mine really aren't. They haven't been since forever. Do you know what I'm thinking, baby?"

Light faltered a moment, looking, before answering brusquely, "No. And don't fucking call me that, I'm not your _baby._ "

Beyond ignored the remark. "I'm actually feeling pretty pensive, Light. I'm not the type of guy to look thoughtful, aren't I?"

"I... I suppose not."

"Well then, ask me if I know what you're thinking."

Light swallowed.

"...Go on, darling."

Light rolled his eyes when he used the pet name again, because he had a feeling that he was being sarcastic instead of _pensive_ like he said. He mock-repeated in a half-hearted attempt to placate him. "Do you know what I'm thinking, B-san?"

"Yeah. I do actually. Your face tells me that you might be displeased with me, and I can understand why, but your eyes—yeah, they're a different case, aren't they? They're really expressive, do you know that? That means you're still completely human. An _innocent_. I can always see when you're hungry, angry or sad-" He caressed his cheek, "When you're needy for me...and countless other raw emotions. I like that I can read you. But most of all, Light, right now, at this very moment, your eyes are telling me that you're feeling very _guilty_."

Fuck.

Beyond continued. "You see, I love you a lot, Light, and you have no obvious reason to feel guilty for anything...so I wonder -what's the reason you're feeling that way?"

Light felt like he was taunting him. He hated it. He gritted his teeth, pushing at Beyond's chest. "Get away from me, bastard."

"Maybe something happened at work, darling? Did anyone make you feel bad?"

"No! Shut up!"

"What the fuck are you hiding from me, huh? Why are your eyes telling me you're guilty, Light? Guilty over what, huh? Did you fucking rat on me?"

"I didn't do anything of that sort! Stop threatening me, B-san, fucking control your temper—"

"I'm not threatening you. If you haven't done anything wrong, then you have no reason to feel guilty, yeah? What did you do, Light?" Beyond eyed him down possessively, bright red pupils blazing, "You told your father you were harbouring me, is that it? Are they around us and going to ambush anytime soon then throw me into prison, huh? You know that I'm just going to escape _again_."

"I didn't fucking do _that_! Why won't you believe me?"

"Because you're hiding things from me, Light, it's plenty obvious, and you're not answering my question."

"You know what? Fuck you."

Light wrung his body away forcefully from Beyond, frowning at him witheringly. He went to the bedroom, shaken but masking it the best he could, not wanting him to have leverage over the situation. He took off his shirt, redressing into more comfortable clothes hastily, intending to just go to bed and ignore Beyond. He didn't want to argue with him anymore, because what might spill out of his mouth scared him.

He was just about finished tugging his shorts on, raking his fingers through his hair when Beyond pushed him onto the bed, pinning him against the headboard.

"That's a sign of a guilty conscience, I see," Beyond said acidly, "Avoiding me and thinking I'll just fucking forget it."

"It's your fault, you bastard, you're the one who hasn't been truthful to me, either! You've avoided answering me so many times before, have you forgotten, B-san? Why am I suddenly the one who's being blamed?"

"I'm not blaming you, I just want to hear the honest truth from your mouth."

Light growled and struggled beneath him, kicking at Beyond's shin hard and punched him in the mouth. The abrupt pain made Beyond cup his face from the sting. He stared at Light, bewildered at the suddenness.

" _I—have never fucking lied to you_! Get off! Stop accusing me!" Light spat, frustrated and angered, tears coming to his eyes as he pushed Beyond off him, "I want you to _get out_! I never want to see you again!"

The red-eyed man was slowly recovering from the shock of Light hitting him, rubbing his sore mouth.

"You don't want to see me again?"

"No!" Light breathed heavily, wiping his face furiously, trying not to break down again.

"You're lying aren't you?"

"I'm—I'm not! Stop fucking assuming you play such a huge role in my life when you're—you're... fucking _insignificant_ -"

"What if you really don''t see me again, Light?"

"Stop trying to guilt trip me, fucking bastard, I've had enough of your games!"

"Come on, now, just answer me with a simple yes or no. You told someone, didn't you? It's a simple question."

Beyond was pulling him onto his lap all of a sudden, Light on top of him in a straddle, the sudden movement making him startle and grasp onto his shoulders to steady himself.

"Stop this, B-san!"

"Tell me, Light. You knew what you were getting into by letting yourself get involved with me, didn't you?" He asked him placidly, red eyes boring into him, cupping Light's face gently.

"Of course I knew, but you're making me regret everything I worked for-"

"That's pretty regrettable in itself, Light. Your job is just a job, it's not who you are. Besides, I've come to realise I wanted to live with you in peace forever."

"...Your fucking _nature_ won't let that happen!"

Beyond paused.

"I won't deny that."

Beyond's hands were beginning to stroke and roam over his thighs, slipping under Light's t-shirt and stroking his soft stomach, and further up, his hands touching over the places he had, countless many other times.

Light gripped his wrist, stopping him. "What do you think you're doing, huh? You wanted to _fuck_ me again, is that it?" he muttered icily, "You think I'm going to let you? When you've spent the entire time accusing me-"

Beyond cut him off. "Because my accusations are a true fact. I hate fighting with you. Besides, no one is coming to arrest me yet—and if they are, I'm going to spend the last time with you making things right."

"No one is coming, B-san," Light responded placidly, still unsure if he wanted to let Beyond do what he wanted with him. It all slipped out suddenly because he just didn't _care_ anymore. "-Because all I told the chief was I witnessed a murder last night in the nightclub with _Rue-san,_ and the murderer was B. No more, no less."

Beyond grinned at that honesty. Fucking finally.

"See, that wasn't difficult was it? I'm glad to see you're being honest. Still, what you've been hiding from me is pretty anti-climatic, darling. Just _that_ , and you felt so guilty? This is why I adore you, Light, you're so completely _innocent_ , and ...you're a really good person. I thought you were hiding something horrible from me, but that's pretty tame. But the fact that I made you hide a secret, which is _me_ , shows how much of a bad influence I am on you."

Beyond's long fingers traced the bite wound that he had made on Light the night before. It was healing, the tenderness making Light flinch at the touch.

"Yeah, you're horrible, B-san," Light responded defiantly. "I had to say _something_. I wanted to spite you."

"It wasn't very effective, Light. You should have decided on something even more extreme if you wanted to properly spite me."

"Unlike you, I have fucking restraints and boundaries-"

"Which is a pity, isn't it?"

" _You're_ the pitiful one, B-san."

"That's right. How can I deny this? Do you feel bad for me?"

"No, because you're _infuriating_ , and you deserve-"

Beyond suddenly cut him off with a heated kiss, with tongue and teeth and making Light gasp at how passionate and sudden it was. It was obvious he had caught him off guard, because he gripped at Beyond's shoulders, fighting to push him off. He was a horrible man and kept on trying to manipulate him, and yet his kisses were so good that it made him wither.

Light felt his hot tongue trace over his bottom lip, opening his mouth instead of pushing him away, feeling the hot slick muscle slide in.

Light bit down on it hard.

Beyond jerked somewhat, and pulled away, his tongue bleeding and Light looked at him triumphantly.

"You wanted to play rough, huh?" Beyond asked him, grinning.

Light glared at him. "No, I don't. I don't feel like kissing you anymore. I don't want to do anything with you."

And yet, Beyond still had his hands on his hips, securing him down, even as Light struggled to get off his lap, the man beginning to tug off his shirt and began pressing bloody kisses all along his jaw and neck, all of which made the younger man gasp at how he was dirtying him. Beyond's blood and saliva were all over his sun-kissed skin, the fact which made him push on his shoulders harder.

What the fuck did he think he was doing to him?

"I told you, I don't want it anymore-"

"Aren't you angry at me, Light? Don't you want to hit me for being a bastard?" When Beyond grinned, Light could see the blood on his teeth like he was enjoying it, the fact which suddenly made him regret biting down, because he should have known.

Beyond was so _sick_.

And even though he was thinking that, Light was cupping Beyond's face and pulling him into another heated kiss. The red-eyed man readily responded, hungry as his long fingers caressed Light's soft skin, stroking over his back and waist and stomach, over the pink nubs of sensitive flesh and rubbing over them.

Beyond was laughing, but Light silenced him again by biting on the man's bottom lip roughly.

"You shut up, B-san," he muttered, watching in delight he made Beyond bleed again, a sort of unhealthy fascination in making Beyond suffer and bleed that was beginning to show itself in Light.

Light stared at him, watching him in pain, the way he licked up his own blood, and he felt as though Beyond deserved it. Fuck him, Light didn't care.

"You like seeing me in pain, baby?"

"Whatever. Let me go!"

"No, you look like you're hungry. You want to be fed something, don't you?"

"The fuck are you talking about—AH!" Light gasped as Beyond roughly ripped his shorts and underwear off his frame, making him sit naked on his lap and stuck his fingers into his own mouth and coated them with saliva, then promptly stuck two wet digits into his sore little hole.

"Fucking wait, you _sonofabitch_ , you're so fucking impatient, B-san!"

Beyond ignored him as he began to fuck his fingers roughly into his little hole until he loosened up and began to whimper, to which he did after several minutes of the somewhat frantic abuse.

Light tried to stop him, attempting to pry his hand away from his hip, but it was too late and it was too _good_. Beyond had found his spot and was abusing it, raking his long fingers right into the sensitive ball of nerves that had his cock twitching to life, aroused beyond words at his rough ministrations.

"What's the matter, Light? Go on, you wanted to smack me for being a bastard, huh? You want to fuck me up, is that it?"

With each maddening word he was jutting his fingers roughly deep into Light's body, making him moan and get hot from it.

"You're a fucking bastard, I should hate you—AH! _Don't_ , not right there-!"

"I'm not stopping you from hating me. It would make it easier on you when I die."

Light jerked in his hold, whimpering and his eyes widening at what he was saying. "Why are you torturing me, B-san? What are you saying?-Hnn!"

"I hurt you, don't you? Why don't you hurt me back, huh? Haven't I given you enough reason to do it?"

Beyond watched in delight as Light squirmed on his lap, his long fingers piercing him deeply from beneath, reaching to the drawer to pick out the small tube of lubricant and pushed the small tip inside Light. He emptied half of the contents inside, making him wet, the fact which made Light squirm and writhe harder, gripping onto Beyond's shoulders hard and nails digging in his skin till he bled.

"I'm really going to fuck _you_ up if you don't do anything about me," Beyond growled.

"Y-You don't fucking rule me, bastard—hnngh!"

"Is that so? How about this, huh?"

Beyond undid the front of his jeans, pulling his thick, straining cock out, lubing it up and promptly began to pull Light down on his cock all the way by his hips—just like that, hard and demanding.

Light gasped and half-screamed.

"F-Fucker! D-Don't put it in all the way so fast—nng, AH!"

"No? You don't like it? I thought you always liked my cock ramming hard in you," Beyond growled, hitching his hips up and began to fuck him like that. Light's eyes rolled somewhat trying to keep up with the pace, his body being thrown into the mad rhythm and jutted up like he was a rag doll, made to submit to the man's wild desires in the most demeaning fashion.

"Don't—ah! F-Fuck, I can't when you—AH! Do it like that!"

"You're fucking angry at me, aren't you? Why don't you put me in my place?" Beyond snarled, practically salivating in hunger and desire, watching Light's pretty body jerk and arch, his cock bobbing up and down as he was made to ride him. "Huh? I'm really going to tear you open if you don't stop me- I'm a fucking monster, aren't I?"

Light's eyes were beginning to water.

He was still so hot, though. Beyond just wasn't doing it right. He was fucking taunting him, and Light wanted to smack him and yell and tell him to fuck him properly like he always had-

What was he turning into? His little cock slave? Because he wasn't-

And who the fuck did Beyond think he was?

Light felt terribly delirious from the pain and pleasure, being thrown into the rhythm and impaled on his thrusting, impossibly thick cock, feeling the entire girth pump and pulse within him, the heat which liquefied him.

And then, all of a sudden, Beyond was stopping for a moment as though to adjust their positions, and Light grabbed Beyond and pushed the man down onto the mattress. There was a sound of a thud of Beyond's head against the headboard initially, and Light grinned at it.

That, he thought, was payback for Beyond slamming him against the wall as though he was his property. Which he wasn't.

He used that leverage to grab at Beyond's throat, pressing his thumbs against his windpipe and choked him.

"I could fucking kill you right now, B-san," Light growled dangerously, his face still flushed pink, his taut muscles still making a tight sheath for Beyond's cock.

"Yeah? At least make me die happy by letting me cum first."

Beyond was grinning at him, taunting him, the man quickly running out of breath.

Light's eyes widened and he realised what he had been doing, his hands quickly pulling away, but Beyond's hands were on his again.

"Why don't you finish what you started, Light? Do it. Fucking choke me and ride me."

Light understood his intention. "You're _sick_ -"

"You're sick too, baby, getting hot from seeing me bleed." Beyond laughed, "I told you I can read you. It might be my bad influence on you, Light."

" _Shut up!_ "

Light pinned him down on his back as hard as he could, pulling his body up and down on the man's cock, his mouth open slightly with his building desire, his breath coming in pants, whimpering slightly. "Ah—hnn!"

The man lifted his hips into him from below, watching Light do as he pleased, his pretty face pinked.

"You're on top of me and yet you're still so fucking submissive."

"Shut up—AH!" The way he rolled his hips made him hit an especially good spot, doing it over and over again, his head thrown back, slick inner muscles milking his stiff girth.

"You can't keep me from talking unless you choke me while you're riding me all pretty like that."

Beyond was smirking.

"Come on, baby, do something _exciting_ for once-"

Light slapped him hard, which made the man beneath him reel slightly. "I said, shut the fuck up."

"Is that so?" Beyond taunted, recovering fast, grabbing his slender hips and grinding hard into that spot, which had him writhing.

"Ah—AH!"

"Want me to shut the fuck up, is that it? Use your imagination, Light." Then Beyond ground out when Light didn't comply, "I could fucking throw you off and fuck you into the mattress till you scream-"

Light _snapped_.

The younger man knocked his hands away from his hips, his face angered and lusty, maddened, his hands wrapped around Beyond's throat and giving in, _actually_ giving in and choking him, pressing down his thumbs and fingers hard into his windpipe and blocking the air from going into Beyond's lungs.

He began to ride him hard, lusty groans and pants coming from his sweet mouth as though possessed with desire.

"You've always been like this, you fucker-" Light snarled, riding his stiff cock hard with so much fervour, "AH!—Trying to drive me up against the wall with your antics, you _pervert_ , getting off on being choked-"

"...I've never met anyone as sick and perverted as you—nnhg-You like this, B-san?"

His muscles clamped shut on his member so hard.

Beyond's breaths were growing raspy and horrible sounding, but Light didn't care.

"You like me riding you, don't you? _Bastard_ , taunting me—AHH, all the fucking time... I hate it so much-"

Light's cock was weeping, drooling with so much precum and staining the front of Beyond's shirt.

His red eyes were starting to water, the whites of them turning red and his face getting rather flushed as only received choked breaths of air.

And yet, the man was smirking and grinning, unable to answer with the obstruction. It infuriated Light so badly.

"You like seeing me like this, don't you B-san?" His fingers tightened around his neck, surely leaving a bruise on his pale skin. "HAH—It's your fault, doing what you want, hnn, making me into a bastard like you-"

Beyond rasped something, his face incredibly flushed by this point.

"I can't _hear_ you, Beyond-"

The man at this point was starting to struggle beneath Light, genuinely unable to breathe, the fact making his red, watery eyes roll into the back of his head.

The fact that Light was beginning to take on some of his characteristics were starting to make him feel really horny. He had no manner of gloating, however. His orgasm was beginning to build soon, his cock twitching and throbbing within Light's body.

Beyond's hands clawed at Light's, but they were unyielding, and he attempted to choke Light's name.

"It feels so good inside me, B-san,-hnn, it's twitching inside me, B-san, ahh—you're leaking inside me, you're close, aren't you?" Light whispered erotically, even his dirty talk fucking adorable to Beyond's ears, as much as he could register it, smirking somewhat down at him as he rode him harder.

"You wanted me to control you this time, didn't you B-san? Do I—nngh!- _Please_ you?"

Beyond nodded hazily, before he was convulsing beneath him, writhing and jerking as though to get his hands off his throat, already completely losing his breath and nearly blacking out.

He came in deep, hot spurts intensely inside Light's delicious body.

It was only then that Light was letting his throat go, the younger man's face flushed with pleasure as he rode his own orgasm, the man's thick cock still completely stiff from still being milked by his tight, wet muscles.

He lifted his hips off, his cock sliding out with a wet sound, warm cum dribbling down from his pucker and over his thighs. He stayed seated on Beyond's thighs, legs somewhat weak.

Light watched Beyond gasp and breath heavily, coughing, clutching onto his bruised throat, but he seemed so fucking content with himself, even as dirtied as he was with the mix of their semen and sweat and blood on his skin and clothes.

He truly was a _sick bastard_.

He didn't think he minded, though. He only had him. Light could look past his flaws... because he could finally admit he wanted and loved B. The man had finally heard it from his own mouth.

Light was about to say all this, when B was suddenly grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in for a hungry kiss. The younger man returned it just as hungrily, before Beyond suddenly pulled away, still coughing.

"Good," he wheezed, "That was fucking good... That's why I love you so much, Light... Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I am fucking _spectacular_." Beyond's voice still sounded somewhat pathetic, but he learnt to mask it. The man grinned.

"Light, say it to me again."

"Hm?"

"Say that you love me. I want to hear it."

"What for?"

"You've only said it once. I'm needy too, you know? And I've said it to you so many times I've lost count."

Light relented after a long moment. "...I love you, B-san."

"Come here." Beyond opened his arms up for Light, kissing the top of his head.

A few moments again, he spoke, rather playfully, "...Want me to fuck you again, Light?"

"What? -Hey!"

Light yelped and then laughed when Beyond pinned him down on his back again, the sound saccharine to his ears.

"Hahaha—" Another kiss, "Hey, mnh, your throat's all bruised, B-san..."

Light's smile was so _sweet_ it ached his once unfeeling heart.

He wanted to burn that image in his mind forever, so if he was really going to Hell, at least his beautiful face still kept him in his memory. At least that could keep him sane and human, the fact he had loved Light.

The fact that he could still make him smile.

Beyond had done so many things that had hurt Light, and made him cry—and yet, despite it, Light had forgiven him. He truly was a good person, and Beyond was the opposite, bad, horrible, rotten...

That he could make him smile was better than parting with him on bad terms—at least he could still make him happy for one last time.

And the fact that Light was unsuspecting, still _naïve_ about the whole thing-

Beyond kept on smiling, then nipped the column of his neck gently, answering, "Yeah, I know. It's your mark on me."

"I think I'm tired, B-san," Light said playfully, a sparkle of liveliness in his eyes.

"Liar." Beyond pushed his legs open, preparing to make love to him again, "Sweet, beautiful liar...the only person I could live for besides myself."

"Hey, B-san, wait, ah-"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

* * *

Light was still sleeping deeply when he stirred at 5.30 a.m.

Beyond got up quietly, cleaned himself up and dressed. He didn't put any disguises on this time. He took a pen and paper and began to write a letter to Light. He was done in a matter of minutes.

He placed that letter beneath the clock on the side table.

He looked under the bed for the suitcase, pulling it out and pressing in the security lock, checking the NANBU M60 pistol he had kept from before.

Beyond tugged on his coat, returning to Light's side and stroked his hair out of his face. Light didn't stir because he was tired, he supposed, breathing shallowly. The man kissed his forehead as a final goodbye.

He didn't look back when he left.

He arrived at the luxury hotel in a taxi. The security never checked Beyond's briefcase. He specifically had requested for room thirteen on the thirteenth floor.

The fact that he paid full in cash in large bills seemed to let the staff keep quiet about his suspicious face, and the generous tips as well. Finally, he was left alone. Beyond kicked off his shoes and socks, peeling off his coat and making himself feel comfortable. He lit a final cigarette and had one last drink.

Beyond took the switch-blade he hid in his pocket, rolling up his sleeves.

He held his right arm out, carefully digging the sharp end of the blade into his flesh and vein, making the blood trickle out into an empty glass of wine. Beyond never winced, having been hardened to the pain because back in that damned hospital they kept poking into his median cubital vein to give him injections, sedatives and blood samples alike.

That seemed like so long ago.

When he was done bleeding out, he wrapped the wound tightly with a ripped piece of cloth from the hotel bedsheets. He dipped a finger, standing on the bed so he could reach the high wall and began to write, in big, grotesque, bloody letters.

_I am B._

He grinned widely at his handiwork, then washed the glass of blood out and his hands, sitting on the armchair with the non-automatic pistol loaded on his lap.

Beyond waited for the time.

8 a.m.

He put the gun in his mouth. Unlatched the safety with his thumb.

Outside, the loud exploding sound seemed to serve as a waking call for every patron of the hotel.


	9. Roads

Light stirred at seven in the morning when his alarm clock rang. He was still somewhat tired, but it was nothing a quick cup of coffee and shower wouldn't fix.

His arm flopped onto the side of bed that Beyond was always on, and instead of hitting the man's warm flesh as he usually did, he merely hit the soft covers, _cold_ , which meant the man had left a while ago. Light was startled awake, rubbing his eyes, looking around for any traces of him.

Beyond would usually be standing at the edge of the bed—or at the entrance of the door, or simply lying there beside him with a book with a cigarette hanging in his mouth when Light had to wake up for work. He would greet him with a 'good morning', or if he was in his better moods, would actually wake him up with a kiss.

Light secretly enjoyed the ways he woke him up with—despite pretending that he was annoyed by it, because Beyond would simply placate him and pull him into an embrace. It always made him feel better to feel his arms around him and his improved mood was always brought with him to work as well.

But Beyond wasn't there. All the traces of him were gone, including the smell of cigarettes from the apartment and his clothes and things. He frowned.

When Light realised there was a letter on the side table and Beyond's neat scrawl on it, addressed to him, he grabbed it and pulled it open.

"Hello, Light.

If you're reading this, it would be best to assume I am dead.

This is not a suicide note, Light. You have to understand this before you continue.

If things have gone according to plan, I will have died in Bates Hotel today at 8 am, Floor 13, Room 13. You can figure out why I chose that particular location to die—I thought it was symbolic.

Maybe that's why I loved your name, Light.

It is 100% up to you to tell anyone who I was. I ask of you not to be rash, however, and consider the best for yourself, even with that damned justice driven mind of yours. Think of how your actions could benefit you, not slow you down.

The last thing I want my death to do is to slow you down.

Light, you are perfect.

I know what you're thinking, Light. If you were with me right now, you'd call me a bastard and be your usual righteous self and ask me to stop what I'm doing. You may not understand, but it is something I am obliged to do.

People like me were meant to die young. I know an analytical mind like yours would disprove of things like fate—and say that a person's life is self-determined and self-driven, but the fact that I was born with these supernatural eyes goes against that.

I can tell you what my eyes do, but the true horror has always been carried as a burden all by me. I'm perfectly fine being a horror myself, you already know this.

I am telling you the truth when I say I had to die before I hurt you any further. You of all people know what it would be like if I remained. We would have gone down a destructive path together and I would have corrupted you badly. You're such a good person that it would be horrible of me to do such.

It's not to say I have taken your feelings lightly. In fact, you're the only person whose feelings and thoughts I'll ever consider before my death.

I love you, Light. Hearing that you loved me too made my life complete.

You shouldn't be too sad or blame yourself for my death. You know I'm a bad person, I'll be better off dead.

The fact is, I am already at peace with myself and the fact that I'm going to end my life soon.

Remember the five things I wanted to do before I die, Light?

I wanted to live in a comfortable place, eat the best meal in my entire life, visit my big brother, make love to a beautiful woman, and blow my brains out.

Living with you was comfortable enough. I liked it, the fact that you came home to me, or I came home to you. It made things feel normal. I liked eating what you cooked for me, because there was at least some flavour and thought in what you made for me.

However, even someone like me would have difficulty accomplishing that entire list, because I haven't talked to my brother in years. His name is L Lawliet. The last I recalled, he became a professor at Wammy's House in England, which is where we received our formative education. Maybe he doesn't use that name anymore—but anyone who actually knows his real name would be rather noteworthy.

L isn't my real brother, as you could probably deduce.

I idolised him. He might have thought it was excessive, but I'm a very devoted person. You know this.

I'd like him to know that I'm dead. This is not out of spite. I still love my brother. You could do me a favour and inform him, but only if you're willing. This isn't a necessity. You are not obliged to do anything.

Even if so, I have prepared the set of instructions on how to get there should you want to do it.

I didn't need to make love to a beautiful woman because I had you, Light.

Don't be sad that I am dead. I'm not.

Go on and pick yourself up and don't cry over me. You've shed enough tears over me, enough to tell me how much of a monster I am. You don't have to waste more of your life over memories of me—enough is enough. You've told me that once, so you should start believing in that yourself.

Go to work and do what you're best at. Do what pleases you the most, don't let me get in your way.

I love you."

Light shook terribly as he held the letter in his fingers.

Beyond was _dead._

The bastard hadn't even signed the letter off. But he supposed that was a rational thing to do, he was B after all, but _still-_

Light was numb, he had no idea what to think or do. It was 7.20 am now, if he rushed to Bates Hotel-

But that was impossible, because that hotel was on the other side of the city, and it would take an hour and thirty minutes at least to reach there with the traffic at this hour. By that time...it was nearly impossible to accomplish. Beyond had planned this, perhaps a bit too casually. What the fuck was he supposed to do once he got there? Light thought, cradle Beyond Birthday's dead, blood soaked body to himself and weep?

What was Light supposed to say? If anyone had known he had been harbouring a criminal, he would be charged. Light didn't want to ruin his perfect, clean record, no matter how close it was to his heart.

Beyond had made it obvious he wanted to die.

He had held him close last night after he had made love to him and made him laugh for the last time. That fact _hurt_.

After a long moment of staring at the paper, he shakily folded it and pretended he hadn't touched it. Light proceeded to get up and shower, changed into his usual clothes for work and had some coffee, trying not to let his hands tremble.

Nothing could change how cold he felt, though.

He walked past the letter on the bed again when he wanted to grab his keys and wallet and briefcase, part of him wanting to throw it away and never see it _again_ -

Light was about to leave his house and do as he was obliged to every day, to simply not bother or think of it. He changed his mind at the last minute however, rushing back into the bedroom, grabbing the letter and stuffing it into his briefcase before driving towards work.

He stared at himself blankly in the rear-view mirror, feeling hollow when it flashed on the dashboard clock that it was 8 am, ignoring the strange twisting feeling in the bottom of his stomach. He managed to make it past the traffic, reaching work on time.

He was just _that close_ to breaking down, but he didn't show it to anyone. Light wore his perfect mask of indifference, because what could he say? What could he do about it?

That he was hurting because his— _male lover_ had left him forever and killed himself, and that person had been on the wanted list of criminals?

How would that reflect on him as a person in such a conservative society, as a detective? He was a police officer, for God's sakes. Light was supposed to be someone exemplary. In fact, he already _was_ someone exemplary in most people's eyes. He was perfect.

Beyond had told him so.

Light tried to rid himself of unwanted thoughts and the ache in his heart. The NPA detective did his paperwork as usual for a closed case, ignoring the noise the others were making around him, sipping his coffee rather mechanically, putting not much thought in what he was doing.

He finished up the paperwork soon enough, saved the files and sent it to his superiors, opening his briefcase to take out another file. He started working again, to check on new leads for a next case before anyone asked him to, always the hard-worker.

He realised distractedly he had taken out Beyond's letter, staring at the piece of paper in his hands.

He trembled again, feeling cold.

He was going to cry again shamelessly if no one stopped him.

"Hey, Light-kun?" Matsuda's cheery voice sounded from behind, having not noticed his friend's expression, "It's a great feeling finishing the syndicate case, isn't it? I've completed three-quarters of my paperwork too, it feels _awesome_ -"

"Is that so?" Light's voice was cracking, trembling and the paper crumpling in his hand.

"Yeah, hey, what's wrong with your voice?" Matsuda asked curiously, peeking around and actually seeing tears in Light's eyes. He'd never seen that before. The man's dark eyes widened.

"N-Nothing—I'm _fine_..."

Light looked away from Matsuda to try and mask his crying, but a choked, uncontrolled sob broke past his mouth and his shoulders began trembling.

Light had never cried in front of anyone other than Beyond. But that had been a completely different matter. Matsuda's eyes widened as the younger detective began to sob in front of him, tear drops falling from his pretty brown eyes and onto his shaking hands. Other people were beginning to turn around and look.

Matsuda felt horrible.

"Light-kun, you're not fine, you're _crying_ -"

"P-Please get me away from here, will you?" A rather ashamed look was beginning to set in Light's face at breaking down in such a place, Matsuda thinking vaguely that Light had no need to be ashamed.

Light was capable of such emotion after all. He—really hadn't seen him with such a strong reaction before, besides anger, annoyance and occasionally happiness—never _sadness_.

A part of Matsuda even thought he looked beautiful in tears, but it was... tragic to think that.

Matsuda nodded quickly, obliging his friend and helped him stand up, quickly bringing Light to the corner of the building which was quiet and deserted for privacy. The younger man was still clinging onto the rumpled piece of paper in his hands.

Matsuda wondered what was written inside there. Was it a love note—or a goodbye note from Rue-san?

"There, sit down, Light-kun, calm down, what's happening?" Matsuda asked him kindly, pushing him down onto the chair looking at him sheepishly, concerned, taking out a packet of tissue from his pocket and handing it to Light.

"I-I don't _know_ ," Light muttered brokenly, hiccuping, wiping at his face.

"You can tell me, please, I-" Matsuda patted his shoulder, looking at him gently, "I don't like to see you sad. It makes me sad too."

"Matsuda-san, you're my only friend, aren't you?"

The look on Light's face was heartbreaking as he said it.

Matsuda nodded furiously. "Y-Yes, I am. I'm your friend, Light-kun."

"Then you wouldn't hate me if I told you everything?"

"Why should I hate you, Light-kun? Is it about Rue-san? I swear if he hurt you, I'll beat him up, I don't care how strong he is-" Matsuda said rather over-zealously, protective of his friend.

Light nodded shakily at the first part, though he seemed very affected at the mention of the name Rue-san which frankly made the older police officer panic. He covered his face, and Matsuda looked at him sympathetically.

 _Would it be inappropriate to hug him?_ Matsuda thought. He hadn't seen Light this torn up before over an ex-lover before, like Misa, and the two had even gotten _engaged_. But it had been, perhaps, very different this time, because Rue had been a _man_ -

"Tell me, what did he do, Light-kun?"

Light's voice was choked. "H-He fucking went on and... _d-died..._ "

Matsuda's eyes widened considerably.

"Rue-san's _dead_?"

"He-" Light whispered brokenly, "-He killed himself. This morning. He only left me this." He showed him the piece of paper, the letter with the spidery neat scrawl he had been clutching onto.

Matsuda read the first few sentences and got the gist of it but couldn't read the rest, because they seemed to be rather intimate, meant for Light—and he certainly had understood what had gone on between the two of them.

"I'm sorry, Light-kun," he whispered, leaning in and not caring for propriety at the moment and promptly pulled Light into a comforting embrace. "I'm really, _really sorry_ -"

Matsuda continued to comfort him, hugging him tight, "-Light-kun should have called me from home and told me to come over to take care of you, you shouldn't have come to work, look at the state you're in, I'm _sorry_ -"

"I-I couldn't just stay there!" Light nearly screamed, grasping and clutching onto Matsuda's shoulders, crying into his shirt. "Everything in there reminds me of him-!"

"Shh—shh, Light-kun, it's okay..." Matsuda couldn't help but feel extremely horrible, wondering what sort of person Rue had been to have caused Light such a strong reaction like this. But a death was always horrible, and especially if it was Light's loved one, especially if no one else knew of their relationship but him and Aizawa-

"And y-you wanna know something, Matsuda-san?" Light whispered, hiccuping badly, grasping onto Matsuda tight, "I'm the bastard who should be blamed, I'm the one who got myself in this mess—I knew what sort of person he was, and I still— _still_ let him into my life..."

"Don't say that, Light-kun, you shouldn't regret anything... at least you loved him, didn't you?" Matsuda attempted to placate him.

"Y-Yeah, I did love him, I just told him yesterday, and he had to go and kill himself the next day-"

Matsuda could hardly believe the extent of the younger man's pain.

"You're my only friend, Matsuda-san," Light repeated shakily, trembling against him, "You won't tell anyone about this, will you?"

"No, never, I promise."

"Then you will never think badly of me, no matter what?"

Matsuda shook his head. "No, Light-kun is the best detective, best person and friend I've ever met."

"-Nonsense, I was never a good friend to you in the first place."

"But at least you tried, didn't you, Light-kun? For me as a friend... and a lover for your Rue-san?"

"I did, yeah." Light wiped his face, "He told me I could change him. I honestly thought I had."

"What about Rue-san did he need to change?" Matsuda asked him gently, "He—seemed like a good person, what's was wrong with him? He isn't a bad person, right? Maybe you could tell me, and I'll help you in any way I can."

"Rue-san... he-" Light swallowed, muttering thickly, forcing himself to say it.

"-He... was _B_."

Matsuda was stunned at the revelation. He wasn't sure he heard things right.

"W-What?"

"Don't— _don't_ tell me that I've been stupid, Matsuda-san, I know I've been stupid, harbouring a criminal like him, I knew I could get into jail for it—" Light said, voice weak, "But I did it all the same because I wanted him."

Matsuda was shocked to silence, so he let him talk.

"I wanted him, he—he was as smart as me, he was fearless and everything I wished for in a companion," Light babbled almost incoherently, pressing his face into Matsuda's shirt, "He was—an _amazing_ person, Matsuda-san, he was my _best friend_ , something I never had, he _knew_ me, even though he was a criminal, I just— _I loved him_ , and-"

And then Matsuda could only how tragic Light's story was, and it brought tears to the older detective's eyes. He had always been the sort of person who could sympathise with people, and Light was no different—because he had trusted him enough as a friend to tell him something like this, and he saw for himself how heartbroken Light seemed.

...Even if the man Light had loved had turned out to be this murderer escaped from the mental hospital.

Light's every emotion was so sincere it was almost painful to watch. It made Matsuda so sad for him, and he could do nothing but offer him a friend's hug and comfort.

"Light-kun," Matsuda pulled away, looking at Light in the eye, saying fiercely, "I'll _never_ tell. No one will ever know. You can trust me on this."

"Thank you," he mumbled, "I don't know what I should do next, Matsuda-san. I feel so _useless_. For the first time in my life—I'm useless."

"Light-kun, you're young and smart, don't think like that. You can do anything you wish to do next, just don't-" Matsuda whispered, "- _End up_ like Rue-san, please?"

Rue-san, who had been _B_ , Light's lover. Matsuda was still reeling.

God, that was—Light was a detective, and B had been a murderer. It was hard to wrap around his head, but Matsuda hated to see his friend still sad.

"...Rue-san wouldn't have liked to see you suffer."

"Yeah, he wouldn't, but he still left me," Light responded bitterly. "...I want him back."

"At least you have all these memories of him, didn't you?"

"-Yeah. But memories are nothing-"

"He would have wanted you to go on with your life."

"...He did say that in the letter."

"See? He cared for you. I also don't want to see you being all sad."

Light didn't respond.

"Matsuda-san?" He gave a watery smile to Matsuda after a long moment.

"Hmm?"

"I think I want to quit being a detective."

"Ah, that's-" Matsuda's eyes widened. He took a moment, trying to sort through all of this information, giving an understanding nod. "That's... something you should do, if you want. I respect your decision. If staying is making you hurt, then you should stop."

"I don't know how my father will react to this."

"Don't worry, I won't let him know the real reason why. I swear to protect you, Light-kun."

"Thank you."

"It's nothing, it's the best I could do... as a friend," Matsuda said to him, giving him a reassuring smile. "What do you intend to do from now on, Light-kun?"

"I—think I'm going to meet B-san's brother. That—it means I'm leaving Japan to find him and tell him that B is dead. I'm obliged to."

"B has a brother?" Matsuda asked him quizzically, wondering how much Light knew about the criminal.

"Yes, he is— _normal_ , though, B-san wrote. He is a professor in a gifted orphanage school in England."

"...Light-kun, you really are a good person, huh?"

"No, I'm not. Why would you say that?"

"You want to leave your job because you feel obliged to go halfway around the world and tell the brother of B that he is dead. I don't think someone like B would tell you that you were _obliged_ to do that. You're doing it out of love for him. You're doing it out of the memory of him, aren't you?"

"What else could I do? I can't stay here," Light muttered, "There's nothing here for me anymore."

The two friends settled into a pensive silence.

"...Good luck, okay?"

"Thanks, Matsuda-san."

"You should go home now and pack. I'll tell Chief that you've fallen sick and you can come in and give the letter of resignation tomorrow. And please-" Matsuda looked at him pleadingly, "Don't do anything stupid. I'll call you again later, okay?"

In normal circumstances Light would have bit back and say he _never_ did anything stupid, that it was a rather presumptuous statement coming from the older detective. But Light was still in shock, so he kept quiet, and nodded, getting up and left, giving Matsuda a final, watery smile.

He grabbed his things from his desk and left with his briefcase, still clutching his letter to himself, returning home.

Light had assumed he would remain a detective for a long while like his father, but now that he thought of it, he really wasn't cut out to live like that. He had held that possibility before—that he would marry Misa, his ex-fiancée, but things hadn't worked out as planned. Light wasn't meant to be a carbon copy of his father, even if he wanted to be, a normal life was out of the question after someone like B.

So that evening after much brooding and thought, he wrote his resignation letter, booked a one-way flight to England over the Internet, and packed his clothes and almost anything else that would fit into luggage in order to leave forever.

He called Sayu at six in the morning, his little sister who he hadn't called in a month, hearing her adorable, sleepy voice answer.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Sayu. It's Light. Listen, I'm about to leave town, I don't know when I'll be back. I'll mail you my house key and address so you can drop by anytime."

"Huh? Light, you want to leave town? I haven't seen you in a while, not since New Year's! I miss you-"

"I know, Sayu. I'm going to resign from my job and leave for England today. You can tell mother, but don't make her worry. Tell her I'm going overseas to find a new job."

"Light, what happened?" Her voice asked curiously.

"I'll explain someday."

"It isn't like you to do something as drastic as this... did something happen between you and dad?"

"No, it's something personal."

"Okay," He could practically hear her pout on the other line, "I can't even see you off to your flight? I could take the day off university today-"

"Please don't," Light said, berating her gently, "You need to do well in your exams, don't you?"

"As usual, you're so caring, big brother!"

"Yeah. Don't use my apartment for partying or anything of that sort, though. I won't allow it."

"Huh? What sort of person do you think I am, Light?"

"A good girl."

"Yep! Alright, I do want some answers, though, when you come back! Call me when you're in England, I can't imagine what you want to do there, but you can find a job anywhere and be _great_ at it, you're amazing like that-"

"Yeah, I'll call you."

"I can visit you over there during my summer break, right?"

"Probably. I'll let you know," Light told her, reassuring her, "You're my sister after all."

"I can't wait!"

"I love you, Sayu. I'm going to work to hand in my resignation letter. Check your post for the key."

"I love you too, big brother! I'll see you again soon, have a nice flight, okay?"

"Yeah. Goodbye."

"Bye bye!"

He hung up the phone, sighing. He remembered being close to his sister when they were younger, but he had gotten the job in the NPA and moved out. He hardly found the time to be with her.

A few hours later, he was standing in front of the deputy director, handing his resignation letter in front of the older man.

"Please accept my resignation letter, sir." He had said, bowing respectfully, noticing the shocked expression the man wore.

"Yagami-san, this is rather sudden-"

"I know, sir."

"-Does your father know about this?"

"No, but-" He watched somewhat exasperatedly as the man began to pick up the phone and call his father's extension.

"Soichiro, come to my office now."

"Please don't make this a big deal, sir-"

"Yagami-san, if you think I will readily accept this without you explaining to your father or myself, you are sorely mistaken."

Light honestly didn't know how he could face his father after this. He gritted his teeth and schooled his features from impatience to indifference, standing there and waiting.

"Kitamura-san?" Soichiro's voice sounded, opening the door moments after, stepping inside and seeing Light, "What's going on?"

"Your son wants to quit his job." The deputy director clarified. Soichiro looked at his son confusedly.

"What-? Light, what's going on? Why would you want to do such a thing?" the man asked.

"Dad, I want to leave. I've already booked a ticket out of Japan. I want to explore new things, I-" Light was lying openly, "I've already told Sayu. She's going to have my apartment, it's closer to her school anyway. I'm leaving for England to find better job prospects, if you don't mind me saying. Being a detective is good, but I can't do this anymore. I can't do what you can, dad, I'm not like you. I won't be able to do this forever."

Soichiro was startled at Light's apparent honesty, but his son having these sort of thoughts frankly shocked him.

"Won't you please reconsider? You're still young, Light, of course you have thoughts like these."

"I've been considering this forever." Light was lying, but it wasn't like his father couldn't believe him. To his father, Light was a perfect son who never lied. "I'm leaving for the airport this afternoon."

"What's made you so hasty, Light?" His father asked, frowning.

"I need a new start in life, dad. Please allow me it."

Light was being so polite as usual, and after a moment, his father's eyes softened. Light didn't let himself recall what he had said in the office, because that was actually painful even though he still felt someone numb, then he was being let off and he left the building without further thought.

He collected his luggage from home and locked everything up and leaving for the airport. The flight would take 11 hours and 25 minutes. Even the thought made Light wince.

Light wondered morbidly if there would be an air collision when he felt the aeroplane land too sharply, shaken awake from his sleep. Wondered if it would be the end of him, with his mangled body and his leg stabbed open and ripped apart, ending up in the far corners of a piece of the metal aeroplane with his head torn away from his spine-

Wondered if Beyond would be _glad_ to know he'd be joining him.

There was no such thing however, and he grimaced as he landed safely in a completely foreign place in a completely different time zone. He collected his luggage and took a taxi to a hotel, tiredly taking a shower and falling dead asleep on the soft hotel bed.

When he recovered from the jet lag, he decided to go out and discover the completely foreign continent. Everything was so different and beautiful that it was making him forget about Beyond -for a few moments, anyway. Light's spoken English was perfect save for a hint of an accent that most people couldn't even catch, because he had worked hard to not let it show too much. The time passed without much event, and he had a nice meal at a restaurant alone that afternoon.

He'd picked up the street directory of the foreign country and leafed through it afterwards, referencing the instructions from the letter Beyond had written, realising that Wammy's House was located somewhere pretty far off. Light would have to travel pretty far from London, so he checked out the first thing in the morning with his luggage, and took another taxi, telling the rather friendly driver where he was headed.

The driver, a friendly Scottish man commented that not many people asked to be sent to such a location to find a school he had, frankly, never heard of. Light had simply told him he wanted to find a person, and the man had nodded and started driving. Light had to strain his ears to sort through the man's thick accent as they chatted idly.

He reached his destination several hours later and he paid the man along with a large tip, walking up to the huge gates. Light found it open and walked right inside, pulling his luggage along, hearing a man speaking.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" It was a security guard approaching him.

"Hello, sir, this is the Wammy's House, am I correct?" Light asked him.

"Yes." The man was startled to be spoken to so formally.

"I'd like to find a man called L Lawliet, could you please help me? He's supposed to be a professor here."

The man looked at him quizzically. "You hold on."

The guard returned to his post and picked up his phone. "Roger? There's som'un at the gates who wants to find L Lawliet, I haven' the foggiest who tha' is, but the lad don' really look suspicious..."

"-Please show the person in to my office."

"A'right." Then, to Light, "Come right in, lad."

"Thanks."

Wammy's House looked like a humongous cathedral bathed in sunlight. Light hadn't had the chance to visit such a place before, and now that he was inside it, he was rather impressed at the structure. He noticed several children running about in the halls laughing, which meant that the place was really still a gifted orphanage school. He thought of a young Beyond walking through this halls and felt a faint sense of nostalgia wash over him, though he quickly stopped letting himself think of it.

He was shown inside a large room with a man sitting on the chair comfortably, smoking a pipe and looking very much a distinguished English gentleman. Light shook hands with him.

"Please, take a seat."

"Thank you." Light looked around, noticing the man's name was Roger Ruvie from the name card on the table and he was the principal of the school, if the title on the door was anything to go by.

"What's your name, might I ask?"

"I'm Light Yagami," he told him, "I'm here to find L Lawliet."

"There isn't such a person in this school," the man told him, "But the fact you know this name is rather interesting. How did you-?"

"Well, a man—a graduate of this school told me to find L Lawliet, who he said was a professor at Wammy's House. His name was Beyond Birthday."

"...Was?"

"Well, the person died recently," Light said, his voice controlled, "Beyond told me to come here and inform L Lawliet that his brother is dead."

"I see."

"Could you help me, please?" Light asked, almost pleadingly.

"There is no man named L Lawliet here, Mr Yagami," Roger responded after a while, "That man goes by a different name now, as far as I'm concerned. He is called Lind L. Tailor, and he still teaches in this very institution."

Light's eyes widened, his heart beating fast.

"May I see him? If there is no problem." Light spoke, not hiding the hope in his tone.

"There is no problem. However, I'd like to ask-who was Beyond Birthday?" The man asked, "I've never heard of a student in recent years named as such before. I'm afraid I've only come into this position around seven years ago, taking over the original principal of this school, so forgive me for asking."

"He was my lover," Light clarified honestly. "I'm obliged to tell the only association of Beyond that he has passed on."

"I see," Roger responded, nodding without much thought. The man hadn't responded negatively to the fact that Light was very much male and that Beyond was asl well. Light did suppose England was very different from Japan, after all.

Light thought there was an off chance he might _possibly_ stay here for the rest of his life. People had been mostly kind to him so far.

The principal picked up the phone and called the man named L Lawliet, though he sighed when he put down the phone, shaking his head.

"Please forgive the professor, Mr. Yagami," he said, "He wants you to come to his classroom instead of coming here personally. He is rather eccentric and lazy. I'll escort you."

"That's fine, Mr. Ruvie." He watched Roger get up and take his cane, but Light quickly responded, standing up, "You don't have to exert yourself for my sake, please. You can tell me where the professor's classroom is, and I will go there myself."

"Yes, alright, thank you." He wrote down the instructions, "Please don't get lost. The campus is rather large."

Light thanked the man and took the instructions, and promptly left.

The principal had been right, however. The place was indeed a maze, and he thought perhaps he should have asked the man to show him the classroom. The directions were rather inadequate and Light was getting slightly frustrated, until he saw a blond boy who looked about fourteen sitting near a window, munching on a chocolate bar. Beside him was a red-headed boy with goggles on his head, playing a portable video game. Light wasted no time in approaching the students.

"Excuse me," Light asked rather politely, "I'm a stranger here, but I'd like to find this place. Could you help me?" He showed the piece of paper with the instructions Roger had written, watching as the blond boy snatched it out of his hand rather rudely, seizing him up.

Light thought the boy would have been cuter if he hadn't done that.

"What are you, isn't it a bit too late for someone of your age coming here?" the blond boy asked, in rather confrontational fashion.

"No, I won't be a student."

"Then... a new professor?" The blond boy glanced once at the instructions, "That's cool. Oh, that's Professor L's class. Just a floor up and third room on the right. Hey, what are you finding him for, huh?"

"I won't be a new professor, either," Light responded calmly. "And I have a personal family matter to inform him."

"Oh?" The blond boy blinked curiously.

"Oi, Mello, don't talk to him. He looks busy, c'mon, play this game with me, you idiot-"

"Don't call me idiot, Matt!" The blond boy yelled at the red-headed one, biting into his chocolate furiously, a fact which plainly amused Light, "I'm not going to play your stupid game, you haven't even reread that freakin' boring History essay for me, _jeez_ -"

Light shook his head, muttering a thank you and left the two boys to squabble, going up to the place as the blond boy had instructed and rapped his knuckles twice on the door confidently.

He heard a muffled 'Come in' and entered the classroom.

The first thing Light did was to suppress a gasp, heart beginning to beat faster and his eyes widening when he saw familiar messy black hair from behind, talking to a child.

The white-haired short boy was curling his hair with his finger in an adorable manner, glancing at Light who had entered, nodding once politely in acknowledgement and listened to the professor talking.

"Near, I'd like for you to rewrite this and not use such terminologies for this essay. It is rather repetitive-" The professor was saying.

The boy had just nodded again, listening obediently. The man finally dismissed him after explaining the boy's mistake, patting the top of the albino child's head and giving him a chewy sweet from his bowl of them on his desk along with his paper.

"Go on, Near. I have to talk to Mr. Stranger."

Light was stunned. No, even that was an understatement.

Was that _Beyond?_

But that was _impossible!_

The strange man seemed to even sit like Beyond. What was going on? Did Beyond _lie_ to him in the letter?

"Don't just stand there, Mr. Stranger," the professor said, speaking in a tone similar to Beyond's, monotonous and rather pleasant to his ears...but B's voice had been slightly deeper, with no accent. The man's back was turned to Light in that strange crouching position on the chair as he sifted through some papers. H picked one out that he had apparently been finding with his forefinger and thumb delicately, putting it on his desk.

He finally turned around, and Light saw for the first time that he had black eyes instead of red.

His face was eerily same as Beyond's as well, but slightly older, which meant he had to be in his early-thirties or so.

"-Come and take a seat."

Light was too shocked to move for a moment, before snapping himself out of it and walking towards him, holding out his hand. The professor shook his hand, peering at Light curiously.

"Nice to meet you, professor," Light had said, his voice slightly strained, taking the seat opposite him.

"Nice to meet you too. Your name?"

The resemblance was really uncanny, and Light waited for the man to stop pretending to not know him, to pull him into a hug, or a kiss or _something_ -

"I'm Light Yagami." Light desperately wanted this strange man who _looked_ eerily like Beyond to _be_ Beyond.

He scratched his dark messy head with long pale fingers. He took out something from his pocket, saying to Light, "Open your hand up, please."

"Huh?"

Light was a little bit confused, but did as he was told, and saw that L had dropped a strawberry lollipop into his palm.

"That was my last lollipop, Mr. Yagami," he said, blinking owlishly, "And I do not give my lollipops to just anyone."

The randomness of the entire exchange made Light laugh softly. He quickly sobered up, though, remembering why he was here.

"It's good that you have laughed, Mr. Yagami. Please don't look sad."

 _That's because you look like Beyond,_ Light thought, _fucking impostor-_

He continued.

"...I am L."

_Well then._

**END** _  
_


End file.
